Handsy Teenage Boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to process why this is making you uncomfortable. Unless your daughter has asked for your help, it doesn’t sound problematic. Please sit with your thoughts.

I wouldn't gaslight OP here. A mother's gut is her best tool. Always trust it. Always.

Disagree. A lot of women who were molested as children have lost all perspective. I grew up tickled by my brother and uncles, flipped upside down by my uncles, sitting in my dad's lap, having sleepovers, playing tackle football with older cousins and their friends, and was all around in a handsy family where nobody abused anybody. When I got to the age where I didn't want to be flipped upside down when wearing a dress because my underwear would show, I told my mom who told my uncles and they stopped doing it when I was dressed up. She didn't freak out, nothing was viewed as inappropriate, and we all had a great time and as adults have excellent relationships now, and are raising our kids the same way.

Well, I was never molested but I think this 15yo’s behavior is inappropriate. If it was like once a day that would be fine, but it sounds more frequent than that. Also, were you flipped by your uncles at age 9?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say, in a loud, pleasant but serious voice (teacher voice): hey Pete, it’s not polite to poke other people. Let’s keep our hands to ourselves!

Then I’d keep a close eye on the kids.

Wow, way to shame the kid. Kids play this way. It's fine unless the daughter isn't comfortable with it, which she should tell her mom or dad.

I have two teen boys, and no, they don’t play this way with you get kids they don’t know well. Or anyone, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say, in a loud, pleasant but serious voice (teacher voice): hey Pete, it’s not polite to poke other people. Let’s keep our hands to ourselves!

Then I’d keep a close eye on the kids.

Wow, way to shame the kid. Kids play this way. It's fine unless the daughter isn't comfortable with it, which she should tell her mom or dad.

I have two teen boys, and no, they don’t play this way with you get kids they don’t know well. Or anyone, really.

A 15 year old boy should really not have any interest in a 9 year old girl, even more so with consistent touching and seeking her out. They arent socially, mentally, physically, or developmentally anywhere near equals. In the event of playing with known sibling, cousins, friends, etc. its different but tickling is one of those things that only mom/dad do in our family because we consistently let him know that he can say no or stop. Most kids will not feel they can say stop or no especially if its occurring in front of family and done by family- it feels innately approved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was similar when he was younger (under 10). He has ADHD and I don't know if it was trouble reading social cues or what, but combine that with inappropriate impulse control and it was a pain. He would not stop bugging his cousins with stupid stuff. (lord, ask me how he would not stop trying to lick his (male) cousin's arm). He doesn't do this now at 14 but it was a real issue for awhile. One we worked on consistently.

So my first thought was some sort of issue like ADHD or autism. Or just social awkwardness and not knowing how to interact with someone that age. Teen boys are often really immature.

The reason doesn't matter though. If op wants it to stop, it needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of those who think a mother’s gut is always right — I wonder how you would feel if this were your 15 year old son.

As a mom with boys, I would think it’s very weird if any of my teenaged sons were doing this to their cousins or any kid especially as old as 9. No need to be touching others like that.

+1. I wouldn't allow my son to play like that with a 9 year old because it doesn't matter who the kids are, it's not appropriate. It's my job to teach him stuff, I'm Mom.

OP you are 100 percent fine to interject when it happens. That way, your dd doesn't have to feel shy or awkward about it and everyone can just blame you if they think it's weird. At this age, with this age difference, it's ok to put a stop to it EVEN IF your dd doesn't seem to mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to process why this is making you uncomfortable. Unless your daughter has asked for your help, it doesn’t sound problematic. Please sit with your thoughts.

WRONG

OP you have an instinct follow it.

100% pull the teen aside and tell him to not touch your kid again, period. Make this very clear.

If he does tell his parents, if they don't stop it leave. Do not leave your kid anywhere near the teen, in other words never ever alone. Who gives a crap about family dynamics, your kid comes first. Your job is to protect your kid.

You are not overreacting.

Agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say, in a loud, pleasant but serious voice (teacher voice): hey Pete, it’s not polite to poke other people. Let’s keep our hands to ourselves!

Then I’d keep a close eye on the kids.

Wow, way to shame the kid. Kids play this way. It's fine unless the daughter isn't comfortable with it, which she should tell her mom or dad.

I have two teen boys, and no, they don’t play this way with you get kids they don’t know well. Or anyone, really.

