Married but fantasizing about another man - advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

I disagree. I'm happily married and have had the same feelings that the Op described. I also see the guy much more frequently than 3 times a year and know he has feelings for me. This is probably bad advice but it's worked for us - I've acknowledged to the guy that I have feelings for him but would never act on them. It gets the elephant out of the room and you then have told him straight out that you wouldn't cheat with him. It's safe for me but only if you really think you would act on it.

Agree. Meet the man for lunch and lay it all out on the table. Tell him you are very attracted to him and that he makes you feel a thrill. Let him know that although you fantasize about him, you are not going to let anything happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

I disagree. I'm happily married and have had the same feelings that the Op described. I also see the guy much more frequently than 3 times a year and know he has feelings for me. This is probably bad advice but it's worked for us - I've acknowledged to the guy that I have feelings for him but would never act on them. It gets the elephant out of the room and you then have told him straight out that you wouldn't cheat with him. It's safe for me but only if you really think you would act on it.

Agree. Meet the man for lunch and lay it all out on the table. Tell him you are very attracted to him and that he makes you feel a thrill. Let him know that although you fantasize about him, you are not going to let anything happen.

DO.NOT.DO.THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

Fucktard, you don't know what you're talking about, so please stay off these forums. There are a lot of ebbs and flows in marriages, even good ones, and it's not uncommon for a spouse to exoerience what OP is feeling. That said, hopefully her love for DH will prevent her from acting on this interest and instead prompt her to channel that energy into making her marriage as passionate as it can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

Fucktard, you don't know what you're talking about, so please stay off these forums. There are a lot of ebbs and flows in marriages, even good ones, and it's not uncommon for a spouse to exoerience what OP is feeling. That said, hopefully her love for DH will prevent her from acting on this interest and instead prompt her to channel that energy into making her marriage as passionate as it can be.

Op, give it time. It will wane. I just got through this. You are crushing on this guy but he is a fantasy made up in your head. Its not the real guy. You just have to get through it. Even if there are mutual feelings.

In time, remember to rediscover your husband. Your interest has waned in him also due to a fantasy in your head that he is a known quantity. Rediscover the mystery. Learn something new about him. See what it does.

None of this would havebhelped me til this just ran its course. Which they do.

Good luck and batten down the hatches. Watch your alcohol intake and overall boundaries around this guy.

[Anonymous]

Do it. You Only Live Once. How insanely satisfying will it be, I mean really.

[Anonymous]

Op following through with the fantasy will forever change your family. You will cause insufferable pain to your DH and your children for the rest of their lives. Go to survivinginfidelity.com to witness first hand the absolute devastation cheaters cause their families. So please wake up!

[Anonymous]

Start slowly. First - do his laundry, particularly his dirty underwear. Maybe share a room with him after he's gotten a belly full of chili. See where it goes from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start slowly. First - do his laundry, particularly his dirty underwear. Maybe share a room with him after he's gotten a belly full of chili. See where it goes from there.

LOL gotta watch out for a belly full if chili!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

Fucktard, you don't know what you're talking about, so please stay off these forums. There are a lot of ebbs and flows in marriages, even good ones, and it's not uncommon for a spouse to exoerience what OP is feeling. That said, hopefully her love for DH will prevent her from acting on this interest and instead prompt her to channel that energy into making her marriage as passionate as it can be.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT happily married because if you were you wouldn't even entertain the thought of having sex with another man. Save your thrill down there for your husband slutty.

I disagree. I'm happily married and have had the same feelings that the Op described. I also see the guy much more frequently than 3 times a year and know he has feelings for me. This is probably bad advice but it's worked for us - I've acknowledged to the guy that I have feelings for him but would never act on them. It gets the elephant out of the room and you then have told him straight out that you wouldn't cheat with him. It's safe for me but only if you really think you would act on it.

Agree. Meet the man for lunch and lay it all out on the table. Tell him you are very attracted to him and that he makes you feel a thrill. Let him know that although you fantasize about him, you are not going to let anything happen.

DO.NOT.DO.THIS.

+1

This is a recipe for an affair.

Op: "I like you"
Guy: "Wow, I like you too"
[enter sexual tension, long lusty gazes, alcohol and then physical contact]

Getting the elephant out of the room would mean telling your husband. But, I don't think you should do that. I think this is just a harmless crush. It's normal to still find other men attractive, especially after you've been married a long time. The fact that you rarely see this guy makes him a safe person to crush on. Just enjoy the excitement and let your husband benefit from it.

[Anonymous]

OP Here

I am in a much better place as a result of the great perspective and good advice provided here. Thank you.

Thanks for keeping me honest and preventing me from hoodwinking myself into a "how on earth did I get here?" situation. I was building and rationalizing a plan of action that would have been a recipe for disaster. It helped to read 10+ messages that made that point and countered my various excuses.

The feelings with this other man are so intense that I was willing to go with it. (That this happens so rarely, is probably testament to my and DH's focus on our relationship and our general and sexual compatibility. For which I should be and am thankful.)

I am more conscious of the distinction between fantasy and fixation in this case. I must be realistic to not seek out time to see him. When I do see him, I need to recall the advice to "batten down the hatches and avoid alcohol." I was building scenarios that would lead to no good, which while awesome fodder for fantasy would damage the relationships I have worked to build and value. How telling that I first posted this on the explicit forum!

Frankly, I would still like to be with this guy - and leaving that open is exciting. But, I am more clearly aiming for fantasy - the fun and enjoyment, and working to redirect that awesome energy towards my husband.

Wish me luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP Here

I am in a much better place as a result of the great perspective and good advice provided here. Thank you.

Thanks for keeping me honest and preventing me from hoodwinking myself into a "how on earth did I get here?" situation. I was building and rationalizing a plan of action that would have been a recipe for disaster. It helped to read 10+ messages that made that point and countered my various excuses.

The feelings with this other man are so intense that I was willing to go with it. (That this happens so rarely, is probably testament to my and DH's focus on our relationship and our general and sexual compatibility. For which I should be and am thankful.)

I am more conscious of the distinction between fantasy and fixation in this case. I must be realistic to not seek out time to see him. When I do see him, I need to recall the advice to "batten down the hatches and avoid alcohol." I was building scenarios that would lead to no good, which while awesome fodder for fantasy would damage the relationships I have worked to build and value. How telling that I first posted this on the explicit forum!

Frankly, I would still like to be with this guy - and leaving that open is exciting. But, I am more clearly aiming for fantasy - the fun and enjoyment, and working to redirect that awesome energy towards my husband.

Wish me luck.

What is it about this guy that you find so attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you are young, you are supposed to sow some wild oats prior to settling down.

What a load of bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you are young, you are supposed to sow some wild oats prior to settling down.

What a load of bullshit.

Why? And why would you think you can dump your unsubstantiated opinion here and anybody would give a shit?

[Anonymous]

I totally get it and have felt that way before.
Clearly OP thinks it'd be fun and exciting.
Also sounds like is probably not worth it.
Though sounds like there is still an inkling.