Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have a negative reaction to stay at homes for the same reason they have a negative reaction to welfare queens: both groups represent indolence and stupidity.

Wow. That's really f'ed up, dude. I have been a working parent in a variety of high pressure jobs for over 10 years before deciding to stay at home with my 3 kids for a few years,and it's BY FAR the hardest job I've ever had. It makes working seem like a vacation. You people are so stupid in your judgements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have a negative reaction to stay at homes for the same reason they have a negative reaction to welfare queens: both groups represent indolence and stupidity.

Wow. That's really f'ed up, dude. I have been a working parent in a variety of high pressure jobs for over 10 years before deciding to stay at home with my 3 kids for a few years,and it's BY FAR the hardest job I've ever had. It makes working seem like a vacation. You people are so stupid in your judgements.

Don't feed the trolls....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

Hallelujah! I was in the same exact position. I have two master's degrees and 10 years of work experience. Got laid off when 6 months pregnant & couldn't find another job. Then tried again when baby was 3 months old, took a lower paying job (after only 6 months of unemployment), then baby had temporary health problems and I had to quit. Started looking seriously again when baby was 2, she's now almost 3 and I still don't have a job. It's super difficult to get a job when you are in the market for an experienced position and have been out of the workforce for a few years. People are not forgiving. Mainly becasue there is so much competition so of course they'd rather hire someone who hasn't had that kind of hiatus.

OT, but is your profession something that you can do as a consultant? I did that after a layoff last year when I was also trying to get pregnant (like, laid off 1 week before my embryo transfer). I ended up taking a FT (WAH) position with a company I met through consulting, though I kind of wish I had stuck with consulting. It's a way to avoid a resume gap, or show recent experience if you've had a gap, without having to worry about getting hired for a FT position.

[Anonymous]

For sure, being SAH is hard work. No argument here. Getting back into the workforce is a lot harder than most think once they step out for years with advanced degrees.

You'll start at the end of the pack and have to work your way up with kids half your age. Reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM to teens and tweens. I have a few advanced degrees and never thought i'd be in this situation. I always thought "what the hell do these women DO all day long?". I've intended to go back for years. But the truth of the matter is that I don't know where to begin. I've been out of the workforce for 15+ years. It's a completely different world out there. I didn't keep in touch with old colleagues. Also, my children are very active in sports - they all play at least one, up to three travel/select sports, plus high school sports each season. I start driving children around at 4:15pm and conclude around 10pm, every single day. I'm sometimes in my car up to 6 hours a night. I can't imagine doing that after a full day of work. Not to mention all of the things that people who work during the week do on the weekends, I can't do. Dry cleaning, grocery store, hardware store, Target, whatever.... I'm usually at a gym/field/court/etc. And that is sometimes 6am-8pm. Could my kids cut back on activities, sure. But if I'm home, they don't need to.

I think may be some resentment , financially, but I also thing that my husband knows the reality is that our household would be a disaster if I worked. AND he'd have to do a LOT more. I get up at 6am every day to make lunches, walk the dogs, etc. If I was working the same hours he was, we'd be sharing that responsibility. I take the kids to school every day - again, he'd have to pitch in on that. Grocery shopping - yep. Carpool - again, yes. I think he does understand that and appreciates it.

I think it sucks on many levels but it is where we are at right now, and I don't really know how to change it.

I hear you and really do understand. Not quite the same boat as I never exactly " quit" my career. I worked part-time off and on in my field wherever I could find work ( year here, 9 mos there sometimes only 2 day a week, and sometimes not working for 2years after each kid .) However, when time was righ. I got a great oppty with great pay. What that does allow me to do is pay someone to pick - up DC to get to activities. I don't have to rush out of work. I leave when I need to and then do the end of practice pick -ups. It can be hectic and rushed at times ( DH does help too) but I just wanted to note that kids can stay in activities. I could not imagine how but then the idea of hiring someone ( a retired neighbor who also dog sits, dog walks, and college - age daughter babysits when home!)

Pardon typos, etc as on iPad.

[Anonymous]

Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

I don't think she meant rely on hiring managers you've never met - but rather use your network of working women friends. You are right in that it is competitive and I've rather hire someone with recent experience but there is no question I would seriously consider a friend from grad school or former colleague who took time off. Or help connect them with other colleagues. That is why networking often trumps sending out resumes, especially the older you get.

[Anonymous]

19:12 back. I can think of more than 20+ accomplished women who chose to SAH for a few years that I'd either hire or help network if they reached out to me today.

Reach out to the ladies first. Women understand choices and respect differences. Work your lipstick network. I've happily helped make introductions to a number of previous SAHMs. Male colleagues will help too, but women do like to help women in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19:12 back. I can think of more than 20+ accomplished women who chose to SAH for a few years that I'd either hire or help network if they reached out to me today.

Reach out to the ladies first. Women understand choices and respect differences. Work your lipstick network. I've happily helped make introductions to a number of previous SAHMs. Male colleagues will help too, but women do like to help women in my experience.

You sound great pp. unfortunately not all wohm are as open minded, I returned after a long break and found men and women without kids didn't seem to care at all about the gap.

I am the pp who said most sah moms do eventually return to work. It happens pretty routinely, and yes, I have an advanced degree (law).

To those still looking, the networking suggestion is a very good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have a negative reaction to stay at homes for the same reason they have a negative reaction to welfare queens: indolence and stupidity.

Even a stranger can see you are not a happy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

I've never had another woman help me in my career. Lots of men have helped me. I took a year off after my first....I currently kill it at work, but certainly not due to a helping hand from other women. The above advice probably is relevant of you are unattractive or otherwise somehow non-threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

I've never had another woman help me in my career. Lots of men have helped me. I took a year off after my first....I currently kill it at work, but certainly not due to a helping hand from other women. The above advice probably is relevant of you are unattractive or otherwise somehow non-threatening.

This. I was just chatting with my husband about this today, actually. If there's some sort of sisterhood out there, I unfortunately don't know much about it.

Men, on the other hand, have helped me enormously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

Really? Every time we post a position, 70% of the applicants are not currently working or have gaps in employment. I barely give it a second thought-- I never hold it against someone. The economy has gone through such a hard time in the past 10 years. And I would always interview a woman who'd stayed home with kids for a while.