Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?

[Anonymous]

I know that every relationship is different, but I am just curious to hear about people that have taken back a cheater, and how things worked out in the long run. Was the cheating a one night stand, or a long term thing? What happened after?

[Anonymous]

Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

[Anonymous]

My sister did. It was an affair that lasted a few months. Took a lot of work and therapy over the past several years, and they've pulled through. Her husband had some pretty significant underlying issues that he was escaping through sex.

Also, a friend and her husband went through a really rough patch as she was getting ready to have their first child. He was cheating with someone for a few months as well. They were separated much of that first year, and again with a lot of therapy and hard work, they've come back together.

It would be easy to say that they're stupid women for taking them back, but they're not. They're very strong. They have both invested a great deal and gone through hell and back. And both husbands did stop the cheating. They also have done the work. It may not be what you would do OP (or other posters) but it was what was right for them. Their entire marriages had to be torn down and rebuilt. Both are them are stronger than ever.

I think the key is that both spouses have to be willing to do the work. If the cheating spouse doesn't get it and continues with the cheating, obviously it's not going to work. If the spouse who was cheated on can't work through the anger and betrayal to try to move through it, then it won't work.

The thing I've learned from watching both my sister and friend is that everyone has to make the decision that is best for their family. And you don't have to make the decision to split or stay immediately. It's pointless to judge them or anyone else because you're not sitting where they are and don't know all the details. Everything isn't always back & white. Marriage is very complex, and splitting up can be just as hard as working through something like cheating. For both of them, they made the decision to give the therapy a chance and see where it took them. The decision to stay was a short-term one. It wasn't something where they said, "Oh he cheated and we'll work it out." It was more like, "He cheated, this sucks, and I'm not making any big decisions right now other than to go to a really good counselor, both together and individually. I don't know whether we'll end up staying together or splitting up."

[Anonymous]

Back when my kids were younger, I caught my boyfriend/father of my kids in a nightclub kissing my next door neighbor/"friend."

I remember how devastated I was + how numb I felt months afterward.

However after the incident, he was very remorseful and became the boyfriend that I always wanted him to be. It took that circumstance for him to change! He started helping out more w/the kids, had a much kinder disposition and told me almost every day how sorry he was. I stayed w/him because I needed his help w/our kids plus honestly, I was afraid of being totally alone in the world.

Over time, my anger, bitterness and humiliation over what he did to me grew exponentially and it got to the point where any time he touched me, I was repulsed. It took seven years, but I finally realized that I didn't have to stay w/someone just because we shared children together and that staying in the relationship was driving me into a deep depression so I ended things.

#bestdecisionever

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately and every breath I took thereafter was of fresh, clean air.

To anyone who stays w/a cheater, your love won't dissipate overnight, but will over time. You will never forget the pain this person caused you and eventually it will eat you up inside until it has taken your spirit and dignity.

Leave immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back when my kids were younger, I caught my boyfriend/father of my kids in a nightclub kissing my next door neighbor/"friend."

I remember how devastated I was + how numb I felt months afterward.

However after the incident, he was very remorseful and became the boyfriend that I always wanted him to be. It took that circumstance for him to change! He started helping out more w/the kids, had a much kinder disposition and told me almost every day how sorry he was. I stayed w/him because I needed his help w/our kids plus honestly, I was afraid of being totally alone in the world.

Over time, my anger, bitterness and humiliation over what he did to me grew exponentially and it got to the point where any time he touched me, I was repulsed. It took seven years, but I finally realized that I didn't have to stay w/someone just because we shared children together and that staying in the relationship was driving me into a deep depression so I ended things.

#bestdecisionever

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately and every breath I took thereafter was of fresh, clean air.

To anyone who stays w/a cheater, your love won't dissipate overnight, but will over time. You will never forget the pain this person caused you and eventually it will eat you up inside until it has taken your spirit and dignity.

Leave immediately.

