Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Kids say what they feel and I care (deeply) how my kids feel. That's why I believe a parent should be home with them and they deserve two loving involved parents. You can't just pretend that all family situations turn out beautifully.

These parents who never see their kids (I'm talking about the double nanny type families) - we can agree to disagree that that is any way to raise children.

I agree that having one parent who never sees his kids but thinks his kids will be ok because the other parent SAH is no way to raise children.

I agree and I think this is a common trap of the SAHM lifestyle.

And hardly seeing your kids is a trap of a dual working family.

How do you define "hardly seeing"? I don't think seeing your kids 3 or 4 hours a week day is a small amount of time. Also not true once the kids are in school full time for some families. My kids were with a parent before and after school, and also on snow days and school holidays, because we could both WAH or work at night.

I think the debate here has mostly focused on kids before school age. 3 hours a day out of 11 or 12 is not that much when it is both parents.

I don't mean to be blunt, but it wasn't giving up one of our careers to see our kids more hours a day for the first five years of their lives. It just doesn't matter in the long run, unlike the financial stability dual WOHP has given us.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Kids say what they feel and I care (deeply) how my kids feel. That's why I believe a parent should be home with them and they deserve two loving involved parents. You can't just pretend that all family situations turn out beautifully.

These parents who never see their kids (I'm talking about the double nanny type families) - we can agree to disagree that that is any way to raise children.

I agree that having one parent who never sees his kids but thinks his kids will be ok because the other parent SAH is no way to raise children.

I agree and I think this is a common trap of the SAHM lifestyle.

And hardly seeing your kids is a trap of a dual working family.

With 2 working you can have less demanding jobs (except for the power couples) so they both can be home early, take off for field trips, take the kids to doctor. That is what I see, 2 very flexible jobs and lots of time for both parents to see the kids.

Yes, I read so many stories of unhurried, relaxed and flexible work positions for moms and dads (BECAUSE their spouse works) on here. And of course they all split household duties, homemade meals and restful weekends with their equal powered spouse!

Except- we don't read that.

So the mom should give up paid work to make everyone else in the family's lives more relaxed? The heck with that. I don't exist just to fulfill others' lives.

You don't butter your kids bread, bring them drinks on demand, do their laundry (just like their dads), clean up the dishes after them, run endless errands so they have the perfect colored pipecleaners for their school project, clean their rooms, etc..... Bad MOM!

I love the posters' slobbering devotion to the patience and brilliance of daycare workers, and yet the complete lack of respect for the work of the SAHM. If you think that that's all a SAHM does, no wonder you don't see the benefit over daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids say what they feel and I care (deeply) how my kids feel. That's why I believe a parent should be home with them and they deserve two loving involved parents. You can't just pretend that all family situations turn out beautifully.

These parents who never see their kids (I'm talking about the double nanny type families) - we can agree to disagree that that is any way to raise children.

I agree that having one parent who never sees his kids but thinks his kids will be ok because the other parent SAH is no way to raise children.

I agree and I think this is a common trap of the SAHM lifestyle.

And hardly seeing your kids is a trap of a dual working family.

With 2 working you can have less demanding jobs (except for the power couples) so they both can be home early, take off for field trips, take the kids to doctor. That is what I see, 2 very flexible jobs and lots of time for both parents to see the kids.

Yes, I read so many stories of unhurried, relaxed and flexible work positions for moms and dads (BECAUSE their spouse works) on here. And of course they all split household duties, homemade meals and restful weekends with their equal powered spouse!

Except- we don't read that.

So the mom should give up paid work to make everyone else in the family's lives more relaxed? The heck with that. I don't exist just to fulfill others' lives.

You don't butter your kids bread, bring them drinks on demand, do their laundry (just like their dads), clean up the dishes after them, run endless errands so they have the perfect colored pipecleaners for their school project, clean their rooms, etc..... Bad MOM!

I love the posters' slobbering devotion to the patience and brilliance of daycare workers, and yet the complete lack of respect for the work of the SAHM. If you think that that's all a SAHM does, no wonder you don't see the benefit over daycare.

I'm not that poster but WOW, did you miss the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids say what they feel and I care (deeply) how my kids feel. That's why I believe a parent should be home with them and they deserve two loving involved parents. You can't just pretend that all family situations turn out beautifully.

These parents who never see their kids (I'm talking about the double nanny type families) - we can agree to disagree that that is any way to raise children.

I agree that having one parent who never sees his kids but thinks his kids will be ok because the other parent SAH is no way to raise children.

I agree and I think this is a common trap of the SAHM lifestyle.

And hardly seeing your kids is a trap of a dual working family.

