Are you obligated to inform your spouse about plans to change your appearance?

[Anonymous]

Same! I mean, I am married, but I cannot stand the idea of somebody else being entitled to have a say on what I do with my body (unless, obviously, it’s an affair or something dangerous that might leave DH a single parent or something). Never ever ever. My body my choice.

^ Stopped having sex with her DH years ago, is indifferent to his anguished complaints about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely think you need to discuss a tattoo with a partner. I would be upset if my partner got one because they can spread HIV, hepatitis, etc. I would demand testing, condom usage, etc.

Sure....if you're getting a tattoo in prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cutting nice long hair into a short style that declares you no longer have an interest in sex probably warrants some prior discussion.

So when my husband cut his pandemic man bun hair, it meant he didn't want to have sex anymore? He didn't get that message.

There's no real correlation between a man's hair length and his desire to have sex. There's at least some correlation between a woman's hair length and her desire to have sex. (It's also correlated with age, length of relationship, and willingness to expend effort on looking attractive.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated no? Of course, they aren't obligated to stay married to you if you started as a shoulder length brunette with no tattoos and morph into a multi-colored spike job and enough tats to belong to a biker gang. I love my wife but if she decided to go off the deep end like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be out as soon as the kids graduated from high school and probably try to avoid going anywhere in public with her.

Flip side, I keep a short beard...if I decided I wanted to look like ZZ Top, I'm pretty sure I'd get told in no uncertain terms that my idea wouldn't fly.

No issues with small changes, but there has to be a limit before a serious discussion needs to happen.

This is why I'm not married. Not into any of that, but the thought of someone else having a say or feeling like they have a say in what I do with my body makes me cringe.

Same! I mean, I am married, but I cannot stand the idea of somebody else being entitled to have a say on what I do with my body (unless, obviously, it’s an affair or something dangerous that might leave DH a single parent or something). Never ever ever. My body my choice.

So, your spouse wouldn't have a say in your choice of masking or vaccination?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated no? Of course, they aren't obligated to stay married to you if you started as a shoulder length brunette with no tattoos and morph into a multi-colored spike job and enough tats to belong to a biker gang. I love my wife but if she decided to go off the deep end like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be out as soon as the kids graduated from high school and probably try to avoid going anywhere in public with her.

Flip side, I keep a short beard...if I decided I wanted to look like ZZ Top, I'm pretty sure I'd get told in no uncertain terms that my idea wouldn't fly.

No issues with small changes, but there has to be a limit before a serious discussion needs to happen.

This is why I'm not married. Not into any of that, but the thought of someone else having a say or feeling like they have a say in what I do with my body makes me cringe.

Same! I mean, I am married, but I cannot stand the idea of somebody else being entitled to have a say on what I do with my body (unless, obviously, it’s an affair or something dangerous that might leave DH a single parent or something). Never ever ever. My body my choice.

So, your spouse wouldn't have a say in your choice of masking or vaccination?

Np here, but yes your spouse can't actually dictate if you get a vaccine or wear a mask

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cutting nice long hair into a short style that declares you no longer have an interest in sex probably warrants some prior discussion.

So when my husband cut his pandemic man bun hair, it meant he didn't want to have sex anymore? He didn't get that message.

There's no real correlation between a man's hair length and his desire to have sex. There's at least some correlation between a woman's hair length and her desire to have sex. (It's also correlated with age, length of relationship, and willingness to expend effort on looking attractive.)

Please post the stats on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like of course you are not OBLIGATED but if you are doing something substantial and you want to have a healthy relationship than yes you should be open ahead of time.

I just don't view it as something that needs discussion to me it's in the same category as brushing teeth and changing underwear I don't need an update. I actually think a relationship is insecure and unhealthy if they need to discuss every little thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t tell my husband about my hair plans before a swim visit - but it’s never anything more wild than highlights or bangs.

