Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

And apparently assumed, for some bizarre reason, that it would stay exactly the same in perpetuity until retirement. Your mistake.

+1. I can’t even with this.

Why not. It’s part of the benefit package that they advertise when you get hired: healthcare, dental benefits, paid leave depending on years of service and flexible work options. We make less but have better benefits.

It’s not “part of the benefit package” that your job and responsibilities and situation will remain exactly the same your entire career. Have you ever even had another job besides your Fed job? It doesn’t sound like it. Jobs, job situations, job duties, bosses, coworkers, and other aspects of your job are not promised and not forever. If you think you can find a different job that promises you full telework and full job security forever, you should definitely take it.

It is part on the benefits package. It is literally in the job posting. And yes I have had experience in private practice. Most government employees hired the last 15 years or so have. The government rarely hires straight after law school. And guess what? I used to work from home 2 days a week when I was in private practice as well. You are miserable and want other people to be as miserable as you. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of people like PPs on here who say we were "spoiled" these last few years. Bullsh*t. We were finally coming closer to having better work situations for families with two working parents. It's not spoiled. It's more practical and better for the whole family, including kids, who most people claim to care so much about.

This is a step backward. Telling people who are upset to put on their big girl panties or similar stupid BS is just ahole behavior. EVERYONE would love flexibility if offered. Of course people with kids don't want to give it up, ESPECIALLY when there is no REAL reason they are doing this in terms of quality of work. This is all to hurt the workers so they'll quit. It's backassward and cruel. Don't be a dick about it.

Of course it's a step backward, I think we can all agree on this, however, you have to deal with your current reality and we're telling you how we did it in the past.

But the past isn't now. OP is asking how people are managing in the current landscape not 3/5/10 years ago.
The landscape is not the same. And you show your rigidity- that you accuse this generation of being- when you say this is what we did before as if before synonymous to now.
It's like people who respond to questions about retirement with well I worked a job and got a pension.....ummm 🤔 great for you. Or how do you handle commutes and they respond well we bought a house 10 years ago in a shady part of DC and fixed it up so we wouldn't have commutes. Right thanks for the tip!

You were all dealt a really tough hand, but at a certain point, you have to stop complaining because it's not looking like this is going to change for another for years, so I think you need to shift the energy you are using to complain and yell at people who are trying to provide good advice here to instead start searching for childcare. I'm certainly not going to give any more to this thread, since you don't think people like me have anything valuable to offer. Bye.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

And apparently assumed, for some bizarre reason, that it would stay exactly the same in perpetuity until retirement. Your mistake.

+1. I can’t even with this.

Why not. It’s part of the benefit package that they advertise when you get hired: healthcare, dental benefits, paid leave depending on years of service and flexible work options. We make less but have better benefits.

It’s not “part of the benefit package” that your job and responsibilities and situation will remain exactly the same your entire career. Have you ever even had another job besides your Fed job? It doesn’t sound like it. Jobs, job situations, job duties, bosses, coworkers, and other aspects of your job are not promised and not forever. If you think you can find a different job that promises you full telework and full job security forever, you should definitely take it.

Even if it is part of the benefit package, benefits change. I’ve had employers move from pensions to 401ks, change health insurance carriers and plans, increase premiums, add transit accounts, take away long term care insurance, move to “unlimited” PTO, add telework, reduce telework, rework comp days. A federal government job is more stable than most private sector one, but nothing is guaranteed.

For decades, we’ve heard feds smugly claim how underpaid they are vis-a-vis what they could be making in the private sector, but that they endure because of their morally superior sense of duty and service. Meanwhile, we hear about the million-dollar (+) close-in homes you live in, and the more evolved vacations you take because you are better with money than we are.

I think a good part of America is struggling to understand why there is now so much panic about forks and RIFs and RTO, if you were making such a mission-driven sacrifice in the first place. Why not take one of these plentiful private sector jobs that you were oh-so-qualified for but didn’t take? Or why your dedication to public service is gone now that you have to put your kids in daycare and commute during rush hour like the rest of us?

Was it really moral superiority, or did you just have a good deal, and now that that deal is gone, you’re facing the same trade-offs that the rest of America faces?

You're smashing together a whole bunch of different experiences and stereotypes here as though one person is saying all of them. I certainly don't have a million dollar close in home and lucrative private sector options (I work in land management, not one of the park rangers fired last week but sure do know a lot of them).

