How To Help Boyfriend Relax?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend works in finance and has been super stressed with work deadlines. He’s been working 11-12 hour days and he’s exhausted. He hadn’t been mad, but he’s definitely more irritable and crabby. I’ve been just trying my eta to be supportive but I really don’t know how besides making sure he has something to eat and sex. He doesn’t really want to talk about it and I get it. How can I let him know I’m here for him and how to relax?

So you do all the domestic work, make meals, keep house, maybe worn at your own job? He goes to work, eats delivered food on company dine, works 8-8, and comes home to BJ and a ready to play sex kitten? He will only get worse with age. All the IB folks I knew thrived on the long hours, partied a bit at end of work day, it was a very gung ho culture. It sounds like he wasn’t built for it, which is fine, but he will need to pivot careers before they do it for him.

OP here. No. This is a stressful time but that doesn’t mean I do everything all of the time. He’s doing the job of 3 people. He loves his job and has been doing it for over 10 years.

We usually trade off on dinner and cleaning. If I cook, he cleans up after dinner and vice versa. Most days we cook together and clean together. We are both clean the rest of the house.

He works from home and eats what we have at home.

He doesn’t get sex anytime. It’s not like I’m waiting at the door or in bed when he gets home. Most days we have sex but it’s because I want to do it too. I love sex and enjoy it. There are days I’m not into it, or days he’s not into it, and that’s fine. We know how to self pleasure or wait a day.

He doesn’t expect anything from me. He’s an equal partner. I’m doing a little more while he’s busy working these hours, but he’s also done more on days or weeks that I’m busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these women. These women on here complain all day about men, but then whine how their husbands won’t support their lifestyle they feel their entitled to just because they become a starfish once a month or pop out babies. Most women on here do nothing but hate men and are very anti-men. Most are entitled woman who feel they’re owed something because they are a “ woman”. This is all coming from a woman. Do what works for you. I suggest reddit or other sites if you want real advice.

Nice try but speak for yourself. I don’t need my husband to maintain my lifestyle. He’s around only because I want him, not because I need him. And I do feel entitled - entitled to an equal partner who pulls his weight. This includes managing his stress and negative emotions without putting it on me.

[Anonymous]

To all the jerks, we’re in a global pandemic, the economy is in the tank and only getting worse, and jobs are being lost everyday. Everyone is stressed.

When does one person doing a little more during stressful times mean the other person isn’t pulling their weight? Some of you women on here are entitled brats. You expect a man to go to work, parent, and do half of the house work while you do the bare minimum. It’s normal for partners to be supportive and switch off doing a little more during certain weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these women. These women on here complain all day about men, but then whine how their husbands won’t support their lifestyle they feel their entitled to just because they become a starfish once a month or pop out babies. Most women on here do nothing but hate men and are very anti-men. Most are entitled woman who feel they’re owed something because they are a “ woman”. This is all coming from a woman. Do what works for you. I suggest reddit or other sites if you want real advice.

Nice try but speak for yourself. I don’t need my husband to maintain my lifestyle. He’s around only because I want him, not because I need him. And I do feel entitled - entitled to an equal partner who pulls his weight. This includes managing his stress and negative emotions without putting it on me.

Do you also stay at home and use tv and iPads to raise your kids buy demand he do half of everything while working FT and giving you all of his money?

[Anonymous]

Jerk him off every day to relieve stress…

[Anonymous]

cbd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend works in finance and has been super stressed with work deadlines. He’s been working 11-12 hour days and he’s exhausted. He hadn’t been mad, but he’s definitely more irritable and crabby. I’ve been just trying my eta to be supportive but I really don’t know how besides making sure he has something to eat and sex. He doesn’t really want to talk about it and I get it. How can I let him know I’m here for him and how to relax?

So you do all the domestic work, make meals, keep house, maybe worn at your own job? He goes to work, eats delivered food on company dine, works 8-8, and comes home to BJ and a ready to play sex kitten? He will only get worse with age. All the IB folks I knew thrived on the long hours, partied a bit at end of work day, it was a very gung ho culture. It sounds like he wasn’t built for it, which is fine, but he will need to pivot careers before they do it for him.

OP here. No. This is a stressful time but that doesn’t mean I do everything all of the time. He’s doing the job of 3 people. He loves his job and has been doing it for over 10 years.

We usually trade off on dinner and cleaning. If I cook, he cleans up after dinner and vice versa. Most days we cook together and clean together. We are both clean the rest of the house.

He works from home and eats what we have at home.

He doesn’t get sex anytime. It’s not like I’m waiting at the door or in bed when he gets home. Most days we have sex but it’s because I want to do it too. I love sex and enjoy it. There are days I’m not into it, or days he’s not into it, and that’s fine. We know how to self pleasure or wait a day.

He doesn’t expect anything from me. He’s an equal partner. I’m doing a little more while he’s busy working these hours, but he’s also done more on days or weeks that I’m busy.

Hmm, how much older is he than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these women. These women on here complain all day about men, but then whine how their husbands won’t support their lifestyle they feel their entitled to just because they become a starfish once a month or pop out babies. Most women on here do nothing but hate men and are very anti-men. Most are entitled woman who feel they’re owed something because they are a “ woman”. This is all coming from a woman. Do what works for you. I suggest reddit or other sites if you want real advice.

