Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?

[Anonymous]

Wow. Over 2/3rds of marriages where a spouse has an affair survive. Happily? I don't know.

Mine has survived 8 years past infidelity. As PP have said, you all have to do the work. It was the right decision for us. Will we last a lifetime? I don't know. But for now, for raising a family, I'm happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back when my kids were younger, I caught my boyfriend/father of my kids in a nightclub kissing my next door neighbor/"friend."

I remember how devastated I was + how numb I felt months afterward.

However after the incident, he was very remorseful and became the boyfriend that I always wanted him to be. It took that circumstance for him to change! He started helping out more w/the kids, had a much kinder disposition and told me almost every day how sorry he was. I stayed w/him because I needed his help w/our kids plus honestly, I was afraid of being totally alone in the world.

Over time, my anger, bitterness and humiliation over what he did to me grew exponentially and it got to the point where any time he touched me, I was repulsed. It took seven years, but I finally realized that I didn't have to stay w/someone just because we shared children together and that staying in the relationship was driving me into a deep depression so I ended things.

#bestdecisionever

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately and every breath I took thereafter was of fresh, clean air.

To anyone who stays w/a cheater, your love won't dissipate overnight, but will over time. You will never forget the pain this person caused you and eventually it will eat you up inside until it has taken your spirit and dignity.

Leave immediately.

Or you could have made a conscious decision to deal with your hurt and anger head on. Perhaps then it wouldn't have festered over 7 years and your kids would have an intact family. #dontsweepthingsundertherug

I don't know that that is fair. Cheating is a deal breaker for some people. Pp should have ended it when she realized that she could not move past it. Not everyone can make peace with a betrayal like that. Not everyone should make peace with a betrayal like that. Sometimes it really is best to just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

This for several people I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

This for several people I know.

This for 8 out of 9 people I know who have been cheated on, including those in which the unwitting spouse thinks the marriage is "stronger than ever." After being caught, cheaters learn to cover their tracks better. The personality traits that led them to cheat are not going to change just because they got caught and had to do some groveling in order to avoid getting dumped. The only exception I have ever seen is where it was the cheater himself who woke up and decided he wanted to stop cheating and confessed before there was even a chance he would be caught.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.

Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

This for several people I know.

This for 8 out of 9 people I know who have been cheated on, including those in which the unwitting spouse thinks the marriage is "stronger than ever." After being caught, cheaters learn to cover their tracks better. The personality traits that led them to cheat are not going to change just because they got caught and had to do some groveling in order to avoid getting dumped. The only exception I have ever seen is where it was the cheater himself who woke up and decided he wanted to stop cheating and confessed before there was even a chance he would be caught.

Yeah...reading the comment upthread about the two reformed husbands who no longer cheat, all I can think is "...that you know of".

[Anonymous]

Cheating partner begged me to take him back, I did, and a month later while I thought we were trying to work through the affair he left me for the other woman because he was "tired of you being sad about it all the time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.

Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.

I am quite sure that my child would not care a bit about infidelity he is not aware of going on while he is being raised in a calm, two-parent home. On the other hand, he would care very much about being shuttled back and forth between acrimoniously divorced parents. Make your moral judgments without hiding behind a boy you don't even know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

This for several people I know.

This for 8 out of 9 people I know who have been cheated on, including those in which the unwitting spouse thinks the marriage is "stronger than ever." After being caught, cheaters learn to cover their tracks better. The personality traits that led them to cheat are not going to change just because they got caught and had to do some groveling in order to avoid getting dumped. The only exception I have ever seen is where it was the cheater himself who woke up and decided he wanted to stop cheating and confessed before there was even a chance he would be caught.

Yeah...reading the comment upthread about the two reformed husbands who no longer cheat, all I can think is "...that you know of".

Pp here. Yea, I gave a sad little smile at those comments. I know of four couples right now consisting of wives who took back cheating husbands. All of the husbands are still cheating as I write this, but the wives have no idea. One wife actually got up in front of a group of friends at a mini reunion recently to share her experience of "happiness after infidelity." Her husband actually let her get up and tell the tale like a fool even though he KNEW that some of us in the room were aware of his ongoing infidelity. The older I get, the more human beings disappoint me. You won't find many people over age 50 or so who think cheaters just spontaneously stop cheating once caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.

Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.

I am quite sure that my child would not care a bit about infidelity he is not aware of going on while he is being raised in a calm, two-parent home. On the other hand, he would care very much about being shuttled back and forth between acrimoniously divorced parents. Make your moral judgments without hiding behind a boy you don't even know.

You're making a lot of assumptions PP:
--that your spouse wouldn't dump you
--that your household would remain "calm." Anger, hostility and resentment are pretty tough to hide, even when there is no yelling or fighting.
--that divorced parents are always fighting with one another

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

This for several people I know.

This for 8 out of 9 people I know who have been cheated on, including those in which the unwitting spouse thinks the marriage is "stronger than ever." After being caught, cheaters learn to cover their tracks better. The personality traits that led them to cheat are not going to change just because they got caught and had to do some groveling in order to avoid getting dumped. The only exception I have ever seen is where it was the cheater himself who woke up and decided he wanted to stop cheating and confessed before there was even a chance he would be caught.

Yeah...reading the comment upthread about the two reformed husbands who no longer cheat, all I can think is "...that you know of".

Pp here. Yea, I gave a sad little smile at those comments. I know of four couples right now consisting of wives who took back cheating husbands. All of the husbands are still cheating as I write this, but the wives have no idea. One wife actually got up in front of a group of friends at a mini reunion recently to share her experience of "happiness after infidelity." Her husband actually let her get up and tell the tale like a fool even though he KNEW that some of us in the room were aware of his ongoing infidelity. The older I get, the more human beings disappoint me. You won't find many people over age 50 or so who think cheaters just spontaneously stop cheating once caught.

Why would you not tell the woman that you know her husband is cheating again? That strikes me as cruel, if it is public knowledge and she is humiliating herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disastrous. Same behavior continued eventually.

This for several people I know.

This for 8 out of 9 people I know who have been cheated on, including those in which the unwitting spouse thinks the marriage is "stronger than ever." After being caught, cheaters learn to cover their tracks better. The personality traits that led them to cheat are not going to change just because they got caught and had to do some groveling in order to avoid getting dumped. The only exception I have ever seen is where it was the cheater himself who woke up and decided he wanted to stop cheating and confessed before there was even a chance he would be caught.

Yeah...reading the comment upthread about the two reformed husbands who no longer cheat, all I can think is "...that you know of".

Pp here. Yea, I gave a sad little smile at those comments. I know of four couples right now consisting of wives who took back cheating husbands. All of the husbands are still cheating as I write this, but the wives have no idea. One wife actually got up in front of a group of friends at a mini reunion recently to share her experience of "happiness after infidelity." Her husband actually let her get up and tell the tale like a fool even though he KNEW that some of us in the room were aware of his ongoing infidelity. The older I get, the more human beings disappoint me. You won't find many people over age 50 or so who think cheaters just spontaneously stop cheating once caught.

Why would you not tell the woman that you know her husband is cheating again? That strikes me as cruel, if it is public knowledge and she is humiliating herself.

Pp here. I have a life and problems of my own. I will not mire myself in someone else's problems, especially since she did not have the sense to realize he was a cheater after she caught him the first time. Staying with a cheater due to practical reasons is one thing. Staying with a cheater while thinking you can turn him into a paragon of virtue is just stupidity.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a world of difference in some one seeking a bit of affection when his/her spouse has abandonded the marriage, ie no sex for a year, never home, really hostile during the little time that you do get together - and some one having an affair while the unknowing spouse thought your marriage was happy and in a solid place. I feel like the first is one worth trying remedy. If I was cheated on in the second scenario, that's just pure betrayal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.

Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.

I am quite sure that my child would not care a bit about infidelity he is not aware of going on while he is being raised in a calm, two-parent home. On the other hand, he would care very much about being shuttled back and forth between acrimoniously divorced parents. Make your moral judgments without hiding behind a boy you don't even know.

Hope you never have to go through this, but I can see that there are some instances where two people love each other, love parenting their child together, and sometimes need a person on the side. I am one of the more conservative people out there and can understand if this happens. We are all human, right?