I hate my girlfriends mother

[Anonymous]

Haha. Paragraph 2 “her” refers to the subject in paragraph 1x OP’s GF.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think leaving an abusive drunk can be characterized as flitting away because you "don't want that lifestyle anymore ". What's amazing to me is that the GF and her siblings apparently have a better relationship with their father who was jailed for abuse than they do with the mother who abandoned them to him.

OP, your GF needs extensive therapy to come up with good boundaries for everyone in her family of origin. If you love her, you should support her in that, but go in eyes wide open. Personally I would want to have a lot of premarital counseling about how you and she intend to protect your nuclear family from her family of origin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think leaving an abusive drunk can be characterized as flitting away because you "don't want that lifestyle anymore ". What's amazing to me is that the GF and her siblings apparently have a better relationship with their father who was jailed for abuse than they do with the mother who abandoned them to him.

OP, your GF needs extensive therapy to come up with good boundaries for everyone in her family of origin. If you love her, you should support her in that, but go in eyes wide open. Personally I would want to have a lot of premarital counseling about how you and she intend to protect your nuclear family from her family of origin.

I didn’t say she flitted away because she didn’t like the lifestyle she chose. I said she abandoned her kids (to an abusive drunk) because she didn’t like the lifestyle she chose. I’m not saying she shouldn’t leave an abusive spouse. I’m saying she shouldn’t have abandoned her children, leaving them with an abuser with addiction problems. She chose her spouse and to have multiple children with him, then when she couldn’t deal with it anymore she left them all. The children didn’t choose that situation and couldn’t leave when they had had enough.

The fact that they have a better relationship with their dad speaks volumes about how bad their mom must be/have been.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a vile human being.

Don’t engage. It really isn’t hard. If you do absolutely have to speak with her, make short statements of fact that cannot be argued or misconstrued. If you need to communicated about dates or times, always send email or text so that she can’t play dumb.

If she tries to throw you under the bus or lie/exaggerate anything or any situation that you are connected to, in front of others, come back with short blunt facts in a non emotional tone. When you do that once it will not be an issue any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.

OP here. She has been the exact opposite and I don’t think she will ever turn into her mother.

Women do very often turn into their mothers. It’s a wide world out there. Don’t settle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.

OP here. She has been the exact opposite and I don’t think she will ever turn into her mother.

Women do very often turn into their mothers. It’s a wide world out there. Don’t settle.

There is no such thing as the perfect partner. Marrying somebody who could potentially change for the worse is not settling. We all run that risk when we marry.

[Anonymous]

My mother is not an awful human being, but she is dysfunctional and dramatic and it is hard being around her. DH just isn’t around her much and it isn’t hard. When I visit I usually do it alone and when she visits DH just works a lot. He’s civil but keeps his distance. It’s not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is not an awful human being, but she is dysfunctional and dramatic and it is hard being around her. DH just isn’t around her much and it isn’t hard. When I visit I usually do it alone and when she visits DH just works a lot. He’s civil but keeps his distance. It’s not a big deal.

Oh, and I am not going to be like her. Since I was a little kid I looked at her and thought "I will not grow up to be like her" and so many of my choices, large and small, have been made with that end in mind. Like, when I don't feel like cleaning, I remember that leaving dishes in the sink is something my mom would do and so I clean. I did well in school, I married somebody who isn't particularly exciting but very emotionally stable, I read parenting books all the time, etc. Not wanting to be like my mom is a huge motivator for me.

[Anonymous]

A lot of yall are really rude jeez

[Anonymous]

I had a GF whose partners were racists. I remember having dinner with them in their home and her mother referred to blacks as spearchuckers. I was stunned but remained silent and vowed never to return. We broke up a few months later. She had a very difficult relationship with her mother eventually leading her to being hospitalized for depression. I really loved her but I knew I’d be at war with her parents. I was only 22 but I knew it was time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are so great together but I can’t stand her mother. She is the Debbie downer in every situation. She’s constantly complaining, yelling, and gossiping. She is very two faced amen constantly gossiping and talks badly about people. Shes kind of that person who calls everyone else hateful and immature, but doesn’t see that she is just like that. She is very belittling to her husband. My girlfriend had a strained relationship with her mom because of this. She has said many times she wants to move to another state and have as little contact with her as possible. She also does not want her involved with future kids because she is horrible. She is also very threatened by the close relationship my girlfriend has with my mom. I love my girlfriend and intend on marrying her and having a great future together, but how do I deal with a less than ideal in-law?

You also sound like her mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.

I've seen the opposite. It can go both ways. Just like very simple parents having most complicated kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.

OP here. She has been the exact opposite and I don’t think she will ever turn into her mother.

Ok so you don't need our advice everything will be fine. Enjoy your move out of state , your kids, and only seeing your side of the family.

He didn't ask if he should marry her or not. He wants to protect her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of yall are really rude jeez

Is that your go to phrase.

[Anonymous]

Good chance she will morph into her mother over time. I am living with it now. Always pointed out all the crazy stuff her mom did. Now she does the exact same things.