Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

Sounds like Alzheimer’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom says lots of crazy shit. Here's a fun one:

We were in my sister's small Southern town for a graduation. There is a very large Catholic church in the center of this small Bible-belt town, so I asked my sister the history of the church. Just making conversation in the car, a little curious, etc.

My mom perks up and says "It's for all of the Mexicans".

To which my sister, trying to actually give an answer, says "We actually don't have a large Latino population here"

My mom's reply: "Then who works your fields??"

She was genuinely asking.

Of course now we ask that to each other a lot - "who works your fields??"

[Anonymous]

Geez you all have racists mothers

[Anonymous]

My mother and grandmothers were not racists and I'm appalled at the number of shameful anecdotes of racism popping up fun crazy stories. My mom did counsel her daughters to ask for gold coins as gifts however since there are "as good as money". This is still a family joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

this cracked me up.

Is she from Texas?

[Anonymous]

Several years ago, after an exceptionally good Thanksgiving, my mom plopped herself on the couch and said “that meal was so good! I’m all eaten out!”

To this day my husband will occasionally ask my mom “how was dinner, Larla - you all eaten out??”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"In SF most everyone is white, Asian, or South American."

South American????

What do you call Mexico and the countries below that? South America.

First, I refer to them by the country name. Second, if I need to refer by region or a large group, I might say "Mexico (since Mexico is in North America) and Central America" or "Central and South America."

Uh, Latino/Latina/Latinx is the correct term. Or Hispanic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

this cracked me up.

Is she from Texas?

All those who think this is funny—one call to police about this could get that innocent man killed. It isn’t funny at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many of these moms racist? And why is it cute/funny?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You know what kind of girls wear black panties and bras? The WRONG kind. I'm talking about ladies of the night."

"If you keep using tampons, you'll be all loosey-goosey in your special area and never get a husband!"

"It never fails. Every time I take the metro I am seated next to one of those curry people." (All brown people = Muslims to her, which = curry people. And yes, we've explained the difference between Muslims and Indians many times. They're the same to her).

My grandmother called Italian food "eye-tal-yun" and my brother and I still say it that way sometimes to this day as a joke of sorts.

Curry people? Wtf? How about telling her they are American just like her? The racism on this thread is sickening.

[Anonymous]

All my relatives 65+ are die hard racists and say bat crap crazy things constantly, most of which I don't feel like I can post on the interwebs because they are worse than previous posts here. And I'm in my 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many of these moms racist? And why is it cute/funny?

+1000

The thread title isn’t “cute/funny shit my mom says”. It’s “CRAZY shit my mom says”
I think this qualifies.

[Anonymous]

Great-grandmother:
When my Great-grandmother was out with my mom celebrating her 75th birthday, they ran into an acquaintance. The acquaintance asked, “Oh? How old are you today?” Great-grandma replied: “85!”
The friend congratulated her on her vigor and left.
My mom: “Grandma, you are only 75! If you are going to lie, shouldn’t you say 65?”
Great-grandma: “Are you kidding me? I look like s—t for 65. But I look d@mn good for 85!”

Grandmother:
Referred to all bras as “over-the-shoulder boulder holder”
One of her favorite sayings (which was her way of saying “suck it up and deal”): “Well, tough t!ddy said the kitty when the milk went dry!“

She was very progressive. When they moved house for my grandfather’s new job in 1965, his black coworker offered to help them move and brought along his little daughter, who was about the same age as my mom. The two girls were out playing in the yard and grandma was unpacking boxes when a new neighbor came over to greet them. Neighbor took it upon herself to advise grandmother “You really shouldn’t let your daughter play with that little N——- girl. You never know what diseases they might carry.” Grandmother ripped her a proverbial new one right there on the front stoop in front of God and Everyone and my mother was never allowed to play with that neighbor’s children ever again (though the coworker’s whole family became close friends).

As she was in hospice, dying from cancer, one uncle decided to try to preemptively claim a certain antique desk that had been her mother’s and which she had long promised to my mother (her only daughter). It was particularly important to her because my grandmother was the youngest of her mother’s daughters and the only one to live far from home and this was the only piece of furniture she ever inherited from her childhood home. Uncle came down to visit the hospice center over a weekend and brought his truck. Grandmother hadn’t been coherent for days. She was on a LOT of morphine and was slipping in and out of consciousness, talking to people who had been dead for decades, etc. She had only days to live. Uncle sidles up to Grandpa and says, “Well, I’m so sorry for your loss. I have to be getting home so I’ll just swing by the house on my way back and pick up that dresser—“
Grandmother SITS UP on her hospital bed and YELLS “THE H3LL YOU WILL!” She proceeded to chew him out until he slunk back to his home in disgrace, dresser-less. It was one of her last acts on this earth and I tend to think she would approve.

Mom:
When he was young my brother went to speech therapy because he always mixed up his S-blends (St, Sl, Sp, Sh, etc.) At age 5 we got a puppy that was HIS dog. One day a woman from church was visiting and she was asking about the new puppy, as she wanted one for her kids. My mom explained that they had gotten a lot out of the Puppy Kindergarten class at the local humane society. “I learned a lot, although the dog only learned one trick.”
Brother: “Let me show her mom!”
He proceeded to draw himself up to his full 5yo height and in the “command voice” he learned at puppy K, he sternly said, “Rover, Sh!t!”
He immediately knew he had said a bad word and looked up with big eyes, prepared to be scolded.
“See?” Says my mom, “He doesn’t even do THAT when you tell him.”

My other favorite story has to do with a neighbor on our quiet cul-de-sac. Our street always had a roving band of children wandering around and running back and forth to one another’s yards. One neighbor lived near the open end of the street but always preferred to drive down to the end of the cul-de-sac, turn around and then park in front of her house rather than in the driveway. The problem is that she would zoom down the street going 30mph. Several of the moms on the street had tried to talk to her about it, but she always just replied that she had the right-of-way, and they’d say pedestrians have the right-of-way and everyone would be grumpy and nothing changed. Finally my own mother went to address it with her. Neighbor gave her standard response “I have the right-of-way so—“
“Oh of course! Of course you have the right-of-way!” Says my mother. “But,” she added, “Wouldn’t it just f—up your whole day if you killed somebody’s kid?”
That was the first argument that actually seemed to register and after that the neighbor did a 3-point turn into her own driveway to turn around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many of these moms racist? And why is it cute/funny?

+1000

The thread title isn’t “cute/funny shit my mom says”. It’s “CRAZY shit my mom says”
I think this qualifies.

But there are a bunch of posters saying that these are so hilarious. Not to the victims pf these mentalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a dad count?
FIL sent email about how wonderful their trip to the Amish country in PA was recently. "They don't have any blacks or hispanics in their world" like it was some sort of eutopia or something. Not the first racist shit he's said unfortunately.

Fwiw there are hispanic Mennonite congregations. I would be tempted to visit one with dad sometime..

To be fair, the dad just made a statement :the Amishes don't have blacks or hispanics in their world. It is a true statement according to his observation. If he visits hispanic congregation, his observation will be: There are no whites, blacks or Asians in their world. How is stating the fact is racist?

It’s “the Amish” not “the Amishes”.