With 2 working you can have less demanding jobs (except for the power couples) so they both can be home early, take off for field trips, take the kids to doctor. That is what I see, 2 very flexible jobs and lots of time for both parents to see the kids.

Yes, I read so many stories of unhurried, relaxed and flexible work positions for moms and dads (BECAUSE their spouse works) on here. And of course they all split household duties, homemade meals and restful weekends with their equal powered spouse!

Except- we don't read that.

So the mom should give up paid work to make everyone else in the family's lives more relaxed? The heck with that. I don't exist just to fulfill others' lives.

You don't butter your kids bread, bring them drinks on demand, do their laundry (just like their dads), clean up the dishes after them, run endless errands so they have the perfect colored pipecleaners for their school project, clean their rooms, etc..... Bad MOM!

I love the posters' slobbering devotion to the patience and brilliance of daycare workers, and yet the complete lack of respect for the work of the SAHM. If you think that that's all a SAHM does, no wonder you don't see the benefit over daycare.

Ironic then that the husband of the SAHM was the one knocking daycare workers and nannies the hardest. Makes you wonder how he really feels about the value of his wife staying home.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's all fun and games until breadwinner DH wants a younger, perkier wife.

Thanks to staying home I'm in the best shape of my life at 40. Maybe you're prematurely ageying from trying to juggle ft work and kids- but I look fantastic

Yeah, I have to say -- based purely on observation -- SAHMs usually look better than WOHMs. Maybe there is a self-selection bias at play though.

They have more time to exercise and take care of themselves. Duh.

I'm a exhausted WOHM but not because of my job. It's because I have to get up so freaking early to make sure my middle schooler makes his bus. Granted, I could nap if I were a SAHM....

Want to know what's funny? I'm a SAHM and I refuse to nap during the day unless I'm sick. It makes me feel guilty and if I worked outside of the home, I wouldn't be able to do it. So I do what working parents like you do, I soldier through, I make sure I'm productive and busy.

[Anonymous]

These debates are so stupid. Every family is different and what works best for a family will vary. It can vary over a lifetime. I don't owe the world any justification for being a working parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

Hallelujah! I was in the same exact position. I have two master's degrees and 10 years of work experience. Got laid off when 6 months pregnant & couldn't find another job. Then tried again when baby was 3 months old, took a lower paying job (after only 6 months of unemployment), then baby had temporary health problems and I had to quit. Started looking seriously again when baby was 2, she's now almost 3 and I still don't have a job. It's super difficult to get a job when you are in the market for an experienced position and have been out of the workforce for a few years. People are not forgiving. Mainly becasue there is so much competition so of course they'd rather hire someone who hasn't had that kind of hiatus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all fun and games until breadwinner DH wants a younger, perkier wife.

Thanks to staying home I'm in the best shape of my life at 40. Maybe you're prematurely ageying from trying to juggle ft work and kids- but I look fantastic

Yeah, I have to say -- based purely on observation -- SAHMs usually look better than WOHMs. Maybe there is a self-selection bias at play though.

They have more time to exercise and take care of themselves. Duh.

I'm a exhausted WOHM but not because of my job. It's because I have to get up so freaking early to make sure my middle schooler makes his bus. Granted, I could nap if I were a SAHM....

Want to know what's funny? I'm a SAHM and I refuse to nap during the day unless I'm sick. It makes me feel guilty and if I worked outside of the home, I wouldn't be able to do it. So I do what working parents like you do, I soldier through, I make sure I'm productive and busy.

This is kind of an interesting rationale. I work from home most days and if I'm tired, I just nap. Sometimes 20 minutes, sometimes over an hour. But when I'm up, I'm way more productive then when I'm sitting there feeling sleepy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

Sounds expensive.

[Anonymous]

I WOH and would take a nap without guilt if I SAH'd. Trust me, we all shoot the shit at work at some point.

[Anonymous]

Most people don't have a choice to stay home, and it is obvious that causes some resentment towards stay at home moms. As a mom of older elementary kids, I can tell you even in our afflicted net neighborhood, most stay at homes do return to work, making this debate particularly foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't have a choice to stay home, and it is obvious that causes some resentment towards stay at home moms. As a mom of older elementary kids, I can tell you even in our afflicted net neighborhood, most stay at homes do return to work, making this debate particularly foolish.

Affluent not afflicted

[Anonymous]

People have a negative reaction to stay at homes for the same reason they have a negative reaction to welfare queens: indolence and stupidity.

[Anonymous]

People have a negative reaction to stay at homes for the same reason they have a negative reaction to welfare queens: both groups represent indolence and stupidity.

[Anonymous]

Stupid debate