Best consequence for getting a "D" on a report card

[Anonymous]

DD struggeles in HS. She has mild ADD but is also very oppositional in any attempts to help her.
I know some people subscribe to the "let her fail" school of thought.

But I do think there should be some kind of consequence.

What makes more sense: summer school or a tutor for the classes she got a D in?
Or something else?
What am I missing here?
We are also considering counseling to maybe try improve self esteem, procrastination tendencies, anxiety.
The pediatrician screened for depression and said that is not an issue.
Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Do you know why she got a D? My son has ADHD and received a D, mainly because he did not turn in homework. We are going to work on his organizational skills over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Are her classes too hard? Or her overall class schedule too demanding? Is she in honors/AP. Maybe she shouldn't be. Students can go to college w/out honors & AP classes. They can find a college to go to graduating HS with the Standard Diploma. Is this a class required for HS graduation? (for the standard diploma) If not, move-on and give her a lighter schedule next year. If it's a foundation course, like algebra, she should be tutored throughout the summer - same w/foreign language. If it is FL and she must take the next level, have her take the next level pass/fail.

I saw many students struggle with the overall demands of high school. Maybe the specific material of one course is not beyond their ability, but the demands on their time overall is too much.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to know for sure what to advise with just the information you've given. It's not unusual for kids at this age to be oppositional and resistant to help from their parents. This is probably even more true for SN kids, since there's nothing worse at the teen/preteen age than feeling different from one's peers.

My child has ADHD too and was very resistant to any attempts DH or I made to help at this age. She'd get a D or E on a test but refuse all offers we made to help her prepare for the next test so she could do better. She'd insist she knew what she was doing and cry or yell if we suggested she could benefit from extra support. She complained bitterly when we proposed having her evaluated, and she groused constantly when we brought up the possibiity of having her work with a tutor or go to her teachers for extra help. We didn't know what to do.

Fast forward into high school, with her grades continuing to drop. We insisted she be tested, and sure enough the report came back with inattentive ADHD. I think the combination of the test report spelling out the problems in black and white, coupled with DD's becoming more mature, has made things easier. DD still grumbles but accepts tutoring. She is still sensitive whenever we suggest she needs to work harder to bring her grades up, however most times now she will pitch a 2 minute "mini-fit" about it and then buckle down and apply herself. It's a step in the right direction at least.

I guess what I'm saying is that the situation with your child is a process, so don't despair as it will probably get better as she matures. I'd suggest a natural consequence for your situation. Have her work with a tutor to bring up the grade. Also agree that you need to understand what caused the D -- was it failing to turn in homework (common with ADHD kids) or was it bombing certain tests or assignments? Once you know this you can plan the type of tutoring and support accordingly.

[Anonymous]

What course is it?

[Anonymous]

I agree that it all depends on why she got a D. My dd struggles with math. For her, a C in math is party-worthy. However, she is capable of straight As in everything else, and that is what we generally expect in those subjects.

If your child is struggling with the material, or having difficulty with executive functioning issues... but is doing her best, do not punish her. Get her help.

If she is slacking off and not trying, it's time to lay down the law.

[Anonymous]

I'd try to address the underlying cause, like PPs have said. Tutoring may be necessary.

But I'm a bigger fan of positive rewards. If it's homework, tie the reward to better homework performance rather than a specific grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd try to address the underlying cause, like PPs have said. Tutoring may be necessary.

But I'm a bigger fan of positive rewards. If it's homework, tie the reward to better homework performance rather than a specific grade.

+1 to all of this, but also with some sort of natural consequence involving the loss/reduction of a time-waster (say, screen or phone time) until her grades are back up. Kids need a little nudge sometimes. I did.

I am for sure not a proponent of "let her fail." That strikes me as not only hostile, but as lazy parenting and poor support for your child.

[Anonymous]

Have her work with a tutor, and have her take an organizational skills seminar or training. Not as a punishment type consequence, but because she wants to invest in her own future. This isn't about giving her a punishment for a D. This is about helping her do better.

[Anonymous]

We are big into logical consequences and we have struggled with finding the appropriate way to deal with low grades w/ ADHD. In this situation, I have always worked to find and address the underlying cause. My ADHD kid gets oppositional when he is frustrated because he can do the work intellectually, but is blocked by executive functioning limits. I would start by talking to her teacher and getting a good handle on why her grades are low.

1. Is her ADHD a properly controlled? That is, is her medication right? (If she isn't on medication, it may be time to start). My DS gets really oppositional when he forgets his meds. If her grades are that low, but she is smart enough to do the work, she may need a med adjustment. Not really her fault, and a "punishment" isn't going to help.

2. I'd she in a class that is too tough for her? Also, not her fault. But, she may need remediation, to take a less rigorous course next in the sequence, to retake at a less rigorous level (Gen Ed, not honors) next yeaR or this summer. The teacher should be able to suggest.

3. Can she do the work, but has issues with turning in completed homework, making careless mistakes on tests, following directions for large assignments? She may need an organizational tutor or study skills class.

4. Is she getting distracted and, for example, playing Minecraft and blowing off homework (my DS !) The consequence may be to remove the distraction (no kindle until homework is done).

+100 on an evaluation by a good psychologist (not a pediatrician) to tease out what is going on because ADHD a often comes with "friends" like anxiety or depression. Certainly consider a neuropsych eval, if you don't have one. And definitely counseling for any issues id'd by the psychologist. ADD often has a lot of moving parts.

Remember, bright women can often compensate for ADHD really well. But each year, demands increase, and things get a little more out of control. She may have just reached her tipping point. Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

And check out/ have this reposted in the SN forum.

[Anonymous]

Did she try in the class or did she slack off? If the D is the best that she could do, then praise her for her hard work. No consequence.

[Anonymous]

Isn't having a "D" on your report card and transcript punishment enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't having a "D" on your report card and transcript punishment enough?

How does she feel about the D? One of my kids was prone to self-defeating behavior, and therapy helped a lot with that. Does your daughter not care (or say she doesn't care) about doing well in school? Does she claim to care but get discouraged easily? Does she try hard but it all blows up anyway?

I will say that I am a "let them fail" parent to the extent that I believe in natural consequences whenever possible, and logical consequences if the natural ones are too long-term or if I don't think a child is thinking clearly. I don't let my kids do whatever they want indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

OP - If your daughter got a D in more than one class in high school, then there can be serious consequences for her future so it is important to get to underlying reasons for her behaviors. A pediatrician is not necessarily the best person to be doing a mental health screening of a teenager already diagnosed with ADD and negative behaviors to the interventions offered. I would suggest finding a woman psychologist who works with high school students to do a screening with a background being provided of what is going on at home, her attitude toward school, her interactions with her friends and especially any changes that you have noticed in last year.

I think it depends on which classes she got a D in and why as mentioned. Also, what does her summer routine look like in the first place. DD does not need an open summer spent doing nothing or having no sort of routine. You might split the Ds and suggest a summer school class in the one that you really need to be sure she masters the basic skills set to move on in the public school say in math or a language. For the other, if it is has less important building blocks or the skills might be addressed by a tutor, go that way, too. Also try and find a tutor who can work with her on the organizational skllls as mentioned. You might set something positive for her to also have as "a reward" for being willing to work towards certain goals.