Most of my agency is already on site, not WFH, and our commutes are long because our salaries are low and it's very very hard for dual career couples to find work in the same location. We are worried about RIFs because ANYONE would be worried to be told layoffs are coming. Have some empathy.

DP here. I have empathy. It is a stressful time of uncertainty for the entire country. But it's a bit like the woman who acts like she's the first person ever to be pregnant or have a baby. Economic and job uncertainty is nothing new, even if it's "new" in the working lifetime of today's 30 year olds. It's the excessive hand-wringing and the "whatever will we do???" mentality that is hard to take. OP was completely fine - she was merely asking for tips and suggestions. Which is what she should do. It's everyone that came next that just wants to whine and stomp their feet insisting this isn't fair.

+1,000

-1,000. Neither of you have empathy. And it ISN'T fair. But it could be. Because it was. And it was working for the agencies and for the employee. Those of you who don't get that and don't care are little more than corporate slaves. Advocate for something better instead of accepting the status quo and bashing others who want what they were promised.

Life isn’t “fair.” Are you in middle school? Please.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

It’s not a dwindling supply but increased cost. I’m actually sympathetic to the RTO side because it’s apparent even in my own work (private) that full time WFH does not work, but something needs to be done about the cost of childcare. I pay exactly double an hour for a nanny that I did pre-pandemic. Double! And I’m not DCUM wealthy. The people saying “suck it up” paid $16 for a nanny just 5 years and have no idea what parents are up against. And if you complain about what nannies cost (more than many nurses make) people accuse you of abusing your employees. Parents can’t win.

But that’s the problem. You don’t need a “nanny.” Private in home childcare is a premium service. If you can’t afford it, you don’t get it. You use group childcare that you can afford. Yes, it will be less convenient for you. That’s OK. Yes, it may mean your kid doesn’t do extracurriculars every day after school that require transportation. That’s OK too. Locate your adult pants, pull them up and get on with it.

Spoken like someone who is either childless or has 1 kid.

The number of kids is your choice. You need to figure it out.

I’m the PP who posted about America being individualistic to the extreme. This attitude is not normal. So wonder so many ppl in the US are miserable.

I’m tired of high incomes complaining when they did not manage their money properly.

I’m the PP you are responding to. I have plenty of money thank you. Money is not an issue for me thankfully. Dunno what managing money has to do with the point I am making though.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in ES, they've been in aftercare this whole time because otherwise we can't get work done, so they'll just stay in aftercare later now. It sucks all around, but they like it there, so....[shrug]

[Anonymous]

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This is the crux of it. Too many people who feel they suffered so everyone else must too.
So. Many. Aholes.

But how does an agency balance it with those that can't telework?

I can't telework and I was in person all through covid. Morale for the in person workforce was awful and we constantly lost people who went for telework jobs. I spent $300 in gas alone to get to the office when my coworkers sat at home and complained if they had to come in one day per month to keep the network connection active.

You can't effectively run an agency when 80% of the workforce works at home and gets to live a vastly better life and tell the other 20% to suck it up.

If anyone has a serious answer to this then I'd love to hear it. Saying "suck it up" to the in person workforce isn't the answer.

I don’t know why you were onsite. But some jobs are not amenable to TW. My DH works with classified material so could not TW FT. I sit at a computer and am in Trams meetings and write briefs and orders. Nothing requires me to be onsite. Why should I have to go in just bc he has a job that is not conducive to it? That’s childish.

Because your employer told you to. And your tantrums are what’s childish.

You’re not chained to a desk. if the terms of your employment in 2025 are no longer tenable for you (current terms, not past terms), seek other employment that is.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many moms think oh well I had it tough so other moms should too. I had a very toxic job at one point— I would Never want someone else to have that job. I want things to IMPROVE.

Amen! We should be going forward, not backward. The complete lack of flexibility makes things more difficult than they should be. I don't understand why posters here can't empathize and want things to be better for all of us.

This is the crux of it. Too many people who feel they suffered so everyone else must too. No one saying that before was BETTER. Because it wasn't. Flexibility is better for families and work didn't suffer. This is arbitrary BS designed to make things so hard that PEOPLE QUIT. That's the goal. How can others be so heartless and soulless that they *enjoy* and *justify* the idea of making things harder for families. That going backwards is good because everyone should suck it up like they did. All these "suck it up" posters would have gobbled up the chances at flexibility if they had been offered back then. They are liars if they say otherwise.

So. Many. Aholes.

