I turned sixty and seem to have become invisible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always been an attractive woman and people often commented on my looks especially on my face. In my younger years, if I changed my lipstick by one shade friends and co-workers would notice. Last week I got about four inches cut off of my hair - went from a long bob to a short bob - and not one person even mentioned I got my hair cut.

I've been feeling invisible in other areas, too. A couple months ago a young (30 something) neighbor told me laughingly that her father (around my age) thought I was beautiful. She said it as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

Does a woman in her later years simply become invisible to younger people? (Although with the hair cut, even women my own age didn't notice.)

I'm 39 and haven't read all the responses. However, it's possible that people just don't like or notice your haircut, so they don't say anything. (Or it's possible I'm not as attractive as you ever were so this started for me way before it started for you). Not sure if that's a bette ralternative, but something to keep in mind!

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this has been asked before in this thread, but why does the OP really care about turning invisible? You're not going to turn heads at 60 the same way you did at 20, 30 or even 40. The key (at least for women, and somewhat for men as well) is not to become so invested in your physical appearance that your entire psyche is geared towards external validation.

For men, they start to turn invisible in the workplace around 50 or so, and in places like Silicon Valley, around 35-40. Youth has been worshiped throughout history, particularly by those who squandered theirs and are somehow trying to reclaim it by looking/acting younger.

Life isn't and should never be perceived as static. You won't be young and beautiful forever, so you must plan for the time that you're not. Likewise, you won't have the drive to succeed in the business world once you hit 50+, so again, you need to plan for a future with less earning potential.

The problem is that most people fail to plan and only realize the full extent of their mistake when time catches up to them. Now, it's never too late to take pride in your appearance (e.g., lose weight, work out, etc...), nor is it never too late to start saving your pennies. But you're simply not entitled to a "do over" if you didn't make hay when the sun shined on your life. You must make the best of what you have.

Go ahead, flame me if you want, but I'm doing everything I can to maximize my life, even though retirement is much closer than it used to be.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the whole thread, but I have to say that it's NEVER too late to change how you look. No, you can't turn back the clock and be 21 again. There are no do-overs. However, there are plenty of examples of men and women who in their 50s, 60s, and 70s (or even older) made the absolute most of what they have.

If you have money and can hire a personal trainer, look for one who will teach you how to get a bodybuilder's physique - this goes for women too. No, you won't end up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger if you pick up a dumbbell heavier than 15 pounds. What you will do is build muscle, which is the key to looking and feeling youthful. Join a yoga or Pilates class to work on your flexibility. Drink a ton of water and get plenty of sleep. Watch what you eat and live on protein, healthy fats and fiber.

Life isn't over when you turn 50, 60 or 70. It can be whatever you want it to be. Check out these people:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/manitoba-grandparents-prep-for-provincial-bodybuilding-contest-1.1356926

OP here and again, it has nothing to do with how I look. I am already slim, have always worked out with a trainer and still run, and always wear make-up and have my hair colored. I never said that my life was over - I said I am now invisible.

Here's the problem. You've clearly invested a lot of yourself into your looks. Fortunately I'm an overweight, average looking gal who's grown accustomed to giving over the spotlight to more beautiful women since my 20's. Now that I'm in my 50's it's no big deal to be invisible. Heck -- there's some amount of freedom in it, don'tcha think?

[Anonymous]

Well, you could dye your hair pink and blue and purple: people will notice. Or take up rock climbing, and weight lifting....or simply learn not to give a shit that you aren't turning heads, because really, who wants to be known for what they look like? I'd much rather be known for who I actually am. Then I can dye my hair blue and pink and purple and wear a kohls dress to my son's wedding where I dance with the babies like a fool and every one just laughs, because they know I give zero fucks for what they think I should be.

[Anonymous]

I was an attractive young woman and it was very disconcerting. Everywhere I went I felt conspicuous. People were always staring at me. Men would whistle and honk in public. And of course I never really believed I was pretty, so it made me feel shy and embarassed - why are they looking at me? To find fault? It made me hyper about doing my hair, make up, and worrying about my clothes all the time. Every pimple was magnified 100X in my mind.

Now I am invisible and it's a strange feeling. In some ways I miss being young and sexy (to others), sure. But in other ways it's so liberating! To be able to move through my life feeling like my anonymity is intact. Not feeling always scrutinized, and not up to par. No one cares what I wear, if I have make up on, if I color my hair, if I spent 30 minutes curling it.... I can do what I want and people mostly leave me alone. It's kind of nice.

I never realized until now how much a woman's early years are defined by her looks. It dictates how society interacts with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an attractive young woman and it was very disconcerting. Everywhere I went I felt conspicuous. People were always staring at me. Men would whistle and honk in public. And of course I never really believed I was pretty, so it made me feel shy and embarassed - why are they looking at me? To find fault? It made me hyper about doing my hair, make up, and worrying about my clothes all the time. Every pimple was magnified 100X in my mind.

Now I am invisible and it's a strange feeling. In some ways I miss being young and sexy (to others), sure. But in other ways it's so liberating! To be able to move through my life feeling like my anonymity is intact. Not feeling always scrutinized, and not up to par. No one cares what I wear, if I have make up on, if I color my hair, if I spent 30 minutes curling it.... I can do what I want and people mostly leave me alone. It's kind of nice.