Or you could have made a conscious decision to deal with your hurt and anger head on. Perhaps then it wouldn't have festered over 7 years and your kids would have an intact family. #dontsweepthingsundertherug

[Anonymous]

Cheat! Stop believing and just follow his/her way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back when my kids were younger, I caught my boyfriend/father of my kids in a nightclub kissing my next door neighbor/"friend."

I remember how devastated I was + how numb I felt months afterward.

However after the incident, he was very remorseful and became the boyfriend that I always wanted him to be. It took that circumstance for him to change! He started helping out more w/the kids, had a much kinder disposition and told me almost every day how sorry he was. I stayed w/him because I needed his help w/our kids plus honestly, I was afraid of being totally alone in the world.

Over time, my anger, bitterness and humiliation over what he did to me grew exponentially and it got to the point where any time he touched me, I was repulsed. It took seven years, but I finally realized that I didn't have to stay w/someone just because we shared children together and that staying in the relationship was driving me into a deep depression so I ended things.

#bestdecisionever

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately and every breath I took thereafter was of fresh, clean air.

To anyone who stays w/a cheater, your love won't dissipate overnight, but will over time. You will never forget the pain this person caused you and eventually it will eat you up inside until it has taken your spirit and dignity.

Leave immediately.

Sure. Your experience is the universal one, and we should all bow to your anecdotal evidence.

OP, there are many instances where people who stayed married to a cheating spouse repaired their marriages completely. You can read many examples on survivinginfidelity.com. Do all marriages survive? No, but when both partners put in a lot of hard work - especially the cheater, who must examine and fix some pretty deep character flaws - it is possible for them to thrive again.

But the other PP was right - no sweeping things under the rug. If you don't deal with the hard stuff, the marriage will likely fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheat! Stop believing and just follow his/her way

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, he cheated again and gave me an std

[Anonymous]

I don't think I could. Once that trust has been breached I'd never feel comfortable again. Every business trip, I'd always be wondering. That's no way to live, for me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I took her back. She ended up cheating again. I threw her out and got divorced as quickly as possible. After the divorce I found out that she'd also cheated on me with about 5 other guys. She was just unhappy being with me.

I've been very happily remarried now for the last 12 years. Looking back, I regret not ending it sooner. But, I'm very happy for the way things worked out. My wife is an amazing woman and I couldn't have possibly done better for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back when my kids were younger, I caught my boyfriend/father of my kids in a nightclub kissing my next door neighbor/"friend."

I remember how devastated I was + how numb I felt months afterward.

However after the incident, he was very remorseful and became the boyfriend that I always wanted him to be. It took that circumstance for him to change! He started helping out more w/the kids, had a much kinder disposition and told me almost every day how sorry he was. I stayed w/him because I needed his help w/our kids plus honestly, I was afraid of being totally alone in the world.

Over time, my anger, bitterness and humiliation over what he did to me grew exponentially and it got to the point where any time he touched me, I was repulsed. It took seven years, but I finally realized that I didn't have to stay w/someone just because we shared children together and that staying in the relationship was driving me into a deep depression so I ended things.

#bestdecisionever

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately and every breath I took thereafter was of fresh, clean air.

To anyone who stays w/a cheater, your love won't dissipate overnight, but will over time. You will never forget the pain this person caused you and eventually it will eat you up inside until it has taken your spirit and dignity.

Leave immediately.

Sure. Your experience is the universal one, and we should all bow to your anecdotal evidence.

OP, there are many instances where people who stayed married to a cheating spouse repaired their marriages completely. You can read many examples on survivinginfidelity.com. Do all marriages survive? No, but when both partners put in a lot of hard work - especially the cheater, who must examine and fix some pretty deep character flaws - it is possible for them to thrive again.

But the other PP was right - no sweeping things under the rug. If you don't deal with the hard stuff, the marriage will likely fail.

Wow. Just wow.

I cannot believe a few PPs are actually advising people to stick it out with a spouse who was unfaithful.

