Oyster-Adam teacher arrested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I am an Oyster parent, and I think that the school acted very quickly and professionally to a horrible situation that could happen ANYWHERE. Sadly, there are people on this thread who would not be satisfied with any response by Oyster. Those people have their own agendas which, I suspect, has very little to do with supporting victims of molestation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I am an Oyster parent, and I think that the school acted very quickly and professionally to a horrible situation that could happen ANYWHERE. Sadly, there are people on this thread who would not be satisfied with any response by Oyster. Those people have their own agendas which, I suspect, has very little to do with supporting victims of molestation.

+1000

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I think the proof that the school's response is largely seen to have been satisfactory is the nature of the critical posts in this thread. Nobody is criticizing the response. Rather, the criticism -- coming from one or two posters at most -- is that the school failed to prevent the incident in the first place. The posters in question are convinced that the teacher was walking around with a sign on his head saying "pedophile" and everyone ignored it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That makes sense; thanks for th clarification. I am not an OA parent but know Julie well and think she's very down to earth and pretty amazing at her job. I also can't imagine her asking anyone to call her Dr Lopez. I hope that she was helpful to you all at OA. My heart is breaking for everyone affected by what happened.

Thank you.

I am an OA parent and my heart broke when I read that fellow parents had written letters in support of Pena. The news coverage did not say whether the letters were written before or after he confessed. Since the timeline was less than a day, I find it hard to imagine it was before.

Frankly, I don't even think the timing matters. Writing a letter in support of the accused is tantamount to saying you're disinclined to believe a child and his parents about something so serious it got the man arrested.

Imagine being this child's parents and reading that members of your own school community stepped up to write such a letter. Or don't. It's too painful.

Now imagine being the parent of another child who was victimized (because let's be real, this guy was 31 and had been teaching for years. People do not start victimizing kids at age 31). You know that Pena is going to jail regardless and you're weighing whether you can put your child through the added agony of talking to police, prosecutors, and forensic psychiatrists (expert witnesses). You know you could send him away for longer-- maybe-- but it's daunting to consider and you don't have a Snapchat smoking gun. Imagine hearing that people you pass in the hallways have written in support of him.

To draw upon my French bilingualism, I'd be fucking outraged. In fact I am fucking outraged.

And would it be helpful for all of us to run around the school screaming "I'm fucking Outraged"? Part of the issue here is that this incident threw the entire OA community into shock. Everyone deserves the right to process the shock in their own time and in their own way, not how you expect and not how many posters on this thread expect, especially given the fact that they have absolutely nothing to do with any of this. Some just want to clown around and judge others as if they were in some way a victim themselves. Sounds like a need for counseling to me. As mentioned earlier on this thread, this was like a huge, dark cloud of death for our OA community. The simple fact that it happened causes so many repercussions for many good people - parents, students, and yes, mostly for the victim and his family. Some people were closer to the teacher than others, some were parents of children in his class, some were friends and colleagues. Regardless, some people just need more time to process without the disgusting demands and accusations given so freely on this thread. So, if someone needs to write a letter, or if someone needs to run around shouting that they are fucking outraged ... so be it. At the end of the day, it's done (and I know you'll scream about all of the other victims out there, but to date there does not seem to be a line forming) and he is where he needs to be. Everyone will heal from this in time, and lessons will definitely be taken away. Just know that if one day a legal matter occurs in your life, there will be plenty of irrational opinions about everything you have done.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I think the proof that the school's response is largely seen to have been satisfactory is the nature of the critical posts in this thread. Nobody is criticizing the response. Rather, the criticism -- coming from one or two posters at most -- is that the school failed to prevent the incident in the first place. The posters in question are convinced that the teacher was walking around with a sign on his head saying "pedophile" and everyone ignored it.

I don't think Mayra is necessarily a bad principal (Not sure yet, she's only been at the job for a year) but I think that the response was not satisfactory. The event was on the news on Tuesday and we, Mr. Pena's class, only received notification (via email sent to the entire school) on Wednesday noon.

Additionally, no one ever even tried to have a meeting with us. There was a general meeting at Adams that everyone could attend, but that was it. Since then, we haven't heard anything and no one has approached us to see how we or the kids are doing.

[Anonymous]

PP, why don't you set up a meeting for the class? I bet other families feel the same way you do and would be very appreciative.

[Anonymous]

It was always odd that he offered "teacher time" during the auction which included time with him at a movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That makes sense; thanks for th clarification. I am not an OA parent but know Julie well and think she's very down to earth and pretty amazing at her job. I also can't imagine her asking anyone to call her Dr Lopez. I hope that she was helpful to you all at OA. My heart is breaking for everyone affected by what happened.

Thank you.

