Daughter not fitting into Girl Scout troop

[Anonymous]

I need some advice. My daughter (6th grade), who has many friends, has been in a Girl Scout troop for several years now. Over time, the troop has developed several tight cliques of friends that don't include DD. Now when DD attends the meetings and activities, she is kind of hanging out by herself and I can tell she feels a bit awkward. I know she likes GS as an organization, and I think she'd like to keep with it, but I also know she wants to feel like part of the troop... Anyone go through this? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Is there anyone in the troop she's more friendly with that she could try to pursue a friendship with independent of the clique? Might make it easier for her to fit in if she finds one "in." If not, is it possible to switch to another troop?

[Anonymous]

Why not ask your daughter how she feels and what she wants to do instead of assuming and making decesions for her?

[Anonymous]

Can she invite someone to join who she feels she could bond with?

Sorry for saying this, but I'm not fond of Girl Scout organizations in general - I feel so many of them boil down to gossipy cliques.
I know some of them are wonderful! But many more do not have the right kind of leadership.

[Anonymous]

Great idea to invite a friend (but make sure the friend knows that she will pay for events that the others sold cookies to fund).

Also, float the idea with the leader that maybe the girls are a bit too comfortable with their own friends and maybe a little more structured pairing would be better. It takes just a little effort by the leader b/c it's not as easy as saying "find a partner" -- the leader has to be proactive about making sure girls mix it up.

I think it's really normal development at this age that girls value one on one or smaller sub-groups as friends rather than just enjoying being part of a generally friendly large group. I actually think that's one reason girls fizzle out of GS around this age -- they are connecting on a more personal level, rather than a group level. (not saying that is the only reason girls move on. Also not saying that it is o.k. to exclude others.)

Talk to your DD. Does she feel actively excluded or is she just kind of getting sidelined b/c she's not anybody's first pick? What would she want to be different, if anything? Sometimes we have to learn to be o.k. even if we don't have a bestie with us. There are definitely things the leader can do to mix it up (i.e. pre-determining who is riding in which car so that no one is left standing by herself, pre-assigning who works at a badge station, working on a journey or badge activity about including everyone, etc.).

Hang in there. It's just hard being a girl at this age.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely talk to her about it. I think it's fine to "shop" around for a different troops. Even if she invites a friend to join or is friendly with a few of the girls, the herd mentality can be hard to break.

I think you can participate with other groups w/o formally withdrawing from your original troupe. If worse comes to worse, you can always go back. If people question it, just say it's a scheduling issue.

[Anonymous]

People like to choose their own friends, that's why the concept of Girl Scouts doesn't work very well - especially once they hit this age.

Op, you may want to give it some time - say a year. It might be that the cliquish girls don't choose scouts again next year. I'm sorry. It's hard to watch.

I would, most of all, let your daughter take the lead on this. Make sure you are not too invested in this, in Girl Scouts being part of your/her life.

Whether to stay or not is not so important. What's important is that your daughter feels empowered.

[Anonymous]

It might be a good idea to talk quietly and privately with the scout leaders (without pointing fingers or anything like that) to get a sense for their ideas, what they observe and so on. Alas, some parents are a bit callous and feel like, "Whelp, that's just how the social dynamics work at this age--nothing I can do about it" (which, of course, is utter bullsh!t--but it may be borne more of ignorance than malice).

[Anonymous]

My kids are in boy scouts, but I would say you do not need to be shy about checking out different troops in your area if you think this one is not working. If you are not sure where other troops meet you can call your local district council and they will give you contact info. Everyone is always looking for new members.

[Anonymous]

I would discuss it with the leader and ask her opinion. If she is not part of the problem and it happens, I have been GS for 8 years and they are not immune, ask her what can be done. Sample things are making sure your daughter is integrated in all the activities and mixing up the known cliques. If she does not get it, consider a new troop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Can she invite someone to join who she feels she could bond with?

Sorry for saying this, but I'm not fond of Girl Scout organizations in general - I feel so many of them boil down to gossipy cliques.
I know some of them are wonderful! But many more do not have the right kind of leadership.

+1

Our leader was the most gossipy of all. I know many people have a great experience, but it was a huge, hypocritical waste of time for my DD.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks for the responses. I'll talk to the leader to see if she can provide any assistance and agree, that maybe it isn't the best troop for my DD. I am definitively letting DD take the lead on how she wants to handle this but want to give her some suggestions on what she might do. I was hoping to hear that the cliques break down as the girls get older...

[Anonymous]

I left GS after sixth grade. Nothing wrong with moving on and trying something else.

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl scout leader for 6th and 7th graders and I too would discuss with the leader. It is harder as they get older and the troop leader may or may not be able to do anything about it. I think inviting a friend to join is an excellent idea if your gs troop leader is willing.

[Anonymous]

I called the GS Council about this -- because they just did not seem very friendly in the troop. What they told me was surprising -- many very small troops only exist to be a clique for the leaders daughters and their close friends. They consider it a problem but what can they do -- its a volunteer organization. After 6th, many girls outgrow GS, and by MS it is really nerdy. So maybe time to move on?