Mom wants to quit her job, sell her house, and move in with us.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My parents divorced three years ago. When all was settled, dad's business liquidated, and house was sold, they each walked away with a little under 200k. My mom used maybe 30k as a down payment on the condo where she's been living. We don't really know about the rest, but we're pretty sure she gave quite a bit of it away to a "friend" and she outspends her income, so I'm not sure there's any money left. She won't talk about it.
Anyway, she's been having problems at work, and she is planning to sell the condo, quit her job, and move in with us. She plans to find a job when she arrives here (she lives in another city now) but her prospects aren't good and she was unsuccessful a few years ago when she first tried finding another job. She is a nurse, but has only an associate's and has been working as a school nurse (another state, where schools do have nurses) for the past 12 years. She will receive a small pension from her old job but it is less than 1k and she needs health insurance. Also part of the deal my parents made was that my college age sister would remain on my mom's health insurance, and my mom would provide my sister with a place to live during summers, etc. Mom pays nothing, and is not willing to contribute toward my sister's tuition, ever, and has said so. My dad paid it, even though he was pretty much unemployed for 2 years. We are willing and able to provide room and board. She is willing to drop off and pick up our 2 kids from school, which will save us from having to pay SACC. I'm not even working now, but probably will be soon, and with a bad commute. DH's schedule and commute aren't so bad but sometimes he travels, so having backup would be great. I'm really worried though, that my mom will quit her job, move in with us, not find a job, and never leave. She has offered us money toward a DP when we buy, but I don't want to take it because it comes with too many strings. On the other hand, we would be able to buy her out, and maybe this small amount of money would be safer that way, rather than being quickly burned through. I am my mom's least favorite and least successful child (I have 3 siblings) and I find it odd that she expects I will want to take care of her for the rest of her life. Judging from family genetics, she will likely live well into her 80s and maybe 90s. My siblings will likely be in a position to be able to help out financially. I really just am not sure I want her living with us. Is this just totally a bad idea? Should I tell her not to come? Even if it's officially a "trial period", what if we get to that end date and things are not working, and she has no job, no money... |
Anonymous
| How old is she? Why doesn't she have SS? |
Anonymous
|
This is totally a bad idea.
Your mom has a history of making poor financial decisions, and this plan would make her dependent on you. No way. Pay the after care fee and tell Mom no. |
Anonymous
Don't let her move in unless you're sure. It will be difficult to get her back out, as she will have no resources and nowhere to go unless one of your sibs offers. |
Anonymous
| NO!!!!!!!!! |
Anonymous
| Once she comes, she's staying. How old is she? |
Anonymous
| Have you discussed this with your siblings? Maybe one of them will volunteer? |
Anonymous
| There's notging you've written here that indicates this will go well. How old is she? |
Anonymous
|
NO! Any issues you and your mother have will be worse when you live together. She seems to have trouble with finances and with her career, so odds are high that she would end up living with you permanently if she moves in.
Your mom should stay in her condo and stay in her current job until she is old enough to qualify for Social Security (which she may not depending on her pension system--if it's a Public Employee Retirement System, it doesn't count towards Social Security, but other jobs she had in the past may qualify) and Medicare or health insurance through her pension system. If she won't talk about her finances, she's probably going to expect you to support her financially by providing housing and groceries with no say in how she spends her money. DON'T DO IT! |
Anonymous
| Yeah this is not going to go well. |
Anonymous
| OP where are you? Why aren't you saying age? |
Anonymous
| If she will be providing after school care to your children, she will have a job. Does she cook and do laundry too? |
Anonymous
If she needs health insurance, she is not 65. The OP mentioned SACC, so I would assume Fairfax County |
Anonymous
| No no no. No! You don't want her to live with you, you doubt her ability to get a job and ever move out. Bad idea! |
Anonymous
| OP, do you get along with your mom? My mother is similar to yours: divorced, very poor with financial decisions/career decisions. She lives with us, and it would actually be a really pleasant arrangement if she weren't so. Freaking. Mean. She is constantly putting DH and I down, trying to control every aspect of our lives, attempting to overrule our parenting decisions, and generally making everyone as miserable as she can. She refuses to accept boundaries or the idea that anyone wants to live their life even slightly differently from how she lives hers. She is in attack mode at all times. It's really the only way she knows how to be. If she were just a little bit less aggressive, I can say I would be ok with our arrangement. But she probably wouldn't be in the situation she is in if she were more reasonable. |