I am an OA parent and my heart broke when I read that fellow parents had written letters in support of Pena. The news coverage did not say whether the letters were written before or after he confessed. Since the timeline was less than a day, I find it hard to imagine it was before.

Frankly, I don't even think the timing matters. Writing a letter in support of the accused is tantamount to saying you're disinclined to believe a child and his parents about something so serious it got the man arrested.

Imagine being this child's parents and reading that members of your own school community stepped up to write such a letter. Or don't. It's too painful.

Now imagine being the parent of another child who was victimized (because let's be real, this guy was 31 and had been teaching for years. People do not start victimizing kids at age 31). You know that Pena is going to jail regardless and you're weighing whether you can put your child through the added agony of talking to police, prosecutors, and forensic psychiatrists (expert witnesses). You know you could send him away for longer-- maybe-- but it's daunting to consider and you don't have a Snapchat smoking gun. Imagine hearing that people you pass in the hallways have written in support of him.

To draw upon my French bilingualism, I'd be fucking outraged. In fact I am fucking outraged.

Please stop trying to pretend you're just ooohhh soooo concerned about other possible victims. Do you have children? Then worry about your own. Let others worry about theirs.

Pena could be a lifelong pedophiles with victims spanning years. However, there's nothing to suggest this. He could also be a guy who became close to one student and behaved inappropriately with him. Your desire to keep this story going all under the guise of 'helping other victims' is flimsy at best. Mean spirited at worst. Let everyone heal and move on. Focus on protecting your own family.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP whom you accused of pretending to care. Yes I have children. If you read my post fully you'd see that I am an OA parent and I don't have the luxury of faking concern nor the capacity to imagine why anyone would come on a board like this to do so.

[Anonymous]

For all those complaining that the Wash Post hasn't done much to cover this story, it's worth pointing out that the NW Current hasn't said anything about the scandal either.

And they did do a story about the lawsuit against those DC police officers who sent their kids to DC public schools despite living in Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was always odd that he offered "teacher time" during the auction which included time with him at a movie.

I can fully understand why it appears odd to you that he would have teacher time given the current circumstances and your knowing nothing else, but it really was not odd at all in reality. Teacher time includes all teachers, never just him. Teacher time has been a big auction item at the school ever since my child has been in Kindergarten, and it has been offered in a variety of ways; A walk in the park, cooking dinner with the teacher, fun time on the National Mall, Lunch at Chipotle's, and yes every scenario involved the teacher being alone with a group of 2-4 kids whose parents purchased it and have significant TRUST in the teacher. I have won the teacher time in the past and my kid loved every minute of spending time with his friends and the teacher. Yes, it takes on a new level of importance when you realize the consequences of broken trust (haven't we all been victims of broken trust in our lives) which could have happened in any one of these scenarios, but to date, and to the best of my knowledge, this has always been successful and without incident. I will repeat what has already been stated on this thread that Movie and Pizza with Mr. Pena never happened, and has nothing to do with the current situation. The fact that he offered this, is in my opinion inconsequential. It was a tradition which for the most part is probably an annoyance for the teachers (Just guessing). That said, I am sure there will not be a lot of big purchases of "Teacher Time" in the coming years. I know this may not clear it up for you, but you just need to accept that this is how we did it. Time can't be turned around, so just try to understand that he was not using teacher time to do anything .... believe it or not. (OA Parent)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I am an Oyster parent, and I think that the school acted very quickly and professionally to a horrible situation that could happen ANYWHERE. Sadly, there are people on this thread who would not be satisfied with any response by Oyster. Those people have their own agendas which, I suspect, has very little to do with supporting victims of molestation.

My agenda is to learn how to minimize the likelihood of another molestation of a child. Adult education, therefore, is paramount, imo. This goes for every school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I am an Oyster parent, and I think that the school acted very quickly and professionally to a horrible situation that could happen ANYWHERE. Sadly, there are people on this thread who would not be satisfied with any response by Oyster. Those people have their own agendas which, I suspect, has very little to do with supporting victims of molestation.

My agenda is to learn how to minimize the likelihood of another molestation of a child. Adult education, therefore, is paramount, imo. This goes for every school.

1) Talk to your children about good touch bad touch in an age appropriate manner, and good people can do bad touch. If you are unable to do this, have a counselor do it for you.
2) Understand and accept the fact that bad things happen in life, and there is no way to create a fail safe environment or minimize the likelihood of this happening. (you don't seem likely to buy into this point, so take it or leave it)
3) Remember that your children are children, and they do not need to be connected to social media. If you choose to allow your child access to smart phones, social media websites etc., expect that there will be a heightened chance for inappropriate contact of some sort.
4) If your child must have a phone, buy a flip phone.
5) Educate your children and create an environment where they understand that adults and children don't typically refer to themselves as "besties". Adults have "adult" best friends and kids have "kid" best friends.