Yeah, it's not typical, and it's NOT SHAMING him. It's telling. Teaching. And really, if he continues doing something to someone after he's been told to stop, he should be ashamed of himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was not abused as a child and I am a mom of 2 boys. Some of the responses on here are horrifying.
If my child/teen was doing something that was or could be perceived to be inappropriate, annoying, or creepy I would 100% want to know.
My or my son’s opinion about whether or not it was appropriate is irrelevant. No one has a right to touch another person.
The girl is 9yrs old. Anyone who says it’s ok if she doesn’t complain or speak up is wrong. She is 9 and away from home with people she doesn’t know well. She may be shy. She may be scared. She may not be able to articulate her feelings. I guarantee she is already indoctrinated by our backwards society that nice girls don’t cause trouble and that if you say once yes, you can’t say no in the future.

What is wrong with all you people who think this boy has some sort of a right to touch this girl? Why is touching needed or necessary in a cousin relationship? What is the impact if he doesn’t touch her? Is it somehow not as fun? I find it so strange that all these people think it’s ok and are defending the boy. So what if OP is overreacting or totally off base? It literally doesn’t matter. The boy (and all people) should keep their hands to themselves with people they don’t see often.

Yes I agree with you 1000 percent.

[Anonymous]

I have a son (8 years old) and have would have no hesitation to tell him to stop bothering his cousin. I’ve actually told him to stop being a creeper when he was watching his sister undress at the beach.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'd put a stop to it. I mean forget the touching -- a 15 year old even being interested in hanging out with a 9 year old? That's not normal (cue all the stories of - my special needs 20 year old LOVES 4 year olds bc they play legos together). Assuming he's mentally fine, it's totally abnormal. At that age - a 10th grader is going to ignore his little girl 4th grader cousin and have zero in common with her; or when he is forced to interact, he'll roll his eyes and play 1-2 games to make his parents/aunt happy while checking his phone the whole time. So yeah even without the touching the fact that he's even seeking her out to sit next to is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of those who think a mother’s gut is always right — I wonder how you would feel if this were your 15 year old son.

If my son did this, I’d tell him to cut it out because it’s not appropriate and people will think he’s a creep. Shrug. It’s not that hard. And a 15 year old is old enough to know this isn’t ok. Unless he’s completely sheltered and hasn’t hit puberty. Which is unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all physical contact is sexual, and you are setting your daughter up for a word of issues if you teach her to fear any physical contact from boys/men. If there is something specific about his contact that is sending up red flags, or if it seems to be making your daughter uncomfortable, then you should absolutely speak up. Otherwise, continue to talk to your daughter about her right to say no if someone’s touch makes her uncomfortable, but don’t teach her to fear all boys/men simply for being boys/men.

This. Also, not all boys are malicious, infact they are mostly oblivious. He cannot wrestle with her so he is tickling her. You said that it was not sexual and your DD enjoys the attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to process why this is making you uncomfortable. Unless your daughter has asked for your help, it doesn’t sound problematic. Please sit with your thoughts.

I wouldn't gaslight OP here. A mother's gut is her best tool. Always trust it. Always.

Disagree. A lot of women who were molested as children have lost all perspective. I grew up tickled by my brother and uncles, flipped upside down by my uncles, sitting in my dad's lap, having sleepovers, playing tackle football with older cousins and their friends, and was all around in a handsy family where nobody abused anybody. When I got to the age where I didn't want to be flipped upside down when wearing a dress because my underwear would show, I told my mom who told my uncles and they stopped doing it when I was dressed up. She didn't freak out, nothing was viewed as inappropriate, and we all had a great time and as adults have excellent relationships now, and are raising our kids the same way.

Well, I was never molested but I think this 15yo’s behavior is inappropriate. If it was like once a day that would be fine, but it sounds more frequent than that. Also, were you flipped by your uncles at age 9?

I'm pretty sure we were all flipped over until we were around 10 or 11 and one of us hit the ceiling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just say “hey, cousin larlo, I know you are a tickler but larla’s not up for being tickled. You could go kick the soccer ball around outside, though!” Obviously you’ll have to talk to your daughter about it first. I would definitely put a halt to it because it’s much more likely this is a clueless immature kid than a creeper. And keep in mind he’s a kid too so assuming it IS innocent the last thing you want to do is shame an awkward teenager.

This won't make sense to the teen because she does actually seem to like it. Mom needs to say that she (mom) won't allow it. It also gives the dd more power. He can ignore her if she says no, but if she says "Hey, stop it, my mom said you can't do that" he'll be more likely to stop.

[Anonymous]

What are the parents doing? I would be mortified.