Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

I bet you're wrong, or that the variety they're eating in only happening because they're forced and will dry up once they are finally allowed to make their own choices.

Is this some kind of new parenting trope?? My kids are 6 and 8 and I make them TRY everything. I say "You're allowed to not like it but not until you taste it." Many times they end up admitting they like something they didn't want to eat. I made some curry yesterday that obviously didn't look good to them (orange slop on rice!) but they ended up devouring it. So we're supposed to let kids only eat what they like now? My kids would live on carbs.

In Girl Scouts this as known as the No Thank You Helping. In other words if you said no thank you, you still got a small spoonful to try.

This might be a Girl Scout thing because you did this in Girl Scouts, but this is not part of a formal Girl Scout program or activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

This is the sort of thing that someone who has never had a true picky eater says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

Did your in laws have lots of weird rules about other things too? My mil did something similar with her drinking glass. The woman has food issues and is very small and thinks everyone should be very small. She was very food restrictive to her children. They grew up with crazy rules about food. She will put water in a small juice glass and leave it sitting for days by the sink. It must be left by the sink. Do not ever touch it or move it. She will only take a sip or two here and there. Of course, no one outside of their family knows their crazy rules. I was post partum after being in the hospital for several weeks after having premature twins. She went ballistic when I put that glass in the dishwasher. I could go on with more crazy stories just from that post partum visit but my post would be too long.

Every Thanksgiving dh and I split our time between going to one of my family member's Thanksgiving celebrations and theirs later in the day. One year she was angry and when we got there we were refused plates. Grandma told us we were not allowed to eat. No one would talk to us. It was the most rude thing ever. She expected we would sit there and watch everyone else eat and take our punishment. She was mad about something and expected we would play her game of trying to figure out what we did wrong and then try to make her happy. She tortured some of her adult children with this kind of stuff their entire lives. She was always mad at someone and would pull things like this at every holiday.

Please tell me you guys just left, and didn't sit and watch everyone else eat and not interact with you? SMH at your MIL's abusive behavior and how everyone went along with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

My kids try a little of everything at family meals at home. On holidays, they can eat what they please, within reason. I'm surprised some of you don't seem to grasp that this is a very common approach to holiday meals. (With kids AND adults!) Holidays should be fun celebrations, not a forced march through foods you darn well know you don't like. (Yes, I've tried green bean casserole...no, I never want to eat even a small bite of it again.)

Ok? I hate beets but if I go to a friends house and she made beets, I’ll eat them. Because it’s polite. And because you never know. Tastes change even in adulthood. I learned to like olives in my 20s and cooked carrots in my late 30s. At someone’s house where people observe what you take, I will try anything so long as I’m not allergic to it or religiously against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

I bet you're wrong, or that the variety they're eating in only happening because they're forced and will dry up once they are finally allowed to make their own choices.

Is this some kind of new parenting trope?? My kids are 6 and 8 and I make them TRY everything. I say "You're allowed to not like it but not until you taste it." Many times they end up admitting they like something they didn't want to eat. I made some curry yesterday that obviously didn't look good to them (orange slop on rice!) but they ended up devouring it. So we're supposed to let kids only eat what they like now? My kids would live on carbs.

No, this is the evidence-based approach to raising healthy kids, with some exceptions for kids who have a diagnosed feeding issue.

My kids are in college now. They can eat whatever they want. They eat a balanced diet because they've learned how to eat and exercise to feel good.

Do they go to Thanksgiving meals at people’s houses and demand a special menu? If not, then great. But I know way too many people who don’t eat [insert list here] for non-medical or non-ethical reasons and expect to be accommodated. And it’s straight-up rude. You eat what your host makes unless you truly cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

My kids try a little of everything at family meals at home. On holidays, they can eat what they please, within reason. I'm surprised some of you don't seem to grasp that this is a very common approach to holiday meals. (With kids AND adults!) Holidays should be fun celebrations, not a forced march through foods you darn well know you don't like. (Yes, I've tried green bean casserole...no, I never want to eat even a small bite of it again.)

Ok? I hate beets but if I go to a friends house and she made beets, I’ll eat them. Because it’s polite. And because you never know. Tastes change even in adulthood. I learned to like olives in my 20s and cooked carrots in my late 30s. At someone’s house where people observe what you take, I will try anything so long as I’m not allergic to it or religiously against it.