Nope, we just made better more realistic choices. Smaller, less fancy homes closer to work. One car that's older and not luxury. A parent working PT or mommy-tracked or whatever was necessary to making family life work with young children. You can make these choices too. You just don't want to. Own it.

This is funny. I am one of the PPs you are responding to. We live in a townhouse a five minute walk from the metro and we only have one car. We bought a smaller house (not cheap) because we wanted an easy commute to work. Seems like you’ve been dreaming of a big house or something? Cuz you sound really bitter.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:At my child’s private school, many families keep their nannies until middle school so that they can pick their children up from school at 3:00, drive them to sports/tutoring/ extracurricular activities and then bring them home and prep dinner by the time the parents get home from work. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

It makes sense but these are very wealthy families.

I'm friends with a couple who are both Fed attorneys. They have 3 kids and have kept an au pair through middle school. They plan to leave the au pair program once the youngest can drive. They have a gap where all 3 kids will be in 3 different schools for a couple of years, so they need someone to be a driver and do some air traffic control at home. They are not a "wealthy family" in the sense of being wealthier than many of the federal employees posting here.

That is a very wealthy family. Three kids, three cars, an au pair, etc.

Not wealthy (and not 3 cars) but they did prioritize the care of their children over expensive vacations, cars, and other trivial things.

Many of us don’t have the space for an au pair, can’t afford to pay 20k a year, or are simply uncomfortable having a stranger live in our house and pay them less than minimum wage. PP’s solution is to continue to have exploitative programs like the au pair program instead of pushing for better work life balance. It’s the American way. Exploit ppl who you can exploit.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

It’s not a dwindling supply but increased cost. I’m actually sympathetic to the RTO side because it’s apparent even in my own work (private) that full time WFH does not work, but something needs to be done about the cost of childcare. I pay exactly double an hour for a nanny that I did pre-pandemic. Double! And I’m not DCUM wealthy. The people saying “suck it up” paid $16 for a nanny just 5 years and have no idea what parents are up against. And if you complain about what nannies cost (more than many nurses make) people accuse you of abusing your employees. Parents can’t win.

But that’s the problem. You don’t need a “nanny.” Private in home childcare is a premium service. If you can’t afford it, you don’t get it. You use group childcare that you can afford. Yes, it will be less convenient for you. That’s OK. Yes, it may mean your kid doesn’t do extracurriculars every day after school that require transportation. That’s OK too. Locate your adult pants, pull them up and get on with it.

Spoken like someone who is either childless or has 1 kid.

The number of kids is your choice. You need to figure it out.

Lol the childless HOA president with 12 cats over here is here to lecture us on life choices 😂

Aren’t you embarrassed to be so loud and so wrong? You should be.

How do we know if PP is wrong? It’s an anonymous forum. You could be lying too lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want to know how other parents are managing RTO without a village.

I quit a job that paid $112K in the state government because of RTO, and we had no support network - no grandparents, friends, or family who could help with pick-up/drop-off or sick days.

My husband is gone from 4AM - 4PM in a secure, union job. I am solely responsible for school drop-off, pickup, and sick days. I was managing a full-time, supervisory position in the government, which was becoming incredibly challenging. When I looked at our finances, I could have enrolled our son in a before/after school care program or hired a nanny, which would cost us roughly $2000/month. This would mean he is at school from 7 AM - 4PM to allow for commute times. My son struggled to adjust to a full-time Kindergarten schedule from 8:30 - 3 PM, and his teacher suggested half days. (He is in an affordable private school)

My manager wanted me to come into the office for 2 days/week. This would mean I leave the house at 6:45 AM to get to work on time by 7:45 for an 8AM start. I was in a supervisory role that required me to train my staff. But we couldn't leave the office once we were there. So that meant I was there for 2 days/week, with my butt in a seat, and then had to compress my staff's training schedule to 3 other days/week. I had five staff in training who all needed extensive support.

So, I quit. I took a significant pay cut and am now making $30/hr in the private sector. I now have fewer retirement contributions but plan to return to a full-time, salaried base position when my son is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours. However, my office is home-based, and I have 2-3 hours of work meetings with clients in the field. I also make my own schedule and work 30 hours/week. My take-home pay is significantly less, but my son is happy to have me drop him off, and I can always be there for sick days. Before, I was scrambling to get everything done.

No sympathy

Had to take care of 2 kids while wife commuted into the city from Burke.

We barely made it. It is tough.

Someone has to have a “mommy job”.