I never realized until now how much a woman's early years are defined by her looks. It dictates how society interacts with you.

You've come to accept your transition. The OP clearly hasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the whole thread, but I have to say that it's NEVER too late to change how you look. No, you can't turn back the clock and be 21 again. There are no do-overs. However, there are plenty of examples of men and women who in their 50s, 60s, and 70s (or even older) made the absolute most of what they have.

If you have money and can hire a personal trainer, look for one who will teach you how to get a bodybuilder's physique - this goes for women too. No, you won't end up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger if you pick up a dumbbell heavier than 15 pounds. What you will do is build muscle, which is the key to looking and feeling youthful. Join a yoga or Pilates class to work on your flexibility. Drink a ton of water and get plenty of sleep. Watch what you eat and live on protein, healthy fats and fiber.

Life isn't over when you turn 50, 60 or 70. It can be whatever you want it to be. Check out these people:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/manitoba-grandparents-prep-for-provincial-bodybuilding-contest-1.1356926

OP here and again, it has nothing to do with how I look. I am already slim, have always worked out with a trainer and still run, and always wear make-up and have my hair colored. I never said that my life was over - I said I am now invisible.

Here's the problem. You've clearly invested a lot of yourself into your looks. Fortunately I'm an overweight, average looking gal who's grown accustomed to giving over the spotlight to more beautiful women since my 20's. Now that I'm in my 50's it's no big deal to be invisible. Heck -- there's some amount of freedom in it, don'tcha think?

Yes, I'm really learning now how it was actually an advantage to be a socially awkward jock/geek. While I'm sympathetic to folks who suddenly feel invisible, I just can't relate on a personal level at all. It feels very liberating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you could dye your hair pink and blue and purple: people will notice. Or take up rock climbing, and weight lifting....or simply learn not to give a shit that you aren't turning heads, because really, who wants to be known for what they look like? I'd much rather be known for who I actually am. Then I can dye my hair blue and pink and purple and wear a kohls dress to my son's wedding where I dance with the babies like a fool and every one just laughs, because they know I give zero fucks for what they think I should be.

I like you, pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'm really learning now how it was actually an advantage to be a socially awkward jock/geek. While I'm sympathetic to folks who suddenly feel invisible, I just can't relate on a personal level at all. It feels very liberating!

I was a geek growing up and never really "woke up" until my late-20s. Since then, I've been on a tear, getting into great shape, dressing well, lucrative career, etc... At 45, I'm not turning the heads of early-20-something women (married with two kids, so it doesn't matter), but I am getting admiring looks from peers and even complete strangers. It's a great feeling - at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an attractive young woman and it was very disconcerting. Everywhere I went I felt conspicuous. People were always staring at me. Men would whistle and honk in public. And of course I never really believed I was pretty, so it made me feel shy and embarassed - why are they looking at me? To find fault? It made me hyper about doing my hair, make up, and worrying about my clothes all the time. Every pimple was magnified 100X in my mind.

Now I am invisible and it's a strange feeling. In some ways I miss being young and sexy (to others), sure. But in other ways it's so liberating! To be able to move through my life feeling like my anonymity is intact. Not feeling always scrutinized, and not up to par. No one cares what I wear, if I have make up on, if I color my hair, if I spent 30 minutes curling it.... I can do what I want and people mostly leave me alone. It's kind of nice.

I never realized until now how much a woman's early years are defined by her looks. It dictates how society interacts with you.

This was me too - I could have written the same thing - it took me years to feel comfortable in my own skin although looking back at photos - I could have easily been a model. Whenever I read those articles about models who say they were freaks in high school I can totally relate. I rather enjoy the anonymity after years of too much attention, although I'm tall as well so I still get stares but mostly from young kids and guys a decade or two older - I'm in my early 50s. A few years back two 19-20 year old guys whispered MILF when I walked by and that was rather surprising - I tried to keep from bursting out laughing at that one. Overall though, I don't mind a bit.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing more attractive than a man or woman over fifty who still looks good.

Anyone can look good at 25. To look good after fifty requires effort and discipline.

[Anonymous]

I have to say I never understand being ignored in a store as an older woman. Who is likely to have extra money to spend, me or a twenty-year old? And who will be MOST responsive to helpful, respectful service? that opens my purse up every time. This reminds me of the stupidity for years of having men sell the home appliances that women used every day (refrigerators, washing machines), etc. Really, women control most of the household budgets, you need to target THEM as consumers.

I read a book recently, it was called Going Gray. I really enjoyed it. It talked about sort of right-sizing your image of yourself and catching up with your age. Also had some interesting albeit totally nonscientific surveys s of people's perceptions of older women's appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing more attractive than a man or woman over fifty who still looks good.

Anyone can look good at 25. To look good after fifty requires effort and discipline.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

I am 60 as well

Who the hell (can I say that) wants to be in their 20's and 30's now with all the PC nonsense and child rearing BS and expense going on.
Some of these kids have no clue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing more attractive than a man or woman over fifty who still looks good.

Anyone can look good at 25. To look good after fifty requires effort and discipline.

+ 1

All due respect but I don't really care. I'd rather put that effort and discipline into my sports and music.