If it's a plated dinner party, of course I eat the beets. It would be super obvious if there were four items on the plate, the plate was served by the host, and I didn't eat it. I would eat a bit just to make sure the host didn't worry I was hungry or something.

But if it's a big holiday buffet or big holiday family-style service, no, I don't take something of everything. I don't like beets, there's nothing "rude" about that. It's a personal preference.

It's really weird that you don't see the difference between a four- or five-item plated dinner party dinner and a huge holiday spread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

This is the sort of thing that someone who has never had a true picky eater says.

Quoted PP and I don’t know your criteria for “true” picky eating, but one of my kids literally gags on food he doesn’t like. Which is nearly everything except dairy, pasta, pizza, and one or two fruits. Does that count? I don’t force him to try stuff but I heavily encourage it and over time I have seen him improve a lot. If I thought I could implement a rule that he try one bite of everything, I would - but we’ve had enough power struggles that its not worth it. I have observed however that he is far more willing to try new foods, and far more willing to let himself like them, when in company. Especially with food passed at table and everyone saying “ooh that looks good.” So he watches his cousin devour lots of Chinese food and he’s willing to try a dumpling. Whereas at home he isn’t. It’s not the same effect at a buffet meal where he doesn’t see cousin taking the food put in front of her. He tried no new foods at all at the thanksgiving buffet for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

That’s fine. But when your kid is a freaking teenager, he or she no longer has to “try” foods. As a grown adult, I don’t need my MIL pressing me to “just try” the mashed rutabagas. I know by now that I don’t like them, I have tried them. I don’t need them taking up valuable real estate on my plate. At some point, people are allowed to have preferences, and fill their plate the way they see fit. My kids have tried every available food by now, and if they don’t want creamed onions, I’m not going to let some pushy old lady make them “try” them, again, some more.

I am the PP. it’s interesting because DS is 13 and he seems to still be ok with trying a bit of everything. But maybe I should tell him he doesn’t have to? It’s like he is hoping that maybe today mashed potatoes will be different
Anyway I would never pressure someone else’s kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Interesting! I do it mostly to teach him being polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

I bet you're wrong, or that the variety they're eating in only happening because they're forced and will dry up once they are finally allowed to make their own choices.

I am the PP you are discussing I have one child and he seems to just decide to start eating stuff (or stop eating stuff) on his own.
I mostly do it for politeness reasons (asking him to try stuff when we are at someone’s house)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

I bet you're wrong, or that the variety they're eating in only happening because they're forced and will dry up once they are finally allowed to make their own choices.

Is this some kind of new parenting trope?? My kids are 6 and 8 and I make them TRY everything. I say "You're allowed to not like it but not until you taste it." Many times they end up admitting they like something they didn't want to eat. I made some curry yesterday that obviously didn't look good to them (orange slop on rice!) but they ended up devouring it. So we're supposed to let kids only eat what they like now? My kids would live on carbs.

No, this is the evidence-based approach to raising healthy kids, with some exceptions for kids who have a diagnosed feeding issue.

My kids are in college now. They can eat whatever they want. They eat a balanced diet because they've learned how to eat and exercise to feel good.

Do they go to Thanksgiving meals at people’s houses and demand a special menu? If not, then great. But I know way too many people who don’t eat [insert list here] for non-medical or non-ethical reasons and expect to be accommodated. And it’s straight-up rude. You eat what your host makes unless you truly cannot.

You eat what you want of what's provided. It's straight-up rude to demand a different meal from your hosts (and I don't think anyone has advocated that), but it's also straight-up rude to demand that another human being eat something because you decided they should. You don't have to eat the beets if you don't want the beets. But you don't get to complain about the beets, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

My kids try a little of everything at family meals at home. On holidays, they can eat what they please, within reason. I'm surprised some of you don't seem to grasp that this is a very common approach to holiday meals. (With kids AND adults!) Holidays should be fun celebrations, not a forced march through foods you darn well know you don't like. (Yes, I've tried green bean casserole...no, I never want to eat even a small bite of it again.)

Ok? I hate beets but if I go to a friends house and she made beets, I’ll eat them. Because it’s polite. And because you never know. Tastes change even in adulthood. I learned to like olives in my 20s and cooked carrots in my late 30s. At someone’s house where people observe what you take, I will try anything so long as I’m not allergic to it or religiously against it.

