Staying at a relative's kosher house when you are not kosher (with small kids)

[Anonymous]

DH wants to visit his grandparents in upstate NY this summer. They live in an assisted living near one of DH's Aunts. She offered to let us stay with her - her family keeps a kosher house. I am very nervous about this. I am not Jewish and DH is but was not raised in a kosher house and he knows nothing about it. My 4 yo literally has milk/cheese/yogurt/etc. with every meal. Our trip will be 3 nights/4 days. I'd rather just get a hotel but DH is stubbornly insisting we stay with his Aunt.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

You can eat those things, OP. You just have to use particular dishes and utensils. Just ask her to instruct you on how it all works.

[Anonymous]

But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?

The aunt KNOWS you do not keep kosher, so I'm sure she'll manage this fine. Would your child eat pot roast in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?

The aunt KNOWS you do not keep kosher, so I'm sure she'll manage this fine. Would your child eat pot roast in the first place?

No, she wouldn't eat pot roast. I just don't know if a glass of milk is even allowed at the table when pot roast is being served. I am totally clueless. I just know that dairy and meat together is a no-no.

[Anonymous]

Some of the details will depend on how strictly your aunt keeps kosher, and what she expects of guests who do not. You may need to ask, or just figure it out when you get there. You can always go out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can eat those things, OP. You just have to use particular dishes and utensils. Just ask her to instruct you on how it all works.

To be safe, you may want to purchase some disposable cups, plates and plasticware while you're there. You don't want to cause any problems for your hosts using their dishes for the wrong foods when you might make a mistake through inexperience.

[Anonymous]

Your aunt can do dairy and pareve dishes the entire time you are there.
Former vegetarian formerly married to a Jew.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her what she'd prefer. "Bobby usually drinks milk at meals and often has yogurt, should we plan on any adjustments when you are serving meat meals?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?

It will be good for them not to drink milk once in a while. Are you never going to travel and experience different cultures?

[Anonymous]

You or your husband really have to ask the aunt. Not every kosher-keeping person would tell you the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Just ask your host, and perhaps you can come to a mutually agreeable situation.

[Anonymous]

The key to staying in a kosher house when you're not kosher is to stay out of the kitchen. Ask for all the food you need/want so you don't screw up the dishes or the sinks. This is what my kosher friend taught me in high school. "Just let me do it."

Your kid does not need to drink milk with dinner. I'm Jewish, although not Kosher, and literally have NEVER in my entire life drank milk with dinner and I'm totally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Ask the host. Chances are, no milk on the table at all at a meat meal.

But this is indeed a good opportunity to explain different traditions to your son. A 4 year old should be used to by now the fact that different homes have different rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The key to staying in a kosher house when you're not kosher is to stay out of the kitchen. Ask for all the food you need/want so you don't screw up the dishes or the sinks. This is what my kosher friend taught me in high school. "Just let me do it."

Your kid does not need to drink milk with dinner. I'm Jewish, although not Kosher, and literally have NEVER in my entire life drank milk with dinner and I'm totally healthy.

What an awful attitude. I'm a different PP, but I think this attitude is wrong. Yes, the child does not HAVE to eat/drink dairy, but the child is acclimated to it. They are going to be in a new setting and new environment and often preschoolers don't adjust well without having some structure or familiarity. The child will want to have foods that they are accustomed to and if she is used to having dairy at all meals, cutting her off will be difficult. If that were the caveat, I would agree with OP that it would be better to stay in a hotel than in such an unwelcoming environment. I have no issue placing restrictions on the parents--they're adults and have to learn to be accommodating and polite. But this is a pre-schooler. In fact, a pre-schooler that some Jews would say would not have to keep Kosher (above the age of around 5 until the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, some say you should be teaching Kashrut, and slowly adapting, but not require children to adhere).

The key is to talk to the home-owner and ask them what their policies are, tell them about the requirement that the child have dairy and then work with them to come to a happy accommodation whether it be that the home-owner adapts the cooking or the family eats out while visiting. Everything can work as long as they are all willing to cooperate.