Marriage is miserable: why does everyone want to get married?

[Anonymous]

My marriage is great and I have seen some really wonderful marriages among my relatives. I do think that immature people attract drama and marry poor partners. I have seen miserable marriages too.

One thing people should do is not have kids children rightawy when they get married. We had our DC after 5 yrs of marriage and it was great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage is great and I have seen some really wonderful marriages among my relatives. I do think that immature people attract drama and marry poor partners. I have seen miserable marriages too.

One thing people should do is not have kids children rightawy when they get married. We had our DC after 5 yrs of marriage and it was great.

And when the marriage doesn’t give them their drama fix anymore—partner gets fed up with their shit, they introduce drama into their lives with affairs and such. Emotionally immature and stunted people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know some people are happy forever. But I’ve been with my husband for 26 years (not all of them married but got together young) and it has really lost its luster. I have a great husband, but honestly he bores me. A lot of the time, I wish I could live alone. Not like never see him...but have my own place. Have more autonomy. I basically went from living with my parents to living with my husband. Perhaps when our kid goes to college in a few years, we will reevaluate what our lives look like. I love my husband and would be kind of lost without him but am also completely bored with him at this point.

This is an internal issue with you, more than it has anything to do with your marriage.

[Anonymous]

How is anyone supposed to raise normal kids without marriage? I mean, people try to raise kids alone - sure. But it rarely works out well for the kid.

I feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

I love being married. My husband is awesome. A true partner. We have so much fun together! Everything is better with him.

Not everyone has your marriage, OP.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is kind of a neutral good. It has a function. I think if you find yourself disliking marriage as a concept, the issue might be that it does not serve a function for you right now. Maybe you don't have kids or kids are grown. Maybe pooling resources is not valuable to you. Maybe companionship isn't something you currently seek. But that's not the fault of marriage. That's just your circumstances.

Now relationships? Those can be miserable. But a miserable relationship is not made more miserable due to marriage. Divorce is always an option. You can always walk away. If you are miserable in your relationship, you either have to figure out how to fix it or figure out how to leave it. The existence of a marriage will dictate how much paperwork is involved, but that's about it.

[Anonymous]

Because most marriages aren't miserable? LOL

What a question.

[Anonymous]

Like everything else in life, less than half are good, the rest are either average or crappy.

It is like searching for the Holy Grail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone obsessed with getting married?

Are you married and miserable? I'm married and not miserable so it is possible. ( going on 27 years)

[Anonymous]

I hate being married. Everyone else was getting married and I thought I had to too. I can't wait for my DC to grow up so I can get back to being on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else in life, less than half are good, the rest are either average or crappy.

It is like searching for the Holy Grail.

Not the case in my family. no divorces...and people genuinely seem very happy. We have a lot of extended family get togethers (or did until covid). Everyone comes out for bday milestones and weddings, etc. They help out when a relative is in need, circle the wagons.

I had a great childhood and witnessed a great love between my parents.

I think personal circumstances come into play.

51 and married 22 years.

[Anonymous]

Just stay on Tinder, or get a divorce so you can go back to Tinder.

[Anonymous]

This is a you issue. My marriage is great and 95% of my friends' marriages. Instead of assuming all marriages are bad, I'd take the time to figure out why YOUR marriage is.

[Anonymous]

Because for the average person single parenthood is a path to poverty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always think that—if you thought about your best friend from HS or college or your 20s and then imagine you had to live with them for the rest of your life and make all decisions jointly...you would say “no way! That’s crazy!”
All that plus sex is a lot to put on one relationship. It’s no wonder that it fails 40% of the time, and is fairly miserable in about half of the rest.

Actually, occasionally I have a fleeting thought that marriage has all the fun of a nonstop slumber party (and a lot more benefits than that, haha) -- but I cherish the closeness and intimacy of being there for each other, year after year. We are extremely compatible and know each other well, yet he still manages to surprise me and make me think on a daily basis. I admire him deeply ... the kindest person I know, a strong work ethic, the kind of man that babies and dogs and cats are just naturally drawn to. He's just a ray of sunshine in the world basically, and I get to live with him! (Married almost 21 years.)