Reply to Out of town friends (family of 6) want to visit. No room. Rude to suggest hotel?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No.

Are they really COMING TO VISIT YOU?

It sounds like they are coming to "your house as their free hotel" and visit your amenities.           I have a larger house and would not host a family of six who I did not extend the invitation to.  Nope.   [/quote]

OP here. This. Now how do I address it kindly?[/quote]

I told them our house is too small to host 6. Part of family can stay ( in retrospect was rude on my part.) But I thought the big kids would want to stay home (play sports, so practice,  etc). But she replied "they all want to come".

These are my friends. Husband feels they are taking advantage.

We take very good care of our house. Last time ( LONG time ago) they beat our house up pretty bad. DH can't let it go. Parents did nothing while they broke stuff.[/quote]
[/quote]

OP - I've been in your shoes before and I get it. We live within a short walk from the national mall/metros and have a pool, and we get frequent requests from friends and family to crash with us. We are busy with work and school and love to see people who are important to us, but also realized that we really just can't run a free air bnb.

Sometimes we gladly say yes to hosting people and that made me feel guilty about not hosting everyone within the same closeness of relationship. One of them was someone who I adore beyond pretty much any other person, and her children and husband. All super super sweet people, but oh my God when they stayed with us it makes it feel like 20 (instead of 4) extra people are in the space. Not to mention that one of their kids gets increasingly hyper the more tired they get, so after a long day out and about with them it was just too much to not have a space with peace and quiet to return to. They were quicker to respond to spills, complaints, etc. than your friends sound, but it's still stressful to have had what's usually more like a year's worth of accidents/messes happen in the span of a weekend. It really took away from the enjoyment of time with them.

I know that a hotel is expensive for them and I knew that telling them they'd need to stay in one when they visited would be hard, but I did it and am glad that I did. I don't think she liked hearing it, but I also know that it was nonetheless an ok thing for me to have done. I said what others have suggested (in a conversation, not by text).

It sounds like your worry is not so much about how to say it kindly, but how to say it without them having negative feelings about it. So if that's the case, it already sounds like you're plenty kind and it is ok to set that limit. They might not like hearing it, but if it does end up somehow damaging your connection with them, I really think that says more about them than you. You can love someone and still not owe them open use of your home whenever they want it.[/quote]

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