Staying at a relative's kosher house when you are not kosher (with small kids)

[Anonymous]

I am not Jewish and have often stayed at my Jewish husband's family friends' kosher home w 2 toddlers. It has been fine. She bought our kids plastic cartoon character plates which they loved and they ate off those. It is actually much less stressful to me to stay there bc I know I can just stay out of the kitchen and not worry about whether I should be helping cook or do the dishes. Of course i don't know your husbands aunt, maybe you have other reasons for worrying she will not be a good host to a toddler. but if not then I think it will be fine.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?

The aunt KNOWS you do not keep kosher, so I'm sure she'll manage this fine. Would your child eat pot roast in the first place?

No, she wouldn't eat pot roast. I just don't know if a glass of milk is even allowed at the table when pot roast is being served. I am totally clueless. I just know that dairy and meat together is a no-no.

No, at my grandmother's it would not. 3-4 hour separation between the meat and the dairy. My kosher grandparents would not let us (non kosher people) touch any utensils, pots, food, etc. because we would contaminate it for them. But it depends on the person.

I'm so glad my religion doesn't teach that a relative can contaminate something just by touching it. What an awful thing to teach and to believe in. This seems so devoid of love, so unnecessarily strict, so legalistic.

What religion are you, PP? If you affiliate with one of the "major" religions, I can 100% guarantee you it includes its share of awful, loveless teachings. Maybe you aren't that devout, but then again neither are most Jews.

I am a Neo-Pagan, formerly Catholic. I never heard anything that harsh even as a Catholic.

You never heard of the inquisition?

In any case, there is nothing in kashrut about "non-kosher people." Anyone who has ever been to a kosher restaurant has seen non-Jews working there. PP is exaggerating, mis-remembering or her grandparents were nuts.

I'm that poster. It's possible in this respect they were nuts. We were allowed to eat off the dishes in the dining room, but we weren't allowed to touch anything in the kitchen or bring any food into the house unless it was a sealed package with the right certification on it. They had their kitchen set up with separate dairy and meat preparation areas and a third kitchen for Passover. I'm not saying everyone who keeps kosher is like this, but it would have been stressful to stay there with a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm that poster. It's possible in this respect they were nuts. We were allowed to eat off the dishes in the dining room, but we weren't allowed to touch anything in the kitchen or bring any food into the house unless it was a sealed package with the right certification on it. They had their kitchen set up with separate dairy and meat preparation areas and a third kitchen for Passover. I'm not saying everyone who keeps kosher is like this, but it would have been stressful to stay there with a toddler.

That's not unusual. What sounded odd is that you stated

Anonymous wrote:
My kosher grandparents would not let us (non kosher people) touch any utensils, pots, food, etc. because we would contaminate it for them.

Most people that keep kosher don't think that if non kashrut people touch the utensils, pots, food that it would be contaminated. There are things that you could do that would contaminate them, but most people just ask you to stay out of the kitchen and take care of food preparation, serving, and cleaning up so that contamination is not an issue. Your mere touching of their items would not render them non kosher.

[Anonymous]

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But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?


The aunt KNOWS you do not keep kosher, so I'm sure she'll manage this fine. Would your child eat pot roast in the first place?


No, she wouldn't eat pot roast. I just don't know if a glass of milk is even allowed at the table when pot roast is being served. I am totally clueless. I just know that dairy and meat together is a no-no.


No, at my grandmother's it would not. 3-4 hour separation between the meat and the dairy. My kosher grandparents would not let us (non kosher people) touch any utensils, pots, food, etc. because we would contaminate it for them. But it depends on the person.


I'm so glad my religion doesn't teach that a relative can contaminate something just by touching it. What an awful thing to teach and to believe in. This seems so devoid of love, so unnecessarily strict, so legalistic.


What religion are you, PP? If you affiliate with one of the "major" religions, I can 100% guarantee you it includes its share of awful, loveless teachings. Maybe you aren't that devout, but then again neither are most Jews.


I am a Neo-Pagan, formerly Catholic. I never heard anything that harsh even as a Catholic.

It's probably best if you refrain from harshly judging things you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?

The aunt KNOWS you do not keep kosher, so I'm sure she'll manage this fine. Would your child eat pot roast in the first place?

No, she wouldn't eat pot roast. I just don't know if a glass of milk is even allowed at the table when pot roast is being served. I am totally clueless. I just know that dairy and meat together is a no-no.

No, at my grandmother's it would not. 3-4 hour separation between the meat and the dairy. My kosher grandparents would not let us (non kosher people) touch any utensils, pots, food, etc. because we would contaminate it for them. But it depends on the person.

I'm so glad my religion doesn't teach that a relative can contaminate something just by touching it. What an awful thing to teach and to believe in. This seems so devoid of love, so unnecessarily strict, so legalistic.

