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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In watching her story play out, I am inspired to choose healing together if ever faced with that pain. Her post-divorce desperate mess and Brandon’s post-divorce new family is not a win over what could have been choosing forgiveness and loving each other through it. They didn’t even try, by her own admission. Divorce was it. They’re a cautionary tale.[/quote]

I hope that you never experience it. It’s the worst of pains, such betrayal. My husband cheated on me while I was balancing work and motherhood of small boys, and I never withheld affection. Hardest gut kick of my life. His was a coworker and she was kind of the aggressive type and single. He spent more time with her than me by nature of how work and home hours often are. It still makes me sick to think about. This is largely why I have watched Jen’s story with great interest. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I did the wrong thing fighting for my marriage. I still have terribly hard and insecure moments at times, but less and less often as years pass. In frustrated moments, I will wonder if my husband “got away with it” or if I could have had a happier fresh start with someone new or even by myself. Maybe that’s the outcome for some people. But the truth of my story is: years later I’m really glad we did it this way. My husband did the work in caring for me in my emotions and still does. He completely shut off the old situation. No contact immediately and a new job. Our kids were too young to notice, so they never knew. Now that they are growing into school ages, and if we had split, we would be shuffling them back and forth. Our money would be tighter. Parenting “off days” or holidays would be lonelier. I looked at Brandon’s wedding pictures and wondered how I would feel if it were my husband proudly standing beside a gorgeous new bride with our kids all standing around them, and the thought of it made me teary. Would my sons think of her as another mom? I can’t imagine. Life sucks sometimes. None of it’s easy. But we have far more good days than not. We are deeply in love. Our sex life was restored with patience and practice and eventually enthusiasm. Our kids are happy and secure. And we held each other through the whole mess. If any of Jen’s followers ever find themselves in the same boat, I hope they’ll consider fighting for the people they love. It is worth it but not for the faint of heart. I’m afraid even if Jen had tried, her personality would have constantly shamed Brandon and held it endlessly over his head. That isn’t healthy for anyone. Every situation is so different. There is no one cookie cutter solution. But if there were, it’s definitely not whatever Jen did to end up in her current state.[/quote]

Same story for me. Our path to forgiveness was different than yours but the same outcome. And I watch Jen with sympathy but also sincere pity. Even now her ego can’t see her contribution in her life situation or how she ended up where she is-with a pretend boyfriend that she thinks will keep her if she is "no work" and "agreeable" because he needs her influence.

Listened to the podcast and agree w previous person. She is justifying his behavior at her expense. And it’s SO immature to try to play the “effortless, independent, I don’t have needs” cool girlfriend card. Having needs doesn’t make you needy or weak. And his not wanting to or inability to provide for those needs doesn’t make him bad either. But real, mature grownups can speak those truths on both sides. And it's entirely possible Tyler is being honest with her: I can't/won't do [insert] and if she’s bending and acquiescing to his boundary, then that’s on her. Reminds me of this therapist who wrote about being the "it's fine" puppet in a relationship.

https://www.instagram.com/p/ClmkvP9PYgS/--- I was a “it’s fine” puppet for a very long time. Being a needless girl turned me into a needless woman which meant that I had zero boundaries, pretended like I was okay with things I wasn’t okay with, and fronted like I was unaffected. I was too afraid to rock the boat. Too afraid to share how I felt in fear that people would leave. Too afraid to be affected.

Maybe someone should tag her in all of these:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQJ-WL-loxj/
And also: https://www.instagram.com/p/CWmKVdblGjL/
[/quote]

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