Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most liberal women under 40 have a mental illness / mental disease, according to Pew.

This fact may help explain their reluctance to have children.

Link, please.

Google it.

You can’t provide a link because you made that up.

Except, I did not make it up. See the responses on the same page.

Or google it.

Here’s a clue: the study was conducted by the Pew foundation. Ever hear of them?

It’s true the data shows white liberal women are “more likely to seek mental health evaluations” which simply means they have access to healthcare.

The particular question I think says “have you ever been told by a healthcare provider that you have a mental health condition” which I feel like could include “you’re a little depressed” or “having some anxiety.” It doesn’t say “diagnosis.” That sounds like anyone who has talked to a therapist or a primary care doctor during Covid honestly.

But also ironically I think a very high percentage of women who’ve had babies would be in that boat particularly if they had postpartum care from an OB because at a minimum you’re discussing the depression screener at the six week PP appointment.

I’m a highly educated white liberal woman under 40 so like, I did a PACE group and for sure I would answer yes because of discussing PPA/D symptoms which almost everyone has but I wouldn’t say I was diagnosed or even had PPA/D enough to need medical care but it’s kind of a spectrum.

Pace is terrible. I’m a highly educated woman and the navel gazing and lack of resilience by the women in the group was on another level. Women who acted traumatized because they had a child and then support group leaders who encouraged the hysterical behavior. I’d never seen anything like it. Originally I thought it was a way to make friends and socialize. No, it is a group support group for women and it encourages the idea that women should change and give up their lives once they have had kids. Go to a PACE group and you’ll easily see what’s wrong with modern day parenting.

That’s if you can even afford it, and have the time to go. I tried to sign up and by the time they got back to me I was heading back to work. They suggested I take time off to attend, like that was even possible. But then I couldn’t afford it anyway.

That happened to me too! I had diagnosed PPD and my doctor recommended PACE as a support group, but the organizer took forever to get back to me, then offered a spot in a group that was a 40 minute commute from my home and where only the 1st session would happen during my leave. And then was rude to me when I turned it down.

I wound up going to a support group through the breastfeeding center even though I wasn't having issues with breastfeeding. I just went to meet other moms with babies because my doc thought it would help. Maybe it did?

I think one issue with becoming a mom is that now that it's truly optional for women, we offer a lot less community support than we used to. It's so isolating now.

You likely dodged a bullet. PACE very much preaches the message that life is now over and you will suffer. For a woman with PPD, you likely would have benefited more by stepping out of the house for an hour to grab a coffee on your own. Not paying $600 to hear Suzy cry about having to watch her own baby.

This is a very bizarre experience with PACE. I'm sure there are some dud leaders, but in my group every single woman but one was headed back to full time work after maternity leave and the one was part time in higher education. The leaders helped normalize things the at the time can feel overwhelming and strongly encouraged utilizing whatever supports you have available / need to NOT suffer.

It is a lot of navel gazing, but early motherhood is a wild change for many / most women and between both the reality and the hormanes, it seems like an appropriate time to navel gaze. I was talking to a woman pregnant with her 4th today (i have 3) and we were discussing how the first seemed so hard and now it almost seems unimaginable that it was so hard (though we both remember it being so hard). She made the excellent point that prior to having her baby it had been decades since she'd ever had to learn something big and brand new and you have to do it at a time it feel it feels tremendously important you get it right, you're exhausted and recovering, your hormomes are going nuts, and your marriage is likely strained. That's a lot!

+1. I thought PACE was fine, and most of the women were going back to work. Perhaps it self-selects for women who are having a hard time.

I was very much miserable in the first months of motherhood so PACE was the right vibe for me. I did have a friend in the class who later said “I was so happy but I felt like I couldn’t talk about it!” Mainly it was a way to get out of the house and meet other moms. We were definitely all typical DC working moms with the exception of one recent transplant (very young SAHM) but she seemed fully part of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

Same. My husband and I think we should have had kids earlier than we did. We were waiting for the "right time" and were mid 30s. We could have started 4 years earlier and maybe had one more. We weren't doing anything interesting or exciting before then. Just working, dinners, some travel. But we could have done all that once we became empty nesters too and been younger for our kids the grandparents would have been younger too and had more energy than they do now in their mid 70s. That is a regret we both have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

Same. My husband and I think we should have had kids earlier than we did. We were waiting for the "right time" and were mid 30s. We could have started 4 years earlier and maybe had one more. We weren't doing anything interesting or exciting before then. Just working, dinners, some travel. But we could have done all that once we became empty nesters too and been younger for our kids the grandparents would have been younger too and had more energy than they do now in their mid 70s. That is a regret we both have.

Same.

It takes time to finish a professional degree, get established in a career, and then find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Agree. I was already getting bored, and I had my first at 31. I just felt myself living for the weekends most of the time, or living for trips we had planned, and the time in between was just kind of waiting. With my kids I look forward to spending time with them every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Agree. I was already getting bored, and I had my first at 31. I just felt myself living for the weekends most of the time, or living for trips we had planned, and the time in between was just kind of waiting. With my kids I look forward to spending time with them every day.

I’m jealous. I love my kids but don’t find spending time with kids to be that much fun. There are moments of fun, but I consider most of it hard work.

Still glad we had a family and not sure what else I’d be doing. Agree the standard DINK activities get old and we still enjoy many of the same things we used to do but just less often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Agree. I was already getting bored, and I had my first at 31. I just felt myself living for the weekends most of the time, or living for trips we had planned, and the time in between was just kind of waiting. With my kids I look forward to spending time with them every day.

I’m jealous. I love my kids but don’t find spending time with kids to be that much fun. There are moments of fun, but I consider most of it hard work.

