I turned sixty and seem to have become invisible.

[Anonymous]

I've always been an attractive woman and people often commented on my looks especially on my face. In my younger years, if I changed my lipstick by one shade friends and co-workers would notice. Last week I got about four inches cut off of my hair - went from a long bob to a short bob - and not one person even mentioned I got my hair cut.

I've been feeling invisible in other areas, too. A couple months ago a young (30 something) neighbor told me laughingly that her father (around my age) thought I was beautiful. She said it as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

Does a woman in her later years simply become invisible to younger people? (Although with the hair cut, even women my own age didn't notice.)

[Anonymous]

Don't know what to say, OP, but wanted someone to reply ... so you don't really think you're invisible!

But yes, I think there is a real issue of older women becoming invisible in society. There's a lack of respect in society for older women and no real role for them (I say this as a woman heading towards my 50s). I think it's a legacy of women being primary home and child carers and not in leading professional roles. Hopefully it will change for our children's generation. Also, our culture generally doesn't respect older people (like, for example, Asian cultures).

The most important thing is not to get bitter about it! Keep yourself active and involved and definitely don't rate yourself by your looks!

[Anonymous]

Yes! You get used to it after some time. When I go out in public with my DD, I am suddenly the center of attention again (people are looking at my DD --both sexes-- because she is very attractive) Sometimes when I go out and a guy is very nice to me -- they are always in their mid 30s -- I finally realized that they are "relating to a mom figure"

[Anonymous]

I have noticed this too! I'm not beautiful by any means, but do have striking eyes. I clearly remember the last time anyone noticed them - I am 57 and it was probably about 7 years ago! I am fit and pretty trim and dress carefully, but one does just become sort of part of the background.

It is not just ones appearance. Ones opinions suddenly are not important either.

I have come to kind of embrace this though - you are a ghost who can flit into and out of situations without anyone noticing. It is kind of nice being the fly on the wall!

[Anonymous]

I hope I'm beyond defining myself by my looks by the time I'm 60, but it must be hard. My next door neighbor and mother in law both still do and I think it is very hard on them. 60 just can't compete with 20 or 30.

At 40, I'm trying to not think about what others think of my looks. But it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always been an attractive woman and people often commented on my looks especially on my face. In my younger years, if I changed my lipstick by one shade friends and co-workers would notice. Last week I got about four inches cut off of my hair - went from a long bob to a short bob - and not one person even mentioned I got my hair cut.

I've been feeling invisible in other areas, too. A couple months ago a young (30 something) neighbor told me laughingly that her father (around my age) thought I was beautiful. She said it as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

Does a woman in her later years simply become invisible to younger people? (Although with the hair cut, even women my own age didn't notice.)

I'm sure you are still very attractive. Ignore that 30 year old - how rude. Re the hair and lack of comments it could be that people do not want to comment on appearance, especially in the workplace. I'm in my mid 40s and notice when people make changes to their appearance yet seldom comment because I don't want to make them uncomfortable. That said, I try to positively note attractive clothing in a very light way. Again, I'm sure you are lovely - often see true beauties of all ages, in their 70s, etc

[Anonymous]

I'm turning 50 in a few months and I'm going full force into it--going natural with the hair (so I'll be salt and pepper) and I'm ok if people see me as "mom."

I think yes, as PPs have said, our culture is not conducive to women getting older. However; I think one mistake many women make is to try to look younger--with many, they end up looking younger but not healthy (esp. with the hair dye). I decided to look older but healthy.

It's very liberating because it's a different kind of beauty.

Back to your point--it is always hard to change how you relate to the world, when the world starts relating to you in a different way. But it is a way to grow, if you choose to look at it that way. If you (and me) are not noticed as much any more for our looks, what else have we hopefully developed in our arsenal over the years, that makes us not invisible?

[Anonymous]

I don't really feel that it has anything to do with looks, it's just a general lack of acknowledgement or respect for women over about 50 or so. I don't know why, but it just seems built into our society somehow that it is okay to laugh at or be dismissive of older women both in popular culture and media and in everyday life.

I read posts on this board all the time that display this attitude toward women over 50: it is interesting to read the things people say here that they don't say out loud in real life. It's really given me an insight into what people are really thinking. You could look great, but if you are a woman over 50, many people either don't think about you at all or they assume you are some laughable stereotype.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, it's a big adjustment and takes time. I used to be strikingly attractive and now I'm not. I'm now seen as cuddly and mommish and old. I am who I am. Thankfully, I never relied on or defined myself by my looks, but I did get a lot of notice and benefits. I miss being young at times, but there's nothing healthy you can do other than to accept and embrace what you are now.

Maybe we can work more on changing how our society mostly values women for looks and sex. We need to remind people of the value of the older Wise Woman to a society.

[Anonymous]

Actresses complain that there are no roles available. Well, this is a reflection of life, where we become invisible over time. We fade into motherhood, and continue fading until shop assistants no longer pay attention and waiters stop refilling our waters. Men have long stopped getting up to give us a seat on the bus, or holding open the door at Starbucks.

I already see the invisibility coming and I'm nowhere near your sixty. I wonder how much sooner it would have met you if you weren't as attractive as you are?

[Anonymous]

I've mentioned this elsewhere but I think it's harder for some women who were very attractive when they were younger. I was not ugly as a young woman but I didn't have the experience of getting a lot of attention due to my so-so looks, discomfort with traditional femininity, and social awkwardness. (I did suffer from street harassment though and I don't miss that at all!) So when I read about other people's concerns, I feel for them but I feel like I live on a different planet. I don't miss the attention for my looks because I didn't get it that often to begin with.

And mostly I'm more focused on how to use the few years I have left to work out, write more, and be of use to the community. All those things that you put off when your kids are young. It's great to have more time to focus on who I want to be.

[Anonymous]

I strive to be invisible. It was hell being young and beautiful.

Growing old is great. Once you embrace it, you feel a sense of calm, comfortable in one's skin.

Finally !

Fight it and you're going to be disappointed.

Plus you can dress weird and nobody will blink and eye at you.

[Anonymous]

Yup. Get used to it.

[Anonymous]

This is why it's great to be pretty when you're young but powerful when you're old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it's great to be pretty when you're young but powerful when you're old.

Nailed it, pp.