What religion are you, PP? If you affiliate with one of the "major" religions, I can 100% guarantee you it includes its share of awful, loveless teachings. Maybe you aren't that devout, but then again neither are most Jews.

I am a Neo-Pagan, formerly Catholic. I never heard anything that harsh even as a Catholic.

You never heard of the inquisition?

In any case, there is nothing in kashrut about "non-kosher people." Anyone who has ever been to a kosher restaurant has seen non-Jews working there. PP is exaggerating, mis-remembering or her grandparents were nuts.

PP here. Of course I heard of the inquisition, I'm not an ignoramus.

However, for some reason, the idea of looking a relative, someone I love, in the face, and tell them "Don't touch my kitchen things, I don't want you to contaminate them" strikes me as a horrible thing to say. Like slapping them in the face. Who the heck tells a loved one something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
But can my 4 yo drink milk with dinner if the Aunt is serving pot roast, for example?


The aunt KNOWS you do not keep kosher, so I'm sure she'll manage this fine. Would your child eat pot roast in the first place?


No, she wouldn't eat pot roast. I just don't know if a glass of milk is even allowed at the table when pot roast is being served. I am totally clueless. I just know that dairy and meat together is a no-no.


No, at my grandmother's it would not. 3-4 hour separation between the meat and the dairy. My kosher grandparents would not let us (non kosher people) touch any utensils, pots, food, etc. because we would contaminate it for them. But it depends on the person.


I'm so glad my religion doesn't teach that a relative can contaminate something just by touching it. What an awful thing to teach and to believe in. This seems so devoid of love, so unnecessarily strict, so legalistic.


What religion are you, PP? If you affiliate with one of the "major" religions, I can 100% guarantee you it includes its share of awful, loveless teachings. Maybe you aren't that devout, but then again neither are most Jews.


I am a Neo-Pagan, formerly Catholic. I never heard anything that harsh even as a Catholic.

It's probably best if you refrain from harshly judging things you know nothing about.

PP you're attacking, here. If you think it's in the realm of normal to say something like that to a person, to someone you care for, then I'm glad I don't know you or the circles you move in. And I stand by what I said. Telling someone something so dreadful is not a good thing. No matter who says that.

[Anonymous]

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PP you're attacking, here. If you think it's in the realm of normal to say something like that to a person, to someone you care for, then I'm glad I don't know you or the circles you move in. And I stand by what I said. Telling someone something so dreadful is not a good thing. No matter who says that.

I think it is far more dreadful to say "I will prevent you from having a relationship with my child, because you eat differently." Bryan it is to say "Please let me be the one to prepare the food and wash the dishes."

[Anonymous]

You hardly know this aunt and are already dreading the visit.
I vote for staying in a hotel. You can still spend the day at her house.

[Anonymous]

You sound uptight. Exhale. I feel bad for your husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's clear you don't want to go to the relative's house and are using kosher/food as an excuse. Woman up and say you don't want to go for your real x-reasons, but don't blame it on your child not being able to eat. That's absurd.

[Anonymous]

We keep strict kosher and have little kids and they eat tons of yogurt, cheese and milk. They just can't have it with meat or on our neat dishes. It's really not a big deal. If she's serving pot roast and he wants milk, he can have it after or at a different table, as you said he's not going to eat the meat anyway.

It's not really a different culture, just dietary rules.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well DH talked to her and we're going. She said no milk at dinner and the rest we can "figure out" whatever that means. Can't say I feel much better but it is what it is.

They are nice people, I just really don't like staying at other people's homes except my own parents because I can be totally honest with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We keep strict kosher and have little kids and they eat tons of yogurt, cheese and milk. They just can't have it with meat or on our neat dishes. It's really not a big deal. If she's serving pot roast and he wants milk, he can have it after or at a different table, as you said he's not going to eat the meat anyway.

It's not really a different culture, just dietary rules.

We also gave non Jewish or non kosher keeping friends in our house AL the time and nothing about the religion says thry will "contaminate" anything. They have to be careful to keep the dairy and meat utensils separate, but that's snout it. Crazy people do not equal crazy religion.

[Anonymous]

I do not get the impression that a 4 year old is the reason op is apprehensive. People with older children forget what living with a 4 year old is like. Most of the time it is easier to host instead of go as guests into someones home whereinevitably you will take over all living space.

Kids do not do well with the nomadic lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well DH talked to her and we're going. She said no milk at dinner and the rest we can "figure out" whatever that means. Can't say I feel much better but it is what it is.

They are nice people, I just really don't like staying at other people's homes except my own parents because I can be totally honest with them.

So the bottom line is that you don't like staying at anyone's home except that of your own parents. Does your DH understand this?