Carolyn Hax column: MIL doesn't understand why DIL is upset
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I have been in a similar situation. DIL said she didn't want MIL to come visit her and newborn DS, MIL came anyway as a "surprise." My MIL was just as confused about why everyone was less than thrilled by her arrival. I can laugh about it now years later.
http://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2015/05/04/mother-law-meant-selfish/26706999/ |
Anonymous
| A "surprise" is passive aggressive behavior. |
Anonymous
|
Under these circumstances when they all realized that MIL was an uninvited "surprise!" guest it would have been better for the guys to just take MIL to a hotel room and let her hang there for a weekend. Instead DIL got to play martyr and suck it up and play host while the guys went off on their adventure feeling guilty...
Why did MIL get her way in this? |
Anonymous
| Funny...when I read the column this morning I thought "what would DCUM tell the DIL if she posted about this?" |
Anonymous
| Geez, sometimes I'd rather be alone than have my MIL stay for a visit....but bursting out in tears over her coming? That's pretty harsh... |
Anonymous
Lol. |
Anonymous
I figured DIL was just exhausted or in desperate need of a break. When I'm really tired, I cry easily, too. |
Anonymous
| The problem is more the DIL. She shouldn't have given what were probably fake excuses because the MIL felt they weren't an issue & she could deal with me. Like, "oh no, the spare bedroom is being painted so you'd have to sleep on the couch." MIL thinks, I'm okay with that. "Oh, the baby isn't sleeping through the night, he'd wake you up." Mil thinks, I can't hear anything when I take my hearing aid out so won't bother me. DIL should have said, "No, I am looking forward to having the day to myself & binge watching Netflix." |
Anonymous
There was no mention of the baby's age but I got the feeling DIL was still in newborn, hormonal, sleep deprived land. She probably wanted to vegetate with her baby, and sleep in spit-up covered clothes for two days! I wanted that when DC was tiny. |
Anonymous
Yes, the DIL could have been more direct but a some point how tone deaf is MIL that she can't see a series of roadblocks being thrown out? Event eh way she considered the weekend would be about "the girls" shows she was creating an idea in her head without checking into what was really happening. |
Anonymous
No. The DIL tossed out societally-appropriate cues that the visit was not wanted. What you suggest would hurt a lot of feelings unnecessarily. If MIL is from this society she should have realized that she was not welcome from what was said (akin to girl responding to date offer with having to wash her hair - everyone part of this culture knows what that means and it's not the girls fault for not saying she'd rather eat needles than go on the date). |
Anonymous
I agree -- we all want time by ourselves... My DH travels a lot for work, sometimes I may ask my mom to come visit for a few days during his absence(and she comes if she can). Sometimes I want to enjoy being alone with my DC. |
Anonymous
lol, me too! Totally! (and also binge watch Law & Order) |
Anonymous
And sit around with her top off since the baby was nursing all the time anyway. Not something I'd want to do with my mil around! |
Anonymous
Yep. Not having to cook for dh or keep the house picked up or even make the bed and having total control over the t.v. remote would have been something I could have seen myself looking forward to. You miss your husband but it is a break to laze out on some of your typical duties... |