Houseguest mentality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick survey on family houseguests. When a set of 60-65 yo parents or in law parents come stay with you and your family for 5-25 days, do they say thank you or do you say thank you. And how do they show thanks during the stay?

We are running into diametric opposite situations with ours. One set comes, buys food, rents a car, cooks, takes us out for a dinner or two and directly says thanks so much for having us, we know you're busy with work and kids.
Then the other set comes, eats every snack plus the freezer supply goes down to nil, either sits at the house or suggests we take days off to do things with them, never pays (or offers to pay) for groceries/food (and thus we stopped going out to restaurants with them), and then upon departure it's awkward so we end up tripping all over ourselves saying thank soo much for coming.

What happens when you visit them? My answer will depend on this answer.q

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're my guest I pay for everything. I appreciate it if offered help but not expecting any help. I would never agree to any long term stay unless I was prepared to fund it.

Just my opinion.

We're prepared to provide 100% for our guests (up to a point) but realize that they may prefer to have bagels/poptarts/fruit/yogurt in the morning instead of the bacon & eggs that we're cooking or the cereal bars that we're eating. It's fine if they want to pick some items up for themselves to eat when they want to eat them. Of course they are welcomed to the food in our pantry/fridge but sometimes what we have on hand does not appeal to them. That's o.k., get what you like.

[Anonymous]

I would never expect my parents or in-laws to pay for a meal and would not allow them to buy groceries.

[Anonymous]

You say "thanks for coming." And they say "thanks for having us." Common courtesy.

As for food, my parents and inlaws always offer and squabble with us to pay the bill when we eat out. But buying groceries wouldn't even be on our radars. They wouldn't think to do it, and we wouldn't think to ask.

[Anonymous]

Is one set American and the other from another country, by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're my guest I pay for everything. I appreciate it if offered help but not expecting any help. I would never agree to any long term stay unless I was prepared to fund it.

Just my opinion.

We're prepared to provide 100% for our guests (up to a point) but realize that they may prefer to have bagels/poptarts/fruit/yogurt in the morning instead of the bacon & eggs that we're cooking or the cereal bars that we're eating. It's fine if they want to pick some items up for themselves to eat when they want to eat them. Of course they are welcomed to the food in our pantry/fridge but sometimes what we have on hand does not appeal to them. That's o.k., get what you like.

I just get the things they want want to have on hand when they arrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The poster saying both sets of guests deserve respect is absolutely right. Sure there are guest manners but there are also host manners. Your job as host is to be gracious and accommodating. Their job is to not take advantage of your hospitality. Just because one set has a different expectation of what's normal does not absolve you of your duties to your guests. I would never expect a guest to pay for my meals although I would be gracious enough to accept such a considerate offer if it were forced on me.

For 25 days!?!?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're my guest I pay for everything. I appreciate it if offered help but not expecting any help. I would never agree to any long term stay unless I was prepared to fund it.

Just my opinion.

We're prepared to provide 100% for our guests (up to a point) but realize that they may prefer to have bagels/poptarts/fruit/yogurt in the morning instead of the bacon & eggs that we're cooking or the cereal bars that we're eating. It's fine if they want to pick some items up for themselves to eat when they want to eat them. Of course they are welcomed to the food in our pantry/fridge but sometimes what we have on hand does not appeal to them. That's o.k., get what you like.

I just get the things they want want to have on hand when they arrive.

We have different stores and they don't always stock their brands of usual foods. So having on hand what they like and are used to isn't always possible (we learned this when we moved to our new area) and they may actually enjoy seeing the different options available at our stores. Plus making a quick run to the grocery store makes it easy for them to contribute a little something w/o adding up to $$$...

[Anonymous]

What do you do when you visit them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never expect my parents or in-laws to pay for a meal and would not allow them to buy groceries.

+ 1.

My parents and ILs are gracious and caring people and their children have learnt by their examples. What they have done for us can never be repaid back, so taking care of them when they are visiting us is the least that we can do.

We do not keep a tally of who does what in our household. They are not guests, they are family. And when either set leaves - we (DH, kid and I) are usually very sad for a few days and miss them terribly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never expect my parents or in-laws to pay for a meal and would not allow them to buy groceries.

+ 1.

My parents and ILs are gracious and caring people and their children have learnt by their examples. What they have done for us can never be repaid back, so taking care of them when they are visiting us is the least that we can do.

We do not keep a tally of who does what in our household. They are not guests, they are family. And when either set leaves - we (DH, kid and I) are usually very sad for a few days and miss them terribly.

Color me jealous! I wish I felt this way after grandparent visits. Instead, everyone is just glad it wasn't more strained and awkward when it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never expect my parents or in-laws to pay for a meal and would not allow them to buy groceries.

+ 1.

My parents and ILs are gracious and caring people and their children have learnt by their examples. What they have done for us can never be repaid back, so taking care of them when they are visiting us is the least that we can do.

We do not keep a tally of who does what in our household. They are not guests, they are family. And when either set leaves - we (DH, kid and I) are usually very sad for a few days and miss them terribly.

So if your store doesn't happen to stock their brand of breakfast bar you have it flown in or you select an alternative (even if they would never have selected that alternative themselves)? And you always anticipate whether or not they need antacids, feminine products, Probiotics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The poster saying both sets of guests deserve respect is absolutely right. Sure there are guest manners but there are also host manners. Your job as host is to be gracious and accommodating. Their job is to not take advantage of your hospitality. Just because one set has a different expectation of what's normal does not absolve you of your duties to your guests. I would never expect a guest to pay for my meals although I would be gracious enough to accept such a considerate offer if it were forced on me.

For 25 days!?!?!?

For parents, yes.

[Anonymous]

I don't expect parents in-laws to pay for food while they stay at my home no matter how long.

Before visitors I usually have a stocked fridge & freezer. However, my mother always wants something and can't find so she goes out to buy it. Not a big problem. I do ask what they want or go grocery shopping with my mom when things start to run out.

When my in-laws visit, I always make sure to have everything on hand and WILL NEVER go shopping with my MIL again. Two years ago, they came for Christmas and she want to me a christmas meal. I took her grocery shopping $400 later at Whole Foods and we still didn't have everything she needed, we went to Safeway to the tune of another $158. After that I swore to my DH that I would never fall in her trap again. She buys everything organic. $25 for a bag of organic pecans to make pecan pie, organic fennel, you name it; it was bought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never expect my parents or in-laws to pay for a meal and would not allow them to buy groceries.

+ 1.

My parents and ILs are gracious and caring people and their children have learnt by their examples. What they have done for us can never be repaid back, so taking care of them when they are visiting us is the least that we can do.

We do not keep a tally of who does what in our household. They are not guests, they are family. And when either set leaves - we (DH, kid and I) are usually very sad for a few days and miss them terribly.

So if your store doesn't happen to stock their brand of breakfast bar you have it flown in or you select an alternative (even if they would never have selected that alternative themselves)? And you always anticipate whether or not they need antacids, feminine products, Probiotics?

I will ask before they come to visit what I need to know about their requirements and will try and meet them as best as I can. If they have something specific they like they usually will bring their own stock. Similarly, when we are visiting - my mom or MIL will call and ask what they need to stock for their grandkids and us. Usually, we will carry whatever we need as well.

Seriously, it is not a big deal. Usually the moms will let me know and they are the best source of info about my dad and FIL needs for specific food products etc.