DH prefers private, I want public

[Anonymous]

DH is correct. You might not realize it now but at some point you will turn to DH and utter “you were right about private school dear”.

[Anonymous]

That’s sad that he won’t be able to attend his local school and be part of the community. I know if my husband and I disagreed I would be making the choice.

You said it’s a top rated school. And since he’s only in kindergarten you have no way of knowing what will be best for him in middle school. He might have learning difficulties where the public school is the best place to handle it. Or he might do extraordinarily well which means he will have no problem going to a private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a top-public. It's all a sales pitch to get you to spend more on a house. Do what is best for your kids.

Absolutely not true. You think people get their information from real estate agents?

Some of the kids at our top rated public school would get caught drinking or having sex or something and as punishment their parents would make them go to private school for a year. They were allowed to come back to local public if there was no trouble for the year. These weren’t the brightest kids but the kept their heads down and did the work because they wanted to leave.

Things aren’t always so black and white. There are plenty of private schools that don’t stand up to the best public schools.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your DH but as a compromise:

I’d start at public and reevaluate for middle school, as someone else said. Also be very aware that admission/entry to private is generally far more difficult later on (while entry in K is easy).

Also be aware that neighborhood culture, mom friends etc- while wonderful during the early years- becomes a lot less relevant by mid-elementary or so. By then, all the parents will be back to work FT and families spending their weekends on travel sports. There will be exceptions, but not many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your DH but as a compromise:

I’d start at public and reevaluate for middle school, as someone else said. Also be very aware that admission/entry to private is generally far more difficult later on (while entry in K is easy).

Also be aware that neighborhood culture, mom friends etc- while wonderful during the early years- becomes a lot less relevant by mid-elementary or so. By then, all the parents will be back to work FT and families spending their weekends on travel sports. There will be exceptions, but not many.

That has been my experience too. At one point when my oldest was in early elementary there were 3 other kids on the block in the same grade who went to the same large neighborhood elementary. None of them hung out. One was in a travel sports family that was gone all the time, one was in a religious weirdo family who withdrew and later went to a christian school. And one kid was opposite gender and never in the same class as mine. A few blocks a way was a gaggle of families whose kids were all friends. It's very random and there's no guarantee that going to a neighborhood school results in neighborhood friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, elementary is fine for public. It’s middle school where things go way down hill. Ask me how I know.

For our school district (FCPS), it seems the academic quality improves for MS/HS. I think it's an important thing to look at though in your neighborhood--how is the whole public pyramid not just the neighborhood ES--if you are staying for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your glorification of the public school is delusional. Wait until you get a load of the violence and horrible behavior before you decide your public is “nurturing.” Lol.

I get that you don’t want to drive that much…that’s your only argument with merit.

Houses in our school zone start at $2mm, and there is 0% free lunch population. I am not worried about violence or dangerous behavior.

Materialism and bullying perhaps, but I imagine these issues are also present at the private school. Probably even more so, since the parents live in an area like this and still choose to shell out $50k/yr per kid for the private school experience.

Lol. How about news of a student bringing a gun to one of the wealthiest schools in Maryland? Is your school immune to it because of your wealth?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1163613.page

[Anonymous]

As others have said I would start in public and see how it goes. Unless your kid has some kind of special emotional or academic need, such as being very advanced academically, getting overwhelmed by crowds, etc. I think it's best to try out public. Save your time and money for private when your kid is in middle school.

[Anonymous]

I will go against the grain and say private is more important now. They need a strong foundation and be around less behavior issues while young. Private school plus doing your due diligence as parents and working with your child outside of school puts you in the best spot for the most opportunities. From there, public middle school could be an option if they have high level honors classes and high school they can take AP classes/IB program. Or they can stay private.

[Anonymous]

Go to the public school. If you don’t like it you can look into private. As others have said, there is no guarantee your child will like the Ms or US is the same place they went to K. Further, there’s also no guarantee you’ll get accepted to the K private school in question.

[Anonymous]

Tri-State area as in Ny? I know a lot about the schools there. Which public and which private?

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread two years later, could I ask the OP -- if she's following up -- what public school she is zoned for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do these posters claiming that all public elementaries are violent and terrible have actual experiences with public?

We have a 2nd grader in a "well-regarded" public school and have never encountered any violent or troubling behavior. We had one teacher we didn't love and that year was tough, but private schools also have a range of teachers and not all of them are the right fit for your child. Overall our experience at the public school has been really great and we like the teachers, administrators, other families and the kids themselves.

I'm sure private schools offer better services in some respects and they may be more responsive to parents since, after all, you are paying them. We'd consider private if we were ever unhappy with the public option, and we're certainly looking seriously at it for MS because I understand there are behavioral issues at our IB MS.

But after 2+ years in public, I can say honestly that it has in fact been a nurturing, positive environment, and we're glad for the school community in the neighborhood, and our kid has lots of wonderful friends. And we've saved thousands of dollars over going the private route, and that's not nothing.

Yes. And I would have sounded like you in elementary.

Public middle school in our supposedly good district was an entirely different matter. My oldest unfortunately went through it until we pulled him. The experience was not good.

Same here, but we only lasted until eldest was in fourth. I went to public schools all the way through in an affluent suburb. Public schools today are nothing like what I attended. Lots of kids with behaviorial issues who were being “mainstreamed” (this was in an affluent, 10/10 school), canned curriculum, lack of rigor, too short recess etc. parent community was great but couldn’t make up for the educational shortfalls.

If you do decide to go to private, you should be the one doing drop offs if you want to meet other moms.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to let you know that my DH also prefers private and I prefer public.

Going public would mean we would also leave a house we love, to move to an area with a better public school line-up.

I am leaning towards going public, even knowing we will have to leave a home we love and take out a mortgage at a higher interest rate, because I think a top public school will provide a better community for our family, provide more opportunities for friendship for our children (bigger grade sizes), and an academic experience that is at least as good as the best privates at an elementary level.

Would my kids get robotics or foreign language and the course school day in public? No. Will they be able to perform in a school musical starting in second grade in public? No.

But, they can get exposure to all of this through afterschool programming at all of the great public schools, and we can always have them do weekend, extracurricular activities to go deeper in any subjects, sports, science or arts programs they want to.

I suspect our kids will be in private school for middle in high school and I am OK with that. More time to save.

Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

I wonder what OP chose for her kids. I was pro-public... until oldest child actually entered public. We last a few years and had to switch.