Reply to Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?

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Reply to "Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My sister did. It was an affair that lasted a few months. Took a lot of work and therapy over the past several years, and they've pulled through. Her husband had some pretty significant underlying issues that he was escaping through sex.

Also, a friend and her husband went through a really rough patch as she was getting ready to have their first child. He was cheating with someone for a few months as well. They were separated much of that first year, and again with a lot of therapy and hard work, they've come back together.

It would be easy to say that they're stupid women for taking them back, but they're not. They're very strong. They have both invested a great deal and gone through hell and back.  And both husbands did stop the cheating. They also have done the work. It may not be what you would do OP (or other posters) but it was what was right for them. Their entire marriages had to be torn down and rebuilt. Both are them are stronger than ever.

I think the key is that both spouses have to be willing to do the work. If the cheating spouse doesn't get it and continues with the cheating, obviously it's not going to work. If the spouse who was cheated on can't work through the anger and betrayal to try to move through it, then it won't work.

The thing I've learned from watching both my sister and friend is that everyone has to make the decision that is best for their family. And you don't have to make the decision to split or stay immediately. It's pointless to judge them or anyone else because you're not sitting where they are and don't know all the details. Everything isn't always back & white. Marriage is very complex, and splitting up can be just as hard as working through something like cheating. For both of them, they made the decision to give the therapy a chance and see where it took them. The decision to stay was a short-term one. It wasn't something where they said, "Oh he cheated and we'll work it out." It was more like, "He cheated, this sucks, and I'm not making any big decisions right now other than to go to a really good counselor, both together and individually. I don't know whether we'll end up staying together or splitting up." [/quote]

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