I do tell my husband before things like Botox, laser hair removal, facial lasers, picking out new glasses. Not that he will object, but sometimes he weighs in on what he prefers. Real example - I normally get a full Brazilian wax just before the pool opens and before our July vacation. I do it for me because I like it. I went to get a consult / price quote for laser hair removal which is semi-permanent. I asked his opinion because I wanted to know if he was actually ok with that look al the time or something he just tolerates in the summer because he knows I prefer it.

Oh no you'd be upset! 🤣

I have a strong preference for full hair down their, I'd be very upset if my wife told me she was permanently getting rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean asking for permission. I mean telling them you are thinking about making a change to your appearance. Is it okay to just show up with a change? By change in appearance, I'm thinking of things like a haircut, changing the color of your hair, going bald, or getting a piercing or a tattoo.

Tattoo is in a whole other category as it's permanent, but no issue changing your hair without discussing it first. Piercing might require a conversation first, depending on the people involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has dictated no beards, no coloring some of the gray out and if gets longish comments about getting it cut are made.

I on the hand am not allowed input on the length or style of her hair, how she tints/highlights etc including coming back almost blonde. But, I am allowed an opinion on her change of hairstyle etc so long as it is positive.

She must be a really great person overall. I don't understand how some people put up with spouses who are that controlling.

This is the norm for women...not unusual at all. And no matter how bad a woman's haircut is other women will support them and at the most rather than criticize to her face they make little suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated no? Of course, they aren't obligated to stay married to you if you started as a shoulder length brunette with no tattoos and morph into a multi-colored spike job and enough tats to belong to a biker gang. I love my wife but if she decided to go off the deep end like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be out as soon as the kids graduated from high school and probably try to avoid going anywhere in public with her.

Flip side, I keep a short beard...if I decided I wanted to look like ZZ Top, I'm pretty sure I'd get told in no uncertain terms that my idea wouldn't fly.

No issues with small changes, but there has to be a limit before a serious discussion needs to happen.

This is why I'm not married. Not into any of that, but the thought of someone else having a say or feeling like they have a say in what I do with my body makes me cringe.

Same! I mean, I am married, but I cannot stand the idea of somebody else being entitled to have a say on what I do with my body (unless, obviously, it’s an affair or something dangerous that might leave DH a single parent or something). Never ever ever. My body my choice.

So, your spouse wouldn't have a say in your choice of masking or vaccination?

Np here, but yes your spouse can't actually dictate if you get a vaccine or wear a mask

PP wasn't talking about her spouse "dictating." She said that her spouse would never ever ever even have a say in the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cutting nice long hair into a short style that declares you no longer have an interest in sex probably warrants some prior discussion.

So when my husband cut his pandemic man bun hair, it meant he didn't want to have sex anymore? He didn't get that message.

There's no real correlation between a man's hair length and his desire to have sex. There's at least some correlation between a woman's hair length and her desire to have sex. (It's also correlated with age, length of relationship, and willingness to expend effort on looking attractive.)

Please post the stats on this.

Nah.

[Anonymous]

I told him I was buzz cutting my hair, but I have cancer so he wasn’t really surprised. We were both surprised that I lost 15 lbs and now have no azz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t tell my husband about my hair plans before a swim visit - but it’s never anything more wild than highlights or bangs.

I do tell my husband before things like Botox, laser hair removal, facial lasers, picking out new glasses. Not that he will object, but sometimes he weighs in on what he prefers. Real example - I normally get a full Brazilian wax just before the pool opens and before our July vacation. I do it for me because I like it. I went to get a consult / price quote for laser hair removal which is semi-permanent. I asked his opinion because I wanted to know if he was actually ok with that look al the time or something he just tolerates in the summer because he knows I prefer it.

Oh no you'd be upset! 🤣

I have a strong preference for full hair down their, I'd be very upset if my wife told me she was permanently getting rid of it.

DH likes me to have a full bush so I just do cleanup. It’s an easy compromise.

[Anonymous]

Something permanent like a tattoo or piercing or laser hair removal, yes.

Anything else that can be changed easily and not permanently (hair, nails, waxing etc) not unless you want to.

And, no, not all women who have long hair want to have sex all the time; I have long hair because I actually look better with it, not because I am up for sex, lol.