So what if other people ended up "working it out??" Just because it worked out for other couples doesn't mean that every couple should work it out.

If someone cheated on their spouse, they shouldn't get any pass whatsoever. And people shouldn't try to work through an affair just because they have a family that should be intact. That is the most ludicrous logic I have ever heard of.

Bottom line:

If you are married to someone and that person cheats on you, they also cheat on their family as well.

Anyone who stays in a marriage with someone who cheated on them is only selling themselves short in the respect dept. How can any one respect someone who would stay with someone who slept with someone else....??! It is beyond my comprehension.

And most importantly, any parent who forgives a cheater is setting a horrible example for their young children. That is just irresponsible in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back when my kids were younger, I caught my boyfriend/father of my kids in a nightclub kissing my next door neighbor/"friend."

I remember how devastated I was + how numb I felt months afterward.

However after the incident, he was very remorseful and became the boyfriend that I always wanted him to be. It took that circumstance for him to change! He started helping out more w/the kids, had a much kinder disposition and told me almost every day how sorry he was. I stayed w/him because I needed his help w/our kids plus honestly, I was afraid of being totally alone in the world.

Over time, my anger, bitterness and humiliation over what he did to me grew exponentially and it got to the point where any time he touched me, I was repulsed. It took seven years, but I finally realized that I didn't have to stay w/someone just because we shared children together and that staying in the relationship was driving me into a deep depression so I ended things.

#bestdecisionever

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately and every breath I took thereafter was of fresh, clean air.

To anyone who stays w/a cheater, your love won't dissipate overnight, but will over time. You will never forget the pain this person caused you and eventually it will eat you up inside until it has taken your spirit and dignity.

Leave immediately.

Sure. Your experience is the universal one, and we should all bow to your anecdotal evidence.

OP, there are many instances where people who stayed married to a cheating spouse repaired their marriages completely. You can read many examples on survivinginfidelity.com. Do all marriages survive? No, but when both partners put in a lot of hard work - especially the cheater, who must examine and fix some pretty deep character flaws - it is possible for them to thrive again.

But the other PP was right - no sweeping things under the rug. If you don't deal with the hard stuff, the marriage will likely fail.

Wow. Just wow.

I cannot believe a few PPs are actually advising people to stick it out with a spouse who was unfaithful.

So what if other people ended up "working it out??" Just because it worked out for other couples doesn't mean that every couple should work it out.

If someone cheated on their spouse, they shouldn't get any pass whatsoever. And people shouldn't try to work through an affair just because they have a family that should be intact. That is the most ludicrous logic I have ever heard of.

Bottom line:

If you are married to someone and that person cheats on you, they also cheat on their family as well.

Anyone who stays in a marriage with someone who cheated on them is only selling themselves short in the respect dept. How can any one respect someone who would stay with someone who slept with someone else....??! It is beyond my comprehension.

And most importantly, any parent who forgives a cheater is setting a horrible example for their young children. That is just irresponsible in my opinion.

No, the "Wow, just wow" goes to you PP. No where does anyone say that one is obligated to work through an affair. I challenge to find that in the post above. What the poster above you said was that it is "possible" for some couples to survive the infidelity when they both put in the work. Your blanket judgment that no marriage can survive infidelity is quite limiting and short-sighted. Perhaps you operate in a world where there is only black and white, only right and wrong. And maybe that works for you. But to project your way of thinking onto other and assume that everyone else has to follow it is quite rude and arrogant.

Marriage is quite complex. And we are all infallible. There is no right or wrong way to respond to infidelity. Each person makes the decision that is best for his or family. For some, that means working through it. For others it means ending the marriage. In all cases, it's never easy and requires a great deal of work.

[Anonymous]

My best friend married a guy after forgiving him for cheating. He cheated again shortly thereafter. And then again. She's still with him and has no intentions of leaving.

[Anonymous]

After 15 years together my husband has an option to have sex with other women once in a while