Married but fantasizing about another man - advice?

[Anonymous]

Happily married, but keep fantasizing about another man. I see this other man rarely (3x year) - but the last few times I saw him, I had VERY physical reaction down low and it was thrilling...very different than with other men.
Met husband at 18, together 20+ years and only man I've been with and I love him. I have never cheated. Though was very close with coworker once ... very tempted, but did not. I am faithful and likely not willing to stray....though want too very badly. A friend warned me to raise it with my husband or drop it. Good friend.

I think of him often and he makes me weak. I have to be careful about our interactions, but find myself thinking and ready to check in with him (email) to ask when he is next in our area - but if I saw him... could be trouble.

Not sure what I am asking--Maybe I just want a mind fantasy? How turn it around.

[Anonymous]

I know what this is like, OP, but it sounds like you are asking to play with fire. It sounds fun and slightly dangerous, but think of everything you'd be putting at risk. If you are committed to your husband, you have to decide to remain committed to your husband. Every choice thereafter should be a testament to that decision. Do not check in with him. Do not ever be alone with him. You want to fantasize about sleeping with him? Okay. But if the fantasizing about him makes you bwant to peruse him in real life, cut it out. Remember he has disgusting habits, gets bad breath, and cranky about stupid things just like everyone This will pass.

[Anonymous]

I think this is much more than a mind fantasy OP.

I bet if this guy showed up at your bedside and you were alone, you would most definitely sleep with him. In a heartbeat.

You married young and have spent the majority of your life with only ONE person. When you are young, you are supposed to sow some wild oats prior to settling down. You never got that chance and now you are having some regrets. Plus, forty is not too far away and you do not want to miss out on anything.

I do not blame you.

[Anonymous]

Having fantasies is totally normal.

This doesn't sound like a fantasy, tho. It sounds like you have feelings for him, even if it's just a mad desire to have hot, hot sex with him.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm curious what it is thats so attractive about him. And do you just want sex with him or something more?

[Anonymous]

Agree with pp. you are playing with fire. If you want out then divorce and pursue this man. If not I suggest making ways to fall back in love with you husband.

Signed someone who's been there. More than likely your husband has too.

[Anonymous]

Seeing someone you think is attractive is normal.

Fantasizing about how, when, where with executional details is a slippery slope towards readiness to have an affair. Affairs tend to be crimes of opportunity. Don't go there. You seem like a nice person, so it would be a shame to see you posting months from now " I don't know how it happened," after your marriage imploded.

Good luck, hopefully your reaction is the former so give yourself a break.

[Anonymous]

How is your sex life currently? Try pretending your husband is this guy and living out your fantasy with the guy on your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your sex life currently? Try pretending your husband is this guy and living out your fantasy with the guy on your husband.

LOL! I've actually done this with my DH. He was like "OMG! What got into you"

[Anonymous]

You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

I disagree. I'm happily married and have had the same feelings that the Op described. I also see the guy much more frequently than 3 times a year and know he has feelings for me. This is probably bad advice but it's worked for us - I've acknowledged to the guy that I have feelings for him but would never act on them. It gets the elephant out of the room and you then have told him straight out that you wouldn't cheat with him. It's safe for me but only if you really think you would act on it.

[Anonymous]

My mother used to say - It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in a similar situation and here's what I do-I think to myself, wow if I really did have sex with this guy, then my kids wouldnt have a two-parent home and I wouldn't have my baby (born after I met the dude).

So I don't think it's terrible to have the feelings, just to act on them. I wouldn't tell dh. Just act right is all.

[Anonymous]

Realize that just because you have these feelings does not mean the other man has similar feelings for you. Take this spark and use it for the good of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I had VERY physical reaction

WHO CARES?!!