Out of the blue email

[Anonymous]

A similar situation here. DH says It started off as an “innocent” FB contact that ended up in an multi-year affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP I'll give you the perspective from the wife's part.

My H and I had a huge, terrible argument a few mos ago. Nearly ended us. That night he began reaching out to an old girlfriend. Mentioned nothing about us, our marriage, etc. Just "wanted to connect".

I found it, confronted him, he tried to pull the "it was just saying hello" excuse and I just said stop. Women all know what this crap means. We're in counseling, unclear where things will go.

But for you, know that there's likely a story like this behind the "miss talking" email. There's always an agenda. So write back if you like, but the fact that you're in a place to do so doesn't mean he is. And likely he's in the same place as my H, which isn't good. Who knows, my H may be on the market shortly. And if so, you're welcome to him.

It does not sound as if you have any commitment to making your counseling a possible success. I am sure you can make the counseling a failure if you try hard enough.

Sucks for your innocent kids though.

Thanks! And btw I got your back on this one, PP response above it nuts hostile for no reason.

Oh yes, I'm clearly the villain here. My disappointment that my husband's strategy of handling conflict is reaching out to an ex is clearly the problem, not, you know, the reaching out to an ex part.

As for the kids, they're why I called a counselor and not a moving truck. Nice try though.

Back to you OP, of course you deserve to know the emailing guy's story. Just ask, it's ok. If it's above board he'll be straight with you. I bring up this anecdote with my husband because these out of the blue messages often have a story behind them. Sounds like you've had enough of your own drama and don't need someone else's. Hopefully his intentions are good. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just got out of the blue email from someone I had a relationship with 8y ago. Both married. “Misses talking.” How to respond?

Has this kind of thing happened to others here? I was so surprised, did not expect AT ALL.

Yes, except a relationship from 14 years ago. We have been married 6 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss some of my exes. Some of them are pretty cool people, and it would be great to catch up every now and then. Doesn't mean I want to jump their bones (although I guess that would be fun too).

+1. Some of my past relationships didn’t work out largely because I felt more friendship than romance toward them. And I really do miss them — as friends. I have no interest at all in anything more. But I don’t reach out because people (as this thread proves) read too much into even pretty basic communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I’m married not separated or anything and I don’t really see how you wait years while your divorce goes through…. Tacky seems like the wrong word here.

Because some people make it difficult to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this happened to me. In my case it was because my long ago ex and his wife had just sent their kid off to college and he was experiencing empty nest syndrome. Instead of working on his marriage he sent me an email. It happens all the time. It’s NOT about missing you, it’s about the issues the person is having in their own marriage.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation but circumstances were different.

Never actually had a relationship with the guy but we were definitely work friends for a few years.

We worked at the same place but not the same department. I had already been divorced for a couple of years before I even met him but he was married. We never had a conversation where the topic was anything that our coworkers (nor even his wife) couldn't join in on. I wound up getting transferred and moved on. End of story, for me anyway.

A few years after my move I get an email from Friend out of the blue. He is now divorced. We begin spending time talking on the phone, exchanging e-mails daily. I had to go to his town for business and we got together a couple of times. Nothing physical but there was definitely mutual attraction.

Conversations continued once I got back home and he indicated he might make a trip in my direction to visit family. He had told them about me and said he'd like it if I would go and visit them too. Never wound up happening. Things started to cool. I eventually learned from him that he had begun dating someone locally. I wished him well and I shut the door on it.

Fast forward TEN years later and I get another email out of the blue. This time I've been in a committed relationship for eight years. I was NOT going down that road again with this guy. I gave him a very abrupt response and never heard from him again.

Not sure what he was thinking after ten years but it certainly was a strange one for my dating book history.