Best consequence for getting a "D" on a report card

[Anonymous]

Why did she get a D and was this a surprise?

The time for action was long ago. Our rules: do your work, keep us posted, no surprises and answer direct questions.

Why wasn't a tutor hired at the semester point when she could recover and learn? If she did everything right and still got a D, there's no punishment to give.

I think summer school is in order, however, because even if this isn't supomething I would punish, she does need to learn the material, and she does need to take responsibility for the bad outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd try to address the underlying cause, like PPs have said. Tutoring may be necessary.

But I'm a bigger fan of positive rewards. If it's homework, tie the reward to better homework performance rather than a specific grade.

+1 to all of this, but also with some sort of natural consequence involving the loss/reduction of a time-waster (say, screen or phone time) until her grades are back up. Kids need a little nudge sometimes. I did.

I am for sure not a proponent of "let her fail." That strikes me as not only hostile, but as lazy parenting and poor support for your child.

I would like to point out that taking away screen time is not a natural consequence.

"Let her fail" is a natural consequence.

I am not advocating one or the other, simply confused by your terminology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD struggeles in HS. She has mild ADD but is also very oppositional in any attempts to help her.
I know some people subscribe to the "let her fail" school of thought.

But I do think there should be some kind of consequence.

What makes more sense: summer school or a tutor for the classes she got a D in?
Or something else?
What am I missing here?
We are also considering counseling to maybe try improve self esteem, procrastination tendencies, anxiety.
The pediatrician screened for depression and said that is not an issue.
Thanks in advance.

An F means summer school, tutor for summer and next school year and me checking that homework is completed every night. A D would be summer school, tutor during the next school year and homework checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD struggeles in HS. She has mild ADD but is also very oppositional in any attempts to help her.
I know some people subscribe to the "let her fail" school of thought.

But I do think there should be some kind of consequence.

What makes more sense: summer school or a tutor for the classes she got a D in?
Or something else?
What am I missing here?
We are also considering counseling to maybe try improve self esteem, procrastination tendencies, anxiety.
The pediatrician screened for depression and said that is not an issue.
Thanks in advance.

Make her study the material for each class she had an unacceptable grade in and then devise your own assessments. Your DD will soon learn that slacking off on schoolwork won't increase her free time.

[Anonymous]

As a teen I had undiagnosed and unmedicated ADD. I managed to usually pull off at least a C in a couple really tough subjects.

Now looking back here is what I would say would have helped:

- proper medication for ADD
- remedial tutoring in math and science. Those were tough classes and I missed a lot of basic concepts because it was too tough to focus on them. Getting tutoring at the level of my current class would not have helped. I needed tutoring to cover what I missed the year before.
-forced independent study time at home to follow up on the tutoring - basically I needed my parents to tell me to schedule a time each day and sit in the same place and review the tutoring work. I would likely need them to be close by to ensure that I would do it.

[Anonymous]

OP here,
Thanks everyone for the replies and support! It was very helpful to hear how others handle this situation!!! ( and not something I can freely discuss with parent's at DD's school )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teen I had undiagnosed and unmedicated ADD. I managed to usually pull off at least a C in a couple really tough subjects.

Now looking back here is what I would say would have helped:

- proper medication for ADD
- remedial tutoring in math and science. Those were tough classes and I missed a lot of basic concepts because it was too tough to focus on them. Getting tutoring at the level of my current class would not have helped. I needed tutoring to cover what I missed the year before.
-forced independent study time at home to follow up on the tutoring - basically I needed my parents to tell me to schedule a time each day and sit in the same place and review the tutoring work. I would likely need them to be close by to ensure that I would do it.

NP and just a thank you for this! I need to be reminded of this for my ADD DS.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other PPs. Is the D because of lack of effort or lack of understanding? This would be the difference between teaching organizational skills vs. assessing curriculum/getting a tutor.

My stepson, a rising junior with Asperger's, falls into the lazy camp. He is bright but gets lazy about homework and can fall behind. Like many teens, he is motivated by cold, hard cash, and that is what worked for us. We set a monetary value for grades and gave him a down payment (25% of total promised) only if he had all As/Bs (our agreement) at midterms. If he still had the same grades at end of year, he got the other 75%. If not, he did not get any more. May be worth a try for next school year depending on whether cash is motivating to your kid.

[Anonymous]

I got a D in social studies when I was in 10th grade. It was mostly due to laziness; I could have tried harder and I didn't. While it was a passing grade, my parents made me take it over in summer school to get a better grade. I was embarrassed to go to summer school, but I got an A. And I was proud looking at that A on my transcript. I definitely learned my lesson. Not that I am behind "shaming" a child, but it was a good lesson. It also gave me something to do during the summer on days I wasn't working my PT job. Could be a win win, OP!

[Anonymous]

How many classes did she get a "D" in? Are we talking 1 or 2 classes or more than that?

[Anonymous]

D for Diploma...
I mean that in the best sense. You know if your kid has issues, don't punish them if they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd try to address the underlying cause, like PPs have said. Tutoring may be necessary.

But I'm a bigger fan of positive rewards. If it's homework, tie the reward to better homework performance rather than a specific grade.

+1 to all of this, but also with some sort of natural consequence involving the loss/reduction of a time-waster (say, screen or phone time) until her grades are back up. Kids need a little nudge sometimes. I did.

I am for sure not a proponent of "let her fail." That strikes me as not only hostile, but as lazy parenting and poor support for your child.

Agree with this. Don’t let her fail. Her natural consequences for a D is having you micromanage her assignments and studying/study time and reducing her screen time that isn’t related to schoolwork- make her sit at the table/common house area if she happens to claim “doing homework” when she in in fact not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teen I had undiagnosed and unmedicated ADD. I managed to usually pull off at least a C in a couple really tough subjects.

Now looking back here is what I would say would have helped:

- proper medication for ADD
- remedial tutoring in math and science. Those were tough classes and I missed a lot of basic concepts because it was too tough to focus on them. Getting tutoring at the level of my current class would not have helped. I needed tutoring to cover what I missed the year before.
-forced independent study time at home to follow up on the tutoring - basically I needed my parents to tell me to schedule a time each day and sit in the same place and review the tutoring work. I would likely need them to be close by to ensure that I would do it.

I agree. I had undiagnosed ADD too, and would have benefited from the above. My son has severe inattentive ADHD (as it's now called). In middle and high school he had to be medicated with Adderall, and we paid for expensive one-on-one tutors who were very good. Previously in elementary we had tutored him ourselves. We were his executive functioning coaches throughout his schooling until he left for college. He needed a lot of support in math, but got straight As everywhere else. He's now doing well in college, because he can choose the courses he wants (having vaulted over the freshman core classes thanks to his AP coursework), and he always does better when the topic is in his area of interest.

It's time to really put pressure on your kid to get her grades up, OP. This is not negotiable. Other things like clothing and food choices might be accommodated. But not this.

[Anonymous]

No phone

[Anonymous]

Consequences? How about you instead figure out what the hell is going on? Does she need ADHD meds? Motivation? Not good at that subject? More suited to trade school? Depressed? Teacher is terrible?