Get over yourself

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:At my child’s private school, many families keep their nannies until middle school so that they can pick their children up from school at 3:00, drive them to sports/tutoring/ extracurricular activities and then bring them home and prep dinner by the time the parents get home from work. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

It makes sense but these are very wealthy families.

I'm friends with a couple who are both Fed attorneys. They have 3 kids and have kept an au pair through middle school. They plan to leave the au pair program once the youngest can drive. They have a gap where all 3 kids will be in 3 different schools for a couple of years, so they need someone to be a driver and do some air traffic control at home. They are not a "wealthy family" in the sense of being wealthier than many of the federal employees posting here.

That is a very wealthy family. Three kids, three cars, an au pair, etc.

Not wealthy (and not 3 cars) but they did prioritize the care of their children over expensive vacations, cars, and other trivial things.

Many of us don’t have the space for an au pair, can’t afford to pay 20k a year, or are simply uncomfortable having a stranger live in our house and pay them less than minimum wage. PP’s solution is to continue to have exploitative programs like the au pair program instead of pushing for better work life balance. It’s the American way. Exploit ppl who you can exploit.

Then get off your high horse and find another job that is more conducive to the lifestyle you want to live. Stop complaining and contorting yourself to find reasons why suggestions people are making won't work for you. The empathy that many showed earlier has worn thin due to the narcissistic and entitled attitudes demonstrated time and again by feds complaining on this thread.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

And apparently assumed, for some bizarre reason, that it would stay exactly the same in perpetuity until retirement. Your mistake.

+1. I can’t even with this.

Why not. It’s part of the benefit package that they advertise when you get hired: healthcare, dental benefits, paid leave depending on years of service and flexible work options. We make less but have better benefits.

It’s not “part of the benefit package” that your job and responsibilities and situation will remain exactly the same your entire career. Have you ever even had another job besides your Fed job? It doesn’t sound like it. Jobs, job situations, job duties, bosses, coworkers, and other aspects of your job are not promised and not forever. If you think you can find a different job that promises you full telework and full job security forever, you should definitely take it.

Even if it is part of the benefit package, benefits change. I’ve had employers move from pensions to 401ks, change health insurance carriers and plans, increase premiums, add transit accounts, take away long term care insurance, move to “unlimited” PTO, add telework, reduce telework, rework comp days. A federal government job is more stable than most private sector one, but nothing is guaranteed.

For decades, we’ve heard feds smugly claim how underpaid they are vis-a-vis what they could be making in the private sector, but that they endure because of their morally superior sense of duty and service. Meanwhile, we hear about the million-dollar (+) close-in homes you live in, and the more evolved vacations you take because you are better with money than we are.

I think a good part of America is struggling to understand why there is now so much panic about forks and RIFs and RTO, if you were making such a mission-driven sacrifice in the first place. Why not take one of these plentiful private sector jobs that you were oh-so-qualified for but didn’t take? Or why your dedication to public service is gone now that you have to put your kids in daycare and commute during rush hour like the rest of us?

Was it really moral superiority, or did you just have a good deal, and now that that deal is gone, you’re facing the same trade-offs that the rest of America faces?

You're smashing together a whole bunch of different experiences and stereotypes here as though one person is saying all of them. I certainly don't have a million dollar close in home and lucrative private sector options (I work in land management, not one of the park rangers fired last week but sure do know a lot of them).

Most of my agency is already on site, not WFH, and our commutes are long because our salaries are low and it's very very hard for dual career couples to find work in the same location. We are worried about RIFs because ANYONE would be worried to be told layoffs are coming. Have some empathy.

DP here. I have empathy. It is a stressful time of uncertainty for the entire country. But it's a bit like the woman who acts like she's the first person ever to be pregnant or have a baby. Economic and job uncertainty is nothing new, even if it's "new" in the working lifetime of today's 30 year olds. It's the excessive hand-wringing and the "whatever will we do???" mentality that is hard to take. OP was completely fine - she was merely asking for tips and suggestions. Which is what she should do. It's everyone that came next that just wants to whine and stomp their feet insisting this isn't fair.

+1,000

-1,000. Neither of you have empathy. And it ISN'T fair. But it could be. Because it was. And it was working for the agencies and for the employee. Those of you who don't get that and don't care are little more than corporate slaves. Advocate for something better instead of accepting the status quo and bashing others who want what they were promised.

Life isn’t “fair.” Are you in middle school? Please.