You should be able to decline beets if you want. There are textures and flavors I will not eat. I will politely say no thank you (or quietly skip). And if the host asks me why or tries to pressure me, I'll repeat no, thank you, I don't like seafood. This should not be a problem and if it is, it ain't mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

I bet you're wrong, or that the variety they're eating in only happening because they're forced and will dry up once they are finally allowed to make their own choices.

Is this some kind of new parenting trope?? My kids are 6 and 8 and I make them TRY everything. I say "You're allowed to not like it but not until you taste it." Many times they end up admitting they like something they didn't want to eat. I made some curry yesterday that obviously didn't look good to them (orange slop on rice!) but they ended up devouring it. So we're supposed to let kids only eat what they like now? My kids would live on carbs.

No, this is the evidence-based approach to raising healthy kids, with some exceptions for kids who have a diagnosed feeding issue.

My kids are in college now. They can eat whatever they want. They eat a balanced diet because they've learned how to eat and exercise to feel good.

Do they go to Thanksgiving meals at people’s houses and demand a special menu? If not, then great. But I know way too many people who don’t eat [insert list here] for non-medical or non-ethical reasons and expect to be accommodated. And it’s straight-up rude. You eat what your host makes unless you truly cannot.

You eat what you want of what's provided. It's straight-up rude to demand a different meal from your hosts (and I don't think anyone has advocated that), but it's also straight-up rude to demand that another human being eat something because you decided they should. You don't have to eat the beets if you don't want the beets. But you don't get to complain about the beets, either.

+1

On the subject of trying everything, I don't make my son do that anywhere but at home. The last thing I want the host to see is my kid trying to politely hide his obvious gag-grimace. He has good manners and I've seen him try many foods without making a face even if he doesn't like it. But there's a limit for everyone. My inlaws used to make TONS of sides, including one Uncle's fave canned-oyster casserole, one aunt's turkey gizzards, etc. Thankfully my sil has taken over thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.

Though I bet her kids eat a lot more variety because of it.

I bet you're wrong, or that the variety they're eating in only happening because they're forced and will dry up once they are finally allowed to make their own choices.

Is this some kind of new parenting trope?? My kids are 6 and 8 and I make them TRY everything. I say "You're allowed to not like it but not until you taste it." Many times they end up admitting they like something they didn't want to eat. I made some curry yesterday that obviously didn't look good to them (orange slop on rice!) but they ended up devouring it. So we're supposed to let kids only eat what they like now? My kids would live on carbs.

No, this is the evidence-based approach to raising healthy kids, with some exceptions for kids who have a diagnosed feeding issue.

My kids are in college now. They can eat whatever they want. They eat a balanced diet because they've learned how to eat and exercise to feel good.

Do they go to Thanksgiving meals at people’s houses and demand a special menu? If not, then great. But I know way too many people who don’t eat [insert list here] for non-medical or non-ethical reasons and expect to be accommodated. And it’s straight-up rude. You eat what your host makes unless you truly cannot.

You eat what you want of what's provided. It's straight-up rude to demand a different meal from your hosts (and I don't think anyone has advocated that), but it's also straight-up rude to demand that another human being eat something because you decided they should. You don't have to eat the beets if you don't want the beets. But you don't get to complain about the beets, either.

All of this, 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will not sit down for more than a few minutes. Puts a damper on everything and really rushes the meal. It’s been like this for the 20 years I’ve known her. We try to ignore but it’s tough because she’s practically clearing people’s plates and putting food away in containers right after everyone gets their food and sits. I am the one the does most of the cooking because her cooking has been deemed inedible by everyone (though she still makes a few things that go completely uneaten by anyone). So I’ll cook for hours and hours and have about ten minutes to eat. Hate it. I’ve stopped making the good stuff for their house and just host my own dinner with my immediate family and some friends the next day. Next year I’m just buying dinner from the store. Not worth the effort. This year was the last!

Why don't you let her pack everything up and then go take everything back out for a second round .... and make her pack it back up again.

Hahaha. The answer to your question is that we sort of do this. Everyone ends up in the kitchen, standing around and picking food out of the leftover containers (which but the way are a random assortment of reuses plastic containers—think “I can’t believe it’s not…cranberry sauce”. It’s become a bit of a game lol.) I love the woman dearly, but this is a definite quirk I’m just going to live with and lower expectations of holiday meals. My husband always eats before we go over there, smart man.