I agree that DCUM is generally terrible for advice, but I don’t think all the women are man haters who feel entitled because they “starfish” (gross, btw. Have some class).

I think OP actually got some decent help. But OP also seems to be back tracking, in the original post is said “he’s definitely more irritable and crabby”, and when people pointed out that’s a problem, suddenly she changed it to no, he’s not grouchy or mean.

There’s really nothing OP can do besides what she’s doing already. She can ask him what he needs and provide it, but there isn’t some magic phrase or act of service that will instantly zap away all his stress.

[Anonymous]

Try to understand the deadlines involved and see if he can snap out if it once the projects are over.

Simultaneously, try to find out if he admits how stressful his job is and how long he plans to stay in the same function and industry. Forever? Or is he paying his dues.

Go out with your friends more when he goes on a work bender.

Did your parents have this sort of relationship and dynamic? Dad works all the time and Mon does everything? Do you want this?

Agree: exercise, eat healthy, sleep as much as possible, talk it out when ready, have something to look forward to, draw healthy boundaries with work (no emailing at dinner or from 7-8pm, no 5 min response time, etc.)

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Does he offer emotional support or have decent verbal communication style with your usually?

Does he seem mature or just mimicking others or you?

Does he have any interests or hobbies?, or man only tag along with others’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not responsible for his happiness. And if he cannot handle stress now — wait until you are married with a toddler, a baby and aging parents. If he cannot figure this out now, it doesn’t bode well.

+1, work won’t get less stressful and there is no newborn to occupy you while he has corral the toddler. I would love to have a stressful 11 hour day and then come home to a supportive partner trying to reduce my stress- that seems like zen

OP here. We don’t want kids.

Interesting. Well that’s good I guess if this is the current dynamic and track.

Please still build your own activities, support groups, friend groups, hobbies, interests and goals.

[Anonymous]

I have a high stress job and when I am working 12-14 hour days, my husband takes on the mental load of everything else for me. He makes sure I have clean clothes in my closet, food in the fridge, he feeds the kids and takes them to their activities. He makes sure bills are paid, cars are registers and in good repair, and the house is maintained. Basically all I do is work, exercise, show up for meals, and spend some quality time with the kids each day.

I guess that is what a lot of stay at home wives do all the time. Thankfully my husband only does it a few months a year and the rest of the time I can contribute as an equal partner since we both work full time.

One thing for me is that it is hard to adjust to a more normal schedule once the craziness subsides. The big deadline may be done, but it often takes me a few weeks to adjust physically and mentally to incorporate more fun activities and down time into my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couples massage or a spa day? A Sporting event like the Nats? Winery visits after hiking out in Charlottesville? A hot bath with bubbles/candles? A movie and take-out? Yoga Class? Kayaking or SUP on the Potomac? Visit to the National Art Museum? Good luck!

Agree. This will be your life without kids, try to enjoy the money during any breaks or just in your own. Don’t get lonely, he’s likely not. Work is fuel for some types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not responsible for his happiness. And if he cannot handle stress now — wait until you are married with a toddler, a baby and aging parents. If he cannot figure this out now, it doesn’t bode well.

+1, work won’t get less stressful and there is no newborn to occupy you while he has corral the toddler. I would love to have a stressful 11 hour day and then come home to a supportive partner trying to reduce my stress- that seems like zen

OP here. We don’t want kids.

Interesting. Well that’s good I guess if this is the current dynamic and track.

Please still build your own activities, support groups, friend groups, hobbies, interests and goals.

Why is it “ interesting” OP and her boyfriend don’t want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend works in finance and has been super stressed with work deadlines. He’s been working 11-12 hour days and he’s exhausted. He hadn’t been mad, but he’s definitely more irritable and crabby. I’ve been just trying my eta to be supportive but I really don’t know how besides making sure he has something to eat and sex. He doesn’t really want to talk about it and I get it. How can I let him know I’m here for him and how to relax?

So you do all the domestic work, make meals, keep house, maybe worn at your own job? He goes to work, eats delivered food on company dine, works 8-8, and comes home to BJ and a ready to play sex kitten? He will only get worse with age. All the IB folks I knew thrived on the long hours, partied a bit at end of work day, it was a very gung ho culture. It sounds like he wasn’t built for it, which is fine, but he will need to pivot careers before they do it for him.

OP here. No. This is a stressful time but that doesn’t mean I do everything all of the time. He’s doing the job of 3 people. He loves his job and has been doing it for over 10 years.

We usually trade off on dinner and cleaning. If I cook, he cleans up after dinner and vice versa. Most days we cook together and clean together. We are both clean the rest of the house.

He works from home and eats what we have at home.

He doesn’t get sex anytime. It’s not like I’m waiting at the door or in bed when he gets home. Most days we have sex but it’s because I want to do it too. I love sex and enjoy it. There are days I’m not into it, or days he’s not into it, and that’s fine. We know how to self pleasure or wait a day.

He doesn’t expect anything from me. He’s an equal partner. I’m doing a little more while he’s busy working these hours, but he’s also done more on days or weeks that I’m busy.

It sounds like you have a great relationship, so why on earth are you asking us what he needs to relax? You should know what helps him relax. Or, if not, ask him.