DP. The people shouting it's not fair are overwhelmingly people who hold jobs that can't be done remotely, or boomers who can't ever seem to adjust to technological advances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay for pre-care and after-care. It’s wonderful to know that it is there as we need it. If we come home early one day, then just pick the DC up. It’s an expense that gives peace of mind. I don’t want to keep hiring Nannie’s and teens for an hour here or there. I don’t want to keep searching on care.com. We just sucked up and paid for the given spot.

I our school district you will lose your lost if your kid misses too many days of before/after care. Also, there's a waiting list a mile long. This is not an option available to everyone.

Where we live there are plenty of TKD/ballet/gymnastics type places that pick up at the schools. More people use these than the onsite programs. You don't have to sign up for all 5 days if you don't want to, and they don't care if you don't use the spot every day you have paid for. Look around - I'm sure these exist where you are, in addition to in home situations as well.

Fun fact: none of those places are licensed child care settings, so if you have a child with a disability or a medical condition (or even allergies) it’s not necessarily someplace that child can safely go or will be welcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to know how other parents are managing RTO without a village.

I quit a job that paid $112K in the state government because of RTO, and we had no support network - no grandparents, friends, or family who could help with pick-up/drop-off or sick days.

My husband is gone from 4AM - 4PM in a secure, union job. I am solely responsible for school drop-off, pickup, and sick days. I was managing a full-time, supervisory position in the government, which was becoming incredibly challenging. When I looked at our finances, I could have enrolled our son in a before/after school care program or hired a nanny, which would cost us roughly $2000/month. This would mean he is at school from 7 AM - 4PM to allow for commute times. My son struggled to adjust to a full-time Kindergarten schedule from 8:30 - 3 PM, and his teacher suggested half days. (He is in an affordable private school)

My manager wanted me to come into the office for 2 days/week. This would mean I leave the house at 6:45 AM to get to work on time by 7:45 for an 8AM start. I was in a supervisory role that required me to train my staff. But we couldn't leave the office once we were there. So that meant I was there for 2 days/week, with my butt in a seat, and then had to compress my staff's training schedule to 3 other days/week. I had five staff in training who all needed extensive support.

So, I quit. I took a significant pay cut and am now making $30/hr in the private sector. I now have fewer retirement contributions but plan to return to a full-time, salaried base position when my son is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours. However, my office is home-based, and I have 2-3 hours of work meetings with clients in the field. I also make my own schedule and work 30 hours/week. My take-home pay is significantly less, but my son is happy to have me drop him off, and I can always be there for sick days. Before, I was scrambling to get everything done.

No sympathy

Had to take care of 2 kids while wife commuted into the city from Burke.

We barely made it. It is tough.

Someone has to have a “mommy job”.

Get over yourself

+1

My wife had to quit her job when our second was born. I had to commute an hour each way because that's what I could afford. Some months were tough and we didn't have enough and had to use the credit card. I kept working hard up get promotions to move closer to work.

I just roll my eyes when people complain that they can't pick up their kids or leave them nn the other room when they're working. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of people like PPs on here who say we were "spoiled" these last few years. Bullsh*t. We were finally coming closer to having better work situations for families with two working parents. It's not spoiled. It's more practical and better for the whole family, including kids, who most people claim to care so much about.

This is a step backward. Telling people who are upset to put on their big girl panties or similar stupid BS is just ahole behavior. EVERYONE would love flexibility if offered. Of course people with kids don't want to give it up, ESPECIALLY when there is no REAL reason they are doing this in terms of quality of work. This is all to hurt the workers so they'll quit. It's backassward and cruel. Don't be a dick about it.

Of course it's a step backward, I think we can all agree on this, however, you have to deal with your current reality and we're telling you how we did it in the past.

But the past isn't now. OP is asking how people are managing in the current landscape not 3/5/10 years ago.
The landscape is not the same. And you show your rigidity- that you accuse this generation of being- when you say this is what we did before as if before synonymous to now.
It's like people who respond to questions about retirement with well I worked a job and got a pension.....ummm 🤔 great for you. Or how do you handle commutes and they respond well we bought a house 10 years ago in a shady part of DC and fixed it up so we wouldn't have commutes. Right thanks for the tip!

You were all dealt a really tough hand, but at a certain point, you have to stop complaining because it's not looking like this is going to change for another for years, so I think you need to shift the energy you are using to complain and yell at people who are trying to provide good advice here to instead start searching for childcare. I'm certainly not going to give any more to this thread, since you don't think people like me have anything valuable to offer. Bye.

It's called venting and, yes, it's best if you go.