Do you, the mother, tell your child when he/she has hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

And if so, at what age?

[Anonymous]

Yes. These things must be taught. Starting as soon as they do anything that hurts my feelings.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We started at 2? 3?

[Anonymous]

I overheard a mother telling her 18 month old that she hurt her feelings. Totally unacceptable.

It isn't about you, Mom.

[Anonymous]

I will not tell my kids they hurt my feelings until they are much older -- maybe late elementary school. My parents NEVER told us that we hurt their feelings. We would get punished, of course, but it was never personal.

I actually grew up believing that my parents were above our antics and actions. My DH was brought up knowing ALL of his mother's feelings about everything and still feels guilty.

[Anonymous]

I tell my 20 month old when something he does is upsetting. How else is he going to learn empathy and what's acceptable behavior?

[Anonymous]

No. He is not responsible for my feelings. I will focus on his behavior, and tell him when things are not okay or not acceptable, but I'm not going to make a child responsible for an adult's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. These things must be taught. Starting as soon as they do anything that hurts my feelings.

So you would tell a toddler that him wanting his Dad to hold him instead of you hurt your feelings?!

You have some hefty child psychologist bills in your future, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. These things must be taught. Starting as soon as they do anything that hurts my feelings.

So you would tell a toddler that him wanting his Dad to hold him instead of you hurt your feelings?!

You have some hefty child psychologist bills in your future, PP.

That's going a bit overboard, don't you think? I think you left the reasonable person principle far behind with this one.

My interpretation was when the child says something like "you're not my friend!" or "I hate you!" or whatever. I think it's really important to teach children that those are hurtful things to say and that instead they should communicate their feelings better (like "I'm mad at you.").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. These things must be taught. Starting as soon as they do anything that hurts my feelings.

So you would tell a toddler that him wanting his Dad to hold him instead of you hurt your feelings?!

You have some hefty child psychologist bills in your future, PP.

That's going a bit overboard, don't you think? I think you left the reasonable person principle far behind with this one.

My interpretation was when the child says something like "you're not my friend!" or "I hate you!" or whatever. I think it's really important to teach children that those are hurtful things to say and that instead they should communicate their feelings better (like "I'm mad at you.").

I disagree. My response to those types of comments would be that it is not a kind thing to say and redirect him to a better way of expressing his anger or frustration. A young child is incapable of hurting my feelings -- I am the adult. And certainly in a PP's case of him wanting his Dad to hold him instead of me!

PS My response to "you're not my friend" is "you're right - I am your mother".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. He is not responsible for my feelings. I will focus on his behavior, and tell him when things are not okay or not acceptable, but I'm not going to make a child responsible for an adult's feelings.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. These things must be taught. Starting as soon as they do anything that hurts my feelings.

So you would tell a toddler that him wanting his Dad to hold him instead of you hurt your feelings?!

You have some hefty child psychologist bills in your future, PP.

That's going a bit overboard, don't you think? I think you left the reasonable person principle far behind with this one.

My interpretation was when the child says something like "you're not my friend!" or "I hate you!" or whatever. I think it's really important to teach children that those are hurtful things to say and that instead they should communicate their feelings better (like "I'm mad at you.").

Exactly. I absolutely want my children to know that words can hurt people. I am trying my hardest to raise kids who have empathy.

[Anonymous]

yes, but my DS is 15. I say. "there are some remarks that are just unacceptable. remarks like that are remembered and they should not have been made in the first place"

[Anonymous]

How can a child hurt an adult's feelings? I have three - ages 10 thru 2 - and it hasn't happened yet. I correct them when they say something impolite or unkind but I certainly would never get my feelings hurt in the first place when my toddlers wanted their Dad to hold them instead if me!!!!


I am the adult. There are definitely things that I am "above" when it comes to being a parent!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. These things must be taught. Starting as soon as they do anything that hurts my feelings.

So you would tell a toddler that him wanting his Dad to hold him instead of you hurt your feelings?!

You have some hefty child psychologist bills in your future, PP.

That's going a bit overboard, don't you think? I think you left the reasonable person principle far behind with this one.

My interpretation was when the child says something like "you're not my friend!" or "I hate you!" or whatever. I think it's really important to teach children that those are hurtful things to say and that instead they should communicate their feelings better (like "I'm mad at you.").

Exactly. I absolutely want my children to know that words can hurt people. I am trying my hardest to raise kids who have empathy.

You are raising kids who will feel that they have more power over you than they should. And you will believe that they are responsible for their mother's moods and happiness.

Like the other PP's, I correct my kids without making myself the martyr.