Staying in the room at the pediatrician

[Anonymous]

I started leaving at 12. I like that they're alone with a physician--there may be things that they're not telling me (about sexuality, etc) that they'll tell the doctor.

[Anonymous]

Youths are sexual beings (as are we). They should talk about sexual health with a medical professional. They aren't going to open up in front of mommy. Some of you who refuse to leave already know this, thus you don't leave. You want your teenagers to be sexless babies forever.

[Anonymous]

Mommies get a grip. No one is saying your pediatrician is going to become your child's bestie and he will magically open up about sex, gay thoughts, and drug use in the 3 min he gets alone with the dr. I don't even think it's important if a kid opens up to a dr. or not -- that's not the non parent adult they're going to for help in real life -- but I do think 12 or 13 year olds deserve privacy as much as you do. Do you like people in an exam room staring at you when the dr checks your breasts or you must spread your legs? Honestly do you like it even for innocuous things like checking your abdomen? Do you normally invite your DH and your mommy to watch? If not then why not give your kids that same respect? And if you can't trust your ped alone with your kid for an entire physical that takes 10 min max, start looking for another dr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mommies get a grip. No one is saying your pediatrician is going to become your child's bestie and he will magically open up about sex, gay thoughts, and drug use in the 3 min he gets alone with the dr. I don't even think it's important if a kid opens up to a dr. or not -- that's not the non parent adult they're going to for help in real life -- but I do think 12 or 13 year olds deserve privacy as much as you do. Do you like people in an exam room staring at you when the dr checks your breasts or you must spread your legs? Honestly do you like it even for innocuous things like checking your abdomen? Do you normally invite your DH and your mommy to watch? If not then why not give your kids that same respect? And if you can't trust your ped alone with your kid for an entire physical that takes 10 min max, start looking for another dr.

THIS. I HATE anyone else being in the exam room with me besides the dr. Like I hate it when they insist on having a nurse or a med student or some pre med scribe taking notes so they don't have to type on the computer. Yet those people I put up with because they're staff. But to have anyone I know!? No thanks. It's a vulnerable position to be in a robe or even just have someone you hardly know -- or see 1x/yr -- lifting your clothes up. So why would I think my 14 year old would like having me there? Guess what moms a lot of your kids who are asked in front of you whether they want mom to leave are just saying it's ok stay because they know they have to deal with you on the car ride home with the -- you made me leave; WHY; what's the big deal; what did you tell the dr. blah blah.

I understand for kids they need a parent there because they don't always know family history or even their own history/meds etc., yet for the actual exam for a 14+ year old kid?? Give me a break, they can handle that alone with the dr. and then the parent can return to discuss findings/necessary shots etc.

[Anonymous]

Our practice starts at 14.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised at so many being ok with kids alone. We were at the doctor today and they offered an escort even with a parent if you wanted. As a female, when I go to the doctor, any exam with a mail where its more than just ears/basics there is always a female escort in there. It is not only to protect the patient but also doctor as an accusation can ruin a doctors career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mommies get a grip. No one is saying your pediatrician is going to become your child's bestie and he will magically open up about sex, gay thoughts, and drug use in the 3 min he gets alone with the dr. I don't even think it's important if a kid opens up to a dr. or not -- that's not the non parent adult they're going to for help in real life -- but I do think 12 or 13 year olds deserve privacy as much as you do. Do you like people in an exam room staring at you when the dr checks your breasts or you must spread your legs? Honestly do you like it even for innocuous things like checking your abdomen? Do you normally invite your DH and your mommy to watch? If not then why not give your kids that same respect? And if you can't trust your ped alone with your kid for an entire physical that takes 10 min max, start looking for another dr.

It depends on the person. I preferred my mom or dad in the room as a teen. My preteen prefers us in the room and they don't care. I would prefer one of us in the room as its safety for the child if someone is touching a child's privates.

[Anonymous]

This gradual phasing myself out of the visit was part of teaching my kid to advocate for their own wellbeing and healthcare...along with all the stuff about privacy and having another trusted adult to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This gradual phasing myself out of the visit was part of teaching my kid to advocate for their own wellbeing and healthcare...along with all the stuff about privacy and having another trusted adult to talk to.

This makes the most sense when it's directed by a parent in the interests of the child. How else can one model this except to model it?

However, I feel putting THE PROFESSIONAL in charge of when this takes place, this transition of power, is really the opposite of teaching the kid to advocate for their wellbeing, or at least potentially that is what it can be.

[Anonymous]

You need to be careful. As a teen in college I went and a doctor insisted on a breast exam when I was there for something else. It felt wrong but I was not comfortable saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember a friend of mine with a daughter turning 12 or 13 saying that she was asked about her sexual orientation during the "parent out of the room" portion of the exam. The question to her was, apparently "Do you like boys, or girls, or both?"

Frankly, why is this assumed to be a concern for the pediatrician? Why is it assumed that they are going to beable to do jack squat if that kids orientation is a problem with their parents? What are they going to do, call social services because the patient cant tell mom they are gay?

I get that its a good thing to have trusted adults that arent your parents, but the choice of pediatrician is strange to me. They arent psychologists or social workers. They cant do anything to help their patient with their psychological issues if the kid cant be honest with their parent. Because if there is a problem with the kid and their parents, the pediatirician telling the parent your kid needs counseling would be not a good idea. Right?

What are we thinking here?

Are you really this dumb that you don't realize that advice on sex will differ based on the answer the teen gives? That's a medical issue. SMH.

Are you really its dumb that you don't realize advice on sex will differ based on whether the teen feels FREE to answer? You are kind of making my whole point for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This gradual phasing myself out of the visit was part of teaching my kid to advocate for their own wellbeing and healthcare...along with all the stuff about privacy and having another trusted adult to talk to.

This makes the most sense when it's directed by a parent in the interests of the child. How else can one model this except to model it?

However, I feel putting THE PROFESSIONAL in charge of when this takes place, this transition of power, is really the opposite of teaching the kid to advocate for their wellbeing, or at least potentially that is what it can be.

PP you're quoting. I get that, but uh, you've read some of these responses. Some folks need a push.

[Anonymous]

I ask (pre)teens if they want me in the room for the physical exam, but if I'm not, I want a nurse in there with them. I make sure I'm in there for the beginning, in case there are questions that I need to ask with the (pre)teen present, but otherwise, they are in charge of their body, and I'm just on the other side of the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every family has different comfort levels around nudity. Some walk around starkers. Some are always fully clothed. I do think the bigger point is that the kids need to know they have another trusted adult to talk to if they don't want to talk to mom and dad. Just like their pastor, teachers, counselor, etc.

This. But they also need to understand that the adult who is supposed to protect them may be the very same adult who tries to hurt them, and they HAVE to be able to advocate for themselves. There is never a reason to be alone in a room with an adult. Even with a doctor, they can have a parent, nurse, another child, or another trusted adult there, and the person is THEIR choice, not anyone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised at so many being ok with kids alone. We were at the doctor today and they offered an escort even with a parent if you wanted. As a female, when I go to the doctor, any exam with a mail where its more than just ears/basics there is always a female escort in there. It is not only to protect the patient but also doctor as an accusation can ruin a doctors career.

Seriously? My GP is a man, and I’m always alone with him when I get my physical. If you don’t trust your doctor not to molest you, maybe find another doctor?