I am not a professional who is in any way qualified to give this advice. This is my own opinion based on being a parent and having common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I am an Oyster parent, and I think that the school acted very quickly and professionally to a horrible situation that could happen ANYWHERE. Sadly, there are people on this thread who would not be satisfied with any response by Oyster. Those people have their own agendas which, I suspect, has very little to do with supporting victims of molestation.

My agenda is to learn how to minimize the likelihood of another molestation of a child. Adult education, therefore, is paramount, imo. This goes for every school.

1) Talk to your children about good touch bad touch in an age appropriate manner, and good people can do bad touch. If you are unable to do this, have a counselor do it for you.
2) Understand and accept the fact that bad things happen in life, and there is no way to create a fail safe environment or minimize the likelihood of this happening. (you don't seem likely to buy into this point, so take it or leave it)
3) Remember that your children are children, and they do not need to be connected to social media. If you choose to allow your child access to smart phones, social media websites etc., expect that there will be a heightened chance for inappropriate contact of some sort.
4) If your child must have a phone, buy a flip phone.
5) Educate your children and create an environment where they understand that adults and children don't typically refer to themselves as "besties". Adults have "adult" best friends and kids have "kid" best friends.

I am not a professional who is in any way qualified to give this advice. This is my own opinion based on being a parent and having common sense.

Are you seriously stating that there is nothing a school can do to minimize the likelihood of childhood molestation by teachers (and coaches, etc)? Perhaps you should do one of those required trainings you'd have to do if you wanted to volunteer in a Catholic school. You'd learn a few new things. They had to learn these things the hard way.

If parents suspect their child may have been abused, always go straight to the police, not the school. This is critical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been semi-following this thread for a while, and I'm curious if across the board parents think OA acted quickly enough or not quickly enough. It seems they responded in a day or so, and are giving parents resources, is that correct? I ask because for all the critics, it seems to me that OA is doing a very good job. This whole sad thread has brought up a lot of memories of when I was in middle school and an English teacher was arrested for decades of molesting boys, and ultimately for raping his nephew. The school knew for YEARS and never did anything. So many backroom conversations, whispering that we were semi-privy too. It's traumatic just to think back to it. The weird thing is, when it came out, I wasn't surprised at all. So how could the admin not know? My school acted criminally and only recently tried to make peace with the episode. In comparison I am buoyed by OA's response (I am not a parent) and glad that they responded after only one reported incident so that there are not decades of damaged children, who become damaged adults, as in the case at my school. It could have been much, much worse. And my heart goes out to all of you parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I am an Oyster parent, and I think that the school acted very quickly and professionally to a horrible situation that could happen ANYWHERE. Sadly, there are people on this thread who would not be satisfied with any response by Oyster. Those people have their own agendas which, I suspect, has very little to do with supporting victims of molestation.

My agenda is to learn how to minimize the likelihood of another molestation of a child. Adult education, therefore, is paramount, imo. This goes for every school.

1) Talk to your children about good touch bad touch in an age appropriate manner, and good people can do bad touch. If you are unable to do this, have a counselor do it for you.
2) Understand and accept the fact that bad things happen in life, and there is no way to create a fail safe environment or minimize the likelihood of this happening. (you don't seem likely to buy into this point, so take it or leave it)
3) Remember that your children are children, and they do not need to be connected to social media. If you choose to allow your child access to smart phones, social media websites etc., expect that there will be a heightened chance for inappropriate contact of some sort.
4) If your child must have a phone, buy a flip phone.
5) Educate your children and create an environment where they understand that adults and children don't typically refer to themselves as "besties". Adults have "adult" best friends and kids have "kid" best friends.

I am not a professional who is in any way qualified to give this advice. This is my own opinion based on being a parent and having common sense.

Are you seriously stating that there is nothing a school can do to minimize the likelihood of childhood molestation by teachers (and coaches, etc)? Perhaps you should do one of those required trainings you'd have to do if you wanted to volunteer in a Catholic school. You'd learn a few new things. They had to learn these things the hard way.

If parents suspect their child may have been abused, always go straight to the police, not the school. This is critical.

I am completely comfortable with my situation, thanks so much. Perhaps you might take away a bit more from one of these required trainings. If you are the person asking repeatedly about what to do to minimize the risk of this happening in a school, yet you can't seem to grasp common sense ... what the hell is it that you want? You are a very confusing individual to me. You seem to think you have the answers you are looking for, so I would suggest you brainstorm with yourself and come up with the fail safe way for schools, to protect themselves. While you're at it, please let us know how to avoid extramarital affairs, robberies, arson, murder and rape. And once you do, please share.