Anyone married to an immigrant who prefers his home country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so much patronizing. "it's in his head" "he is missing his childhood" yada yada. does it ever occur to you people that there is some other place in this world that actually provides better quality of life, all things considered?

i am an immigrant and so is my husband. oner of the relatively poorer european countries. i have lived in the US for 20+ years and here is the thing - the life is now actually better in our old country. this is not in my head, i am not imagining that i will be a child again eating my mom's meals and playing with my childhood friends. actual americans (with no prior connections) are moving there and marveling at the quality of life.

the US has grown stagnant while many countries in the world have moved forward. many advantages of living in the US do not hold anymore, for many reasons. and since you are going to ask - yes, i have in fact gone back. to a leisurely pace of life where all neighborhoods are walkable, there is almost no crime, and i can send kids to the nearest school where they will be taught rigorous programs for free.

The vast majority of posters agreed with OP’s husband.

What’s stopping you from returning to your utopia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so much patronizing. "it's in his head" "he is missing his childhood" yada yada. does it ever occur to you people that there is some other place in this world that actually provides better quality of life, all things considered?

i am an immigrant and so is my husband. oner of the relatively poorer european countries. i have lived in the US for 20+ years and here is the thing - the life is now actually better in our old country. this is not in my head, i am not imagining that i will be a child again eating my mom's meals and playing with my childhood friends. actual americans (with no prior connections) are moving there and marveling at the quality of life.

the US has grown stagnant while many countries in the world have moved forward. many advantages of living in the US do not hold anymore, for many reasons. and since you are going to ask - yes, i have in fact gone back. to a leisurely pace of life where all neighborhoods are walkable, there is almost no crime, and i can send kids to the nearest school where they will be taught rigorous programs for free.

The vast majority of posters agreed with OP’s husband.

What’s stopping you from returning to your utopia?

+1

Why not move back?

[Anonymous]

My husband is French. Of course he thinks France is better. I love the United States, but I agree with my husband that France is an amazing place to live. We are going to retire there.

[Anonymous]

i anticipated this well-worn out question and already wrote that i have, in fact, moved back. and i know several other people in my circle who also moved back, or are seriously considering it, or nominally still live in the US but spend months at a time "working from home" from abroad.

[Anonymous]

I would never marry someone whose family lives far away, even within the US. Who wants to spend a lot of money and PTO visiting their inlaws? Or be pressured to move back there (I know this is not OP’s case.) No thanks.

[Anonymous]

My stepmother is like this and it’s exhausting. Every visit, she drones on and on about how everything is better in her country. It’s been going on for 10 years and I don’t want to spend time with her anymore.

The vast majority of Americans live near family and friends. If you feel isolated here, it is because you made the choice to move here and isolate yourself. America is not a uniquely disconnected place. It only feels disconnected to you because of your circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepmother is like this, and it’s exhausting. Every visit, she drones on and on about how everything is better in her country. It’s been going on for 10 years and I don’t want to spend time with her anymore.

The vast majority of Americans live near family and friends. If you feel isolated here, it is because you made the choice to move here and isolate yourself. America is not a uniquely disconnected place. It only feels disconnected to you because of your circumstances.

Um, what? The vast majority of my college friends live far from family. It would help if you got out more. Americans are depressed because we don't have close friendships or functional relationships with our families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepmother is like this, and it’s exhausting. Every visit, she drones on and on about how everything is better in her country. It’s been going on for 10 years and I don’t want to spend time with her anymore.

The vast majority of Americans live near family and friends. If you feel isolated here, it is because you made the choice to move here and isolate yourself. America is not a uniquely disconnected place. It only feels disconnected to you because of your circumstances.

Um, what? The vast majority of my college friends live far from family. It would help if you got out more. Americans are depressed because we don't have close friendships or functional relationships with our families.

DP. Statistically, the majority of Americans live near their families. Most Americans (statistically) never leave their hometown even for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never marry someone whose family lives far away, even within the US. Who wants to spend a lot of money and PTO visiting their inlaws? Or be pressured to move back there (I know this is not OP’s case.) No thanks.

I suggest you marry your high school sweetheart then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i anticipated this well-worn out question and already wrote that i have, in fact, moved back. and i know several other people in my circle who also moved back, or are seriously considering it, or nominally still live in the US but spend months at a time "working from home" from abroad.

Which country is this?

[Anonymous]

I’m that immigrant. I miss living in my home country. I don’t fully fit in here (though I am from a Western European culture, and speak English fluently). I realize that also don’t fully fit in in my home country anymore, but I would love to experience raising my kids there for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never marry someone whose family lives far away, even within the US. Who wants to spend a lot of money and PTO visiting their inlaws? Or be pressured to move back there (I know this is not OP’s case.) No thanks.

That's how you become inbreds.

[Anonymous]

Anybody else love the fact that OP is flabbergasted that her DH misses not a nice European country, but a shitty 3rd world country like Mexico?

Ah, white people. Never change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband is married to an immigrant who prefers (understatement) her home country of Scotland. I would move back in a heartbeat.

+1. There is nothing about this country that’s better than Scotland in my opinion. I’m American and I’d move there if I could too.

My DD graduated from the University of Edinburg. She also dreams about moving back. Scotland is a magical place.

If you're white. I spent my childhood there. I know.

There's a whole continent for you just a bit under Scotland.

Move or quit whinning.

DP Just curious, is that the typical Scottish attitude? I'm not sure I liked the "love it or leave it" stance even from Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never marry someone whose family lives far away, even within the US. Who wants to spend a lot of money and PTO visiting their inlaws? Or be pressured to move back there (I know this is not OP’s case.) No thanks.

I come from a town where people marry their elementary school crushes. I am not joking. My mom and dad grew up on the same street. My mom and her current best friends went to preK together.

Moving to DC was a culture shock!!