Why are men on dating apps losers?

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy. The women I know that have been most successful finding long-term or marriage partners from dating apps have focused on shared interests and values more than looks, professions and such. You can focus on fit and good looking guys, but the ones that are on dating apps are frequently flawed partners. There's a reason these guys are on dating apps.

So, one woman ended up with a guy who she normally wouldn't have given a second look to, but instead found someone who had a similar background, care for her a great deal and shared some interests. He wasn't a looker, but he was a good guy (he happens to be my best friend). They've been married for 15 years now. Another woman I know is a professional and she found a guy whose background was as a construction worker. But he was a hard worker but they bought a fixer upper and he rebuilt most of their house himself, he was willing to be a SAHD when their kids were young and after they were old enough, he took some computer courses and ended up getting a job as a computer tech. He never made as much money as she did, but she made plenty and she found a great partner outside of her normal field of guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Buy 3 new outfits. Cute ones. Hire a professional photographer. Get your hair and makeup done professionally.

No, no, no. Don’t look high maintenance. Do get a friend to take your picture though. No selfies.

Silly. No woman is getting rejected on a dating app by quality professional men for looking too put together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Buy 3 new outfits. Cute ones. Hire a professional photographer. Get your hair and makeup done professionally.

No, no, no. Don’t look high maintenance. Do get a friend to take your picture though. No selfies.

Silly. No woman is getting rejected on a dating app by quality professional men for looking too put together.

Professional pics are the calling card of fake profiles. It's ok to have one but you need casual ones as well or your profile seems fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any trouble attracting professional men. I have dates with two physicians this weekend. They can definitely sniff out who wants them for their money and prestige, and aren’t interested in those women. I make my own money, and I’m very feminist, so the last thing I want is a man’s money. They appreciate that.

What’s more challenging is finding men who will be equal partners and make me a priority. The problem with the professional men is that their career will always come first, no exceptions. I’m not really interested in that. I’d rather be with someone who makes less but is a good partner.

What do you think makes you attractive to professional men?

I treat them like human beings and not ATMs. I don’t like it when men objectify me and pursue me for sex, so I don’t objectify them and pursue them for money.

I have a career of my own and I’m low maintenance/laid back. I have a sense of humor. I ask them to go hiking for dates instead of a fancy dinner or drinks. I don’t try to jump through hoops in a desperate attempt to get a rich man to want me.

For sure not all guys are into me. There are plenty who want more of a trophy, and that’s not me.

Basically just be a good, kind person.

What happened with these guys to where you’re still looking online?

I'm super picky

I have a fulfilling, rewarding life. If I'm going to commit to someone, they need to add to my life, but I find most men take away from it.

Time to start cat shopping. Have you visited your local animal rescue shelter to see what's on offer?

[Anonymous]

OP, tell us more about the selfies of yourself?

And, either+or, neither+nor.

Meow

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who would be perfect for you, be he is widowed 59 year old and lives in Colorado.

Along with the picture advice, emphasize the outdoorsy aspect as well as reading / books. Lots of outdoorsy guys out there. Also consider broadening your pool to include surrounding counties where outdoorsy professional single feds can afford to live.

[Anonymous]

I am fir and attractive. I get told I look 26 all the time. I am feminine and a great cook. I have a high libido. I am well read, well traveled and enjoy the simple things in life.

The fit and attractive women on OLD get attention all the time. And they get hit on by everyone, losers and winners alike.

If you are not getting the attention you want, it is because

You do not have a good profile (hint: statements like "I enjoy the simple things" are a turn-off. Try listing specific hobbies you enjoy.)
You