Are you obligated to inform your spouse about plans to change your appearance?

[Anonymous]

Obligated no? Of course, they aren't obligated to stay married to you if you started as a shoulder length brunette with no tattoos and morph into a multi-colored spike job and enough tats to belong to a biker gang. I love my wife but if she decided to go off the deep end like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be out as soon as the kids graduated from high school and probably try to avoid going anywhere in public with her.

Flip side, I keep a short beard...if I decided I wanted to look like ZZ Top, I'm pretty sure I'd get told in no uncertain terms that my idea wouldn't fly.

No issues with small changes, but there has to be a limit before a serious discussion needs to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obligated no? Of course, they aren't obligated to stay married to you if you started as a shoulder length brunette with no tattoos and morph into a multi-colored spike job and enough tats to belong to a biker gang. I love my wife but if she decided to go off the deep end like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be out as soon as the kids graduated from high school and probably try to avoid going anywhere in public with her.

Flip side, I keep a short beard...if I decided I wanted to look like ZZ Top, I'm pretty sure I'd get told in no uncertain terms that my idea wouldn't fly.

No issues with small changes, but there has to be a limit before a serious discussion needs to happen.

This is why I'm not married. Not into any of that, but the thought of someone else having a say or feeling like they have a say in what I do with my body makes me cringe.

[Anonymous]

But OP - what happened??? Was I right about the mid-life crisis? Are you embarrassed by something your husband did???

[Anonymous]

Cutting nice long hair into a short style that declares you no longer have an interest in sex probably warrants some prior discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cutting nice long hair into a short style that declares you no longer have an interest in sex probably warrants some prior discussion.

There's so much dumb in this post I don't know where to start.

[Anonymous]

If it's before a big event, I'd say it's courtesy to at least mention it. My DH shaved his entire beard off 5 days before our engagement photos and I was super bummed (I cried). He had been growing it for over a year, kept it trimmed, and it looked SO good on him. Without the beard he looked 10 years younger (and 20lbs heavier, tbh) and SO PALE (his skin had not seen sunlight for a year!!). It was partly the shock of seeing him look so different and the disappointment that he hadn't even mentioned it - but it's his body so ultimately 100% his choice what he wants to do with it / how he wants to look.

[Anonymous]

Obligated, no.
Is it polite? yes.
Is there some reason you wouldn't discuss it with your spouse? Letting them know you were going to get a haircut, or tatoo or something?

My DH grew his hair for a year without cutting it. This was his plan, he didn't ask me. He didn't tell me. I had no idea this was his plan. So when it got long and scruffy I mentioned it might be time for a haircut. He didn't do anything about it. Fine, his hair. But he also didn't mention that he was specifically growing it. His MOM talked to me about his hair. Of course I said it was his hair, he knows we'd like it trimmed. About 11 months into this he finally said he was trying to see if he could go a year without cutting it. Why the f didn't you just say that 11 months ago????

Not sure what my point is except to complain.

[Anonymous]

I feel like of course you are not OBLIGATED but if you are doing something substantial and you want to have a healthy relationship than yes you should be open ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cutting nice long hair into a short style that declares you no longer have an interest in sex probably warrants some prior discussion.

So when my husband cut his pandemic man bun hair, it meant he didn't want to have sex anymore? He didn't get that message.

[Anonymous]

I don’t tell my husband about my hair plans before a swim visit - but it’s never anything more wild than highlights or bangs.

I do tell my husband before things like Botox, laser hair removal, facial lasers, picking out new glasses. Not that he will object, but sometimes he weighs in on what he prefers. Real example - I normally get a full Brazilian wax just before the pool opens and before our July vacation. I do it for me because I like it. I went to get a consult / price quote for laser hair removal which is semi-permanent. I asked his opinion because I wanted to know if he was actually ok with that look al the time or something he just tolerates in the summer because he knows I prefer it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated no? Of course, they aren't obligated to stay married to you if you started as a shoulder length brunette with no tattoos and morph into a multi-colored spike job and enough tats to belong to a biker gang. I love my wife but if she decided to go off the deep end like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be out as soon as the kids graduated from high school and probably try to avoid going anywhere in public with her.

Flip side, I keep a short beard...if I decided I wanted to look like ZZ Top, I'm pretty sure I'd get told in no uncertain terms that my idea wouldn't fly.

No issues with small changes, but there has to be a limit before a serious discussion needs to happen.

This is why I'm not married. Not into any of that, but the thought of someone else having a say or feeling like they have a say in what I do with my body makes me cringe.

Same! I mean, I am married, but I cannot stand the idea of somebody else being entitled to have a say on what I do with my body (unless, obviously, it’s an affair or something dangerous that might leave DH a single parent or something). Never ever ever. My body my choice.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a tattoo or piercing type person but the only time I ever talked to my husband about a big change was when I wanted to get the fat pockets under my eyes taken care of (inherited from my dad) and get rid of some turkey neck. I thought his issue would be the money but it was far more about my health given it was surgery. I had the work done and I really liked how I looked and so did he. I’ve changed my hairstyle a bunch of times and I never get his input but after the fact it’s very clear what he likes and doesn’t like.

[Anonymous]

I think anything surgical you should be obliged to tell them. I'd put large tattoos into the same category. Otherwise, no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband shaved his head and got a tattoo in the midst of a mid-life criss, obviously. She's embarrassed.

I was thinking they were both men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t tell my husband about my hair plans before a swim visit - but it’s never anything more wild than highlights or bangs.

I do tell my husband before things like Botox, laser hair removal, facial lasers, picking out new glasses. Not that he will object, but sometimes he weighs in on what he prefers. Real example - I normally get a full Brazilian wax just before the pool opens and before our July vacation. I do it for me because I like it. I went to get a consult / price quote for laser hair removal which is semi-permanent. I asked his opinion because I wanted to know if he was actually ok with that look al the time or something he just tolerates in the summer because he knows I prefer it.

I have a strong preference for full hair down their, I'd be very upset if my wife told me she was permanently getting rid of it.