Still glad we had a family and not sure what else I’d be doing. Agree the standard DINK activities get old and we still enjoy many of the same things we used to do but just less often.

+1. PP - this is exactly me! My kids are MS aged and I'm 51. I wish I started earlier but then again I LOVED my 20s. I think it's crazy hard work. Financially, mentally, physically (My 2nd job is carpooling!). I feel like I have 3 jobs - being mom, working for money and then driving. DH shares in responsibilities but it's just a lot when you don't have family around to help. I love my kids but it really is moments. Puberty is not fun at home currently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

I didn't do any of those things when we were childless. We traveled a lot outside of peak season, had dinner parties, went hiking, slept in late, and cooked whatever we wanted (spicy foods).

A lot of that changed once kids came. Now, that my kids are HS/college, we are slowly going back to how it was pre kids. Once the youngest leaves for college, we will once again be able to travel to wherever *we* want outside of peak season. We are looking forward to it so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

Omg same, I think about this whenever these articles come up. Life without kids seems monotonous. What do you even look forward to? Where does the forward momentum come from?

Fwiw, this is coming from someone who has 3 kids but still works, sees friends, travels, has hobbies etc. So it’s not like I don’t have other things going on but def my kids provide my biggest source of purpose, meaning, connection to the future, and forward momentum. Everything is oriented around getting them successfully launched.

[Anonymous]

People always say they were “traveling” before kids as opposed to after. I always wonder what this means. We had ours on the early side (started mid twenties) but as our HHI rose, we were able to start traveling with them. We typically take 5 week long vacations a year. We 3 kids, it’s not cheap so we mostly look for short flights. We mostly do domestic locations (for skiing or hiking in the nationals parks), Caribbean for spring break, Europe or Canada during the summer, etc. This is similar to our neighbors and kids’ friends.

What kind of traveling were you doing before kids that was so different to what you’re doing now? Were you moving around from place to place like digital nomads?

When I was in my 20s we barely had any money or time off. It was a grind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

Omg same, I think about this whenever these articles come up. Life without kids seems monotonous. What do you even look forward to? Where does the forward momentum come from?

Fwiw, this is coming from someone who has 3 kids but still works, sees friends, travels, has hobbies etc. So it’s not like I don’t have other things going on but def my kids provide my biggest source of purpose, meaning, connection to the future, and forward momentum. Everything is oriented around getting them successfully launched.

I have a kid, but if I didn’t my life wouldn’t be dull at all because I have a lot of interests. What is your plan when the kids leave? Just be bored and purposeless until you get grandkids??

[Anonymous]

My brother nor any of his friends have kids. Not one! Most are not even married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids simply isn't worth it. It's a huge pain and requires way too much sacrifice. Add in the the costs on top of that and it's a huge mess.
When people ask me about parenting and having kids I tell them if you really want to do it then have one kid. But really it's better not to have any. It's staggering the impact my children have had on our household wealth.

+100000 I deeply regret having children. It’s a lot of work with little reward. I admit in theory it’s nice having a family of four. But I’ve lost so much because of children. They ruined my body, I can’t travel freely, lost friendships, less money to spend on myself, have to live in a neighborhood with good schools or spend $100k on privates, etc. They are rarely enjoyable to be around as they constantly whine, complain and require me to do things. It’s constant work and even a good man will try to get you to do the bulk of the work. If I want to do something fun I have to schedule it on the family calendar so my husband is home. IT BLOWS.

I actually have had a different experience in that I love having kids and the compromises (less travel, way less spending money, more family activities vs individual activities) have been well worth it to me. That said, I do think a lot of this is my personality and what brings me happiness and that this is not universal. I think it is good that women are actually considering what would make them feel happy and fulfilled before stepping into motherhood.

One thing I don’t love is that women who do want kids and would gladly give up the travel and late nights out with friends feel they can’t afford to have kids even with both spouses working full time. We’ve made becoming a parent incredibly expensive and exhausting (esp for women).

I live outside a medium sized non coastal city in an area that is very family oriented which makes raising kids a lot easier. When I hear how much money you all have to make and how many activities and programs people on this site are signing kids up for to give them a baseline normal (for the area) childhood experience, I’m shocked. I can see why becoming a parent seems impossibly difficult and it’s no wonder some women are opting out.

+1. It has been hard but my kids add so much to my life. Maybe I just don't mind doing child-oriented activities. I just feel like, what would DH and I even be doing at this point in our lives if we didn't have kids? It seems so boring.

Right? Like, decades of trivia night at breweries and trying new brunch spots gets pretty monotonous, but that's all I see my childless friends doing.

Omg same, I think about this whenever these articles come up. Life without kids seems monotonous. What do you even look forward to? Where does the forward momentum come from?

Fwiw, this is coming from someone who has 3 kids but still works, sees friends, travels, has hobbies etc. So it’s not like I don’t have other things going on but def my kids provide my biggest source of purpose, meaning, connection to the future, and forward momentum. Everything is oriented around getting them successfully launched.

I have a kid, but if I didn’t my life wouldn’t be dull at all because I have a lot of interests. What is your plan when the kids leave? Just be bored and purposeless until you get grandkids??

I feel the same way. And all my childless friends are doing really fun, interesting things. The forward momentum comes from experiencing life. They have also developed great communities.

[Anonymous]

I think about my childless cousins and SIL...what are they up to? Hiking...we do that with our kids. Eating at restaurants...gets old after awhile and very expensive. Travel...we are going to Tokyo in 2 weeks with kids. Drinking at breweries...it's Friday night, we can drink at home together once the kids go to bed.
My kids enrich my life in so many ways and in no way do they cramp my style. I'm still a person with a life.