Houseguest mentality

[Anonymous]

Quick survey on family houseguests. When a set of 60-65 yo parents or in law parents come stay with you and your family for 5-25 days, do they say thank you or do you say thank you. And how do they show thanks during the stay?

We are running into diametric opposite situations with ours. One set comes, buys food, rents a car, cooks, takes us out for a dinner or two and directly says thanks so much for having us, we know you're busy with work and kids.
Then the other set comes, eats every snack plus the freezer supply goes down to nil, either sits at the house or suggests we take days off to do things with them, never pays (or offers to pay) for groceries/food (and thus we stopped going out to restaurants with them), and then upon departure it's awkward so we end up tripping all over ourselves saying thank soo much for coming.

[Anonymous]

They are family. Yes, it sucks when they are not gracious, but what can you do.

[Anonymous]

I realize this is frustrating, and some people are much better about expressing gratitude, but presumably even the "deadbeat" parents fed and housed one of you for 18 years or more, sat up with you when you were sick, drove you to activity after activity,may have helped support you in college, and on and on. I think we need to give our parents and in-laws more of a break.

For example, I would never expect visiting parents on either side to pay for groceries or meals out. They've made the effort to come to us--which gets much greater as they get older--and whatever we do for them when they visit is a drop in the bucket compared to all they have done for us.

It's great that one set of parents is so lovely to you, but please don't treat the other set any worse because they don't measure up.

[Anonymous]

That would never fly in my house. If my parents (or ILs) don't contribute by at least being gracious and cleaning up after themselves, then they don't get re-invited and I will make sure they do not come again. It has never happened - both sets of parents are polite, well brought up people. They are caucasian and asian, so it's not a culture thing either.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are the latter, but they do say thank you. I think *once* they bought us a nice meal when we hosted them at a resort. Then never offer to pick up or even split the check. My parents are the opposite, but they also prefer to eat out.

[Anonymous]

25 days?
even 5?

4 nights is the absolute max around here

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine expwcting my parents or inlaws to buy groceries. How crazy is that?
What kind of relationships with your parents do you have?
Granted, my folks will take us out to eat sometimes because they like to dine out at places not in their city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize this is frustrating, and some people are much better about expressing gratitude, but presumably even the "deadbeat" parents fed and housed one of you for 18 years or more, sat up with you when you were sick, drove you to activity after activity,may have helped support you in college, and on and on. I think we need to give our parents and in-laws more of a break.

For example, I would never expect visiting parents on either side to pay for groceries or meals out. They've made the effort to come to us--which gets much greater as they get older--and whatever we do for them when they visit is a drop in the bucket compared to all they have done for us.

It's great that one set of parents is so lovely to you, but please don't treat the other set any worse because they don't measure up.

Exactly
What kind of mindset does OP have. Visiting parents are family.

[Anonymous]

The stores in our area don't carry the brands that they are used to so we take them grocery shopping so that they can pick out foods that they will eat and would like to have on hand during their stay. I prefer doing that than saying - eat what you're served, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The stores in our area don't carry the brands that they are used to so we take them grocery shopping so that they can pick out foods that they will eat and would like to have on hand during their stay. I prefer doing that than saying - eat what you're served, lol.

[Anonymous]

We are all usually sad when they leave
not concerned about who did not change the sheets or bought their own cherrios.

[Anonymous]

The poster saying both sets of guests deserve respect is absolutely right. Sure there are guest manners but there are also host manners. Your job as host is to be gracious and accommodating. Their job is to not take advantage of your hospitality. Just because one set has a different expectation of what's normal does not absolve you of your duties to your guests. I would never expect a guest to pay for my meals although I would be gracious enough to accept such a considerate offer if it were forced on me.

[Anonymous]

My dad visits often and will pay for a meal out here and there. It's not score keeping. We handle the bulk of stuff and I don't expect anything in the way of chores or groceries. I do ask that he help himself to a drink or snack rather than wait to be served/offered, but that's about it.

We thank each other upon departure.

[Anonymous]

One set comes and takes us out to eat. The other expects us to pay for her all of the time. She doesn't say thank you when we pay for meals (or cook them), but she does say thank you at the end.
Neither set really helps with the kids.

[Anonymous]

If you're my guest I pay for everything. I appreciate it if offered help but not expecting any help. I would never agree to any long term stay unless I was prepared to fund it.

Just my opinion.