Out of the blue email

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just got out of the blue email from someone I had a relationship with 8y ago. Both married. “Misses talking.” How to respond?

Has this kind of thing happened to others here? I was so surprised, did not expect AT ALL.

He and his wife are having troubles, he's looking to cheat. It happens more than you think. WALK AWAY.

He wouldn’t be contacting OP unless he was divorced, separated, or looking to leave his marriage.

OP is separated.

Neither of them are divorced.

OP can ask the ex about current marital status. OP is separated—on the way to divorce already waiting for it to be final—that marriage is over…does not matter if the paper has not arrived in the mail yet at this point.

It matters to people who aren't tacky. And OP should do her own research into whether he's married or not, that is if she cares about being the OW, she might be tacky like you and not care at all.

It is not tacky. She is getting divorced. She can ask if he is single. btw, I did not date until I was divorced but I think it is fine if people do. The marriage is OVER. You basically have to live like you are divorced in many ways whlie separated anyway. My separation was YEARS long. Divorces can drag out.

Agree.

At OP’s stage of life, she doesn’t have time to wasted sleuthing around or playing games.

Just ask. Go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just got out of the blue email from someone I had a relationship with 8y ago. Both married. “Misses talking.” How to respond?

Has this kind of thing happened to others here? I was so surprised, did not expect AT ALL.

He and his wife are having troubles, he's looking to cheat. It happens more than you think. WALK AWAY.

He wouldn’t be contacting OP unless he was divorced, separated, or looking to leave his marriage.

OP is separated.

Neither of them are divorced.

OP can ask the ex about current marital status. OP is separated—on the way to divorce already waiting for it to be final—that marriage is over…does not matter if the paper has not arrived in the mail yet at this point.

It matters to people who aren't tacky. And OP should do her own research into whether he's married or not, that is if she cares about being the OW, she might be tacky like you and not care at all.

It is not tacky. She is getting divorced. She can ask if he is single. btw, I did not date until I was divorced but I think it is fine if people do. The marriage is OVER. You basically have to live like you are divorced in many ways whlie separated anyway. My separation was YEARS long. Divorces can drag out.

She's not divorced so she's still married dating or looking for dates while married is tacky.

You doing so just means you are tacky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just got out of the blue email from someone I had a relationship with 8y ago. Both married. “Misses talking.” How to respond?

Has this kind of thing happened to others here? I was so surprised, did not expect AT ALL.

He and his wife are having troubles, he's looking to cheat. It happens more than you think. WALK AWAY.

He wouldn’t be contacting OP unless he was divorced, separated, or looking to leave his marriage.

OP is separated.

Neither of them are divorced.

OP can ask the ex about current marital status. OP is separated—on the way to divorce already waiting for it to be final—that marriage is over…does not matter if the paper has not arrived in the mail yet at this point.

It matters to people who aren't tacky. And OP should do her own research into whether he's married or not, that is if she cares about being the OW, she might be tacky like you and not care at all.

It is not tacky. She is getting divorced. She can ask if he is single. btw, I did not date until I was divorced but I think it is fine if people do. The marriage is OVER. You basically have to live like you are divorced in many ways whlie separated anyway. My separation was YEARS long. Divorces can drag out.

She's not divorced so she's still married dating or looking for dates while married is tacky.

You doing so just means you are tacky

To YOU it is tacky. I waited until I was divorced but in hindsight it was ridiculous. You clearly have not been divorced. When you are waiting on a document to show up in the mail to say you are divorced it is OVER...there is no shred of a marriage left. You are literally just WAITING. So, keep your comments it is tacky to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I’m married not separated or anything and I don’t really see how you wait years while your divorce goes through…. Tacky seems like the wrong word here.

[Anonymous]

Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

These types of men are man babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

These types of men are man babies.

I'm the PP from above, and I completely agree. It's so weak and has damaged the attraction I had towards him. I wish these men knew how destructive their actions are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

These types of men are man babies.

I'm the PP from above, and I completely agree. It's so weak and has damaged the attraction I had towards him. I wish these men knew how destructive their actions are.

Well I’m the OP and my stbx has already dated two people exclusively and I’m not sure how many others for exploration. I’m not inclined to wait but I do need to know if John the emailer is free or cheating.

[Anonymous]

My prediction OP: he would love to date you, but it won’t be serious. He’s reaching out for attention, an ego boost, someone to control when the day to day demands of life make him feel pushed down and not in control. He may or may not admit to others publicly that he is seeing you. You’ll start to feel marginalized and resentful, while he gets his ego perked up by syphoning off some attention from you through your social media chats and occasional meet ups. I would keep your antennae up to see if that’s what’s going on, and if so, question whether you want to be some guy’s emotional crutch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I’m married not separated or anything and I don’t really see how you wait years while your divorce goes through…. Tacky seems like the wrong word here.

Only my grandmother still uses the word tacky Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

It does not sound as if you have any commitment to making your counseling a possible success. I am sure you can make the counseling a failure if you try hard enough.

Sucks for your innocent kids though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

These types of men are man babies.

I'm the PP from above, and I completely agree. It's so weak and has damaged the attraction I had towards him. I wish these men knew how destructive their actions are.

Well I’m the OP and my stbx has already dated two people exclusively and I’m not sure how many others for exploration. I’m not inclined to wait but I do need to know if John the emailer is free or cheating.

If he is dating, you are more than free to do so (please ignore Ms. Tacky).

Now if only you could find out if he’s actually separated.

[Anonymous]

Question is, is the email guy free now?

[Anonymous]

OP please tell us what you ended up doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

It does not sound as if you have any commitment to making your counseling a possible success. I am sure you can make the counseling a failure if you try hard enough.

Sucks for your innocent kids though.

Oh yes, I'm clearly the villain here. My disappointment that my husband's strategy of handling conflict is reaching out to an ex is clearly the problem, not, you know, the reaching out to an ex part.

As for the kids, they're why I called a counselor and not a moving truck. Nice try though.

Back to you OP, of course you deserve to know the emailing guy's story. Just ask, it's ok. If it's above board he'll be straight with you. I bring up this anecdote with my husband because these out of the blue messages often have a story behind them. Sounds like you've had enough of your own drama and don't need someone else's. Hopefully his intentions are good. Best of luck to you.