Carolyn Hax column: MIL doesn't understand why DIL is upset
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Anonymous
| I have a hard time believing that the MIL was so clueless. Clueless to the point of needing to write to Carolyn Hax to ask "what did I do wrong?" Really? It is so hard to imagine adults who are so lacking in self-awareness. |
Anonymous
| Geez if I were the MIL I would have found some way to just go back home. She should apologize to her DIL, but her DIL seems to have over reacted as well. I can imagine the two will have an awkward relationship going forward. |
Anonymous
| I remember when this was first posted in the chat- I think there was even some follow up where the MIL was just still clueless. Anyone else remember this or am I making it up? |
Anonymous
| The MIL decided to "surprise" her DIL, requiring an 8 HOUR DRIVE?! That lady is crazytown. Poor DIL. |
Anonymous
LOL! New here, huh? |
Anonymous
+1 I feel sorry for the DIL and can only imagine the kind of stories she has. |
Anonymous
+1000 and this is why I totally get why the DIL burst into tears. I actually love my ILs and in particular enjoy hanging out with my MIL, but I would definitely have seen a weekend like this as an opportunity for total down time. I would be looking forward to all of the things the PPs described above (literally all of them--all my love to my fellow L&O fan!) It wouldn't be about avoiding MIL, it would be about avoiding everything. So to have this unexpected house guest show up? I'm glad Carolyn read this woman the riot act. |
Anonymous
+1 They will! My MIL has imposed her views on DH and I from day one - she's the freaking marriage Nazi. "She" knows the etiquette (because she is military - no? We are not, so military etiquette does not apply in DH and my house!), "she" knows what is best, "she" knows the answer......BULLSHIT. MIL knows nothing and has gone against the grain every chance she has. It is nothing more than a p*ssing contest with me. I am over it, and have been for many years, so is DH. I think a MIL like this (and like mine) discredits herself by trying to impose arbitrary BS on the new couple, the new parents, whomever. All this MIL is trying to do is say that her (MIL) opinion matters more, like she is some sort of matriarch, which is laughable. I have lived with it, and I just ignore it by now, because MIL brought it upon herself to be ignored. How can anyone respect anyone like that one iota? Yuck. DH and I just do what we want now, and we've never asked MIL for anything anyway, so it really is a non issue. A great example of how I do NOT want to be as a MIL, however! 
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Anonymous
Me too. MIL has no boundaries, and does not know when to stop. If you don't have that in your life, be grateful, seriously. MIL's should be respectful, if they want to be respected. All my MIL thinks about is cowering and kowtowing to men, it is really gross to watch. She tries to treat me like she was treated, and she thinks I don't know any better. I used to feel bad for her, now it's just comical, in a "what did MIL do now" sort of way. |
Anonymous
| That column is made up. We have more impressive trolls here on DCUM. |
Anonymous
MIL is looking for the "poor me", feigning obliviousness endorsement. Thankfully, DILs are smarter than MILs these days! |
Anonymous
Oh you are bringing back the memories!! |
Anonymous
I have to add, my friend goes through this type of thing with her MIL (we are peripheral friends) all the time. THEN.........MILs friends met the DIL. The DIL is kind, pretty, slim, friendly, social, accomplished.....you get the picture. Let's just say that my friend did not have to say anything, before MILs friends put the entire picture together. After years of the cold shoulder, leaving my friend out of plans, and ill treatment in general, I had to spell out for my friend that her MIL is actually jealous of her, and she should stay away from her MIL. My friend was shocked and saddened (she has a huge heart), but it really came together and made sense to her, that that is what has been happening all along....MIL leaves her out, etc. My friend is relieved to know what the story is about, because my friend knew she had done nothing wrong. Clearly my friends husband picked someone to marry that was *complete opposite* of MIL, for damn goos reasons (plural)! |
Anonymous
Did you notice that the FIL told MIL he thought they had it all worked out? This woman is manipulative. Her own husband knew that DIL didn't want MIL to be there--to what degree, we don't know, but we can surmise that he at least knew this much--yet she tricked him into believing that DIL changed her mind and MIL was welcome. We don't know how long he had this assumption, but it went on for at least one whole day, and one entire eight hour drive. If they are traditional people, then MIL duped FIL because she knew that if FIL knew the truth he would keep MIL from going, and she wanted her way. I hope the DIL and her DH put up very strict boundaries about MIL in the future. Too bad it will probably effect his relationship with his dad, but that's the price they all pay for this crazy, manipulative woman. |
Anonymous
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As a MIL multiple times, I can say this as fact, no matter what, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't so it's best to don't because the snotty rude bitches called DIL will hold a grudge.
It's best not to form ties with those she devils. Be polite and when they do ask for help just say no. I give my daughter and her kids all the attention now and mail the other kids a gift. I seriously bend over backwards for my daughter and have a very tight relationship with her kids. I make it happen. I tell my son in law I love him like he's my own. I treat him like a King, ALL for my daughter. I make their lives easy. As easy as possible. I'll go so far as to say I love them more than the other ones. It didn't have to be this way but it is. When the DIL's kids get older and seek me out, I will tell them why their mother was on medication and how rude she treated Grandma. I will also explain to each one in a letter why we didn't leave them anything when we passed and how their mother helped in that decision. My sons will see my daughter and her kids get the spoils we worked for. The boys can thank their wives for that. DILs ? You think you keep your husbands away but you are wrong. They call when you aren't around. And boy do your husbands bad mouth you. Mom will always be HIS best friend. HA HA. Actions have consequences. So go ahead and laugh, go ahead and be nasty, go ahead and play alpha bitch. We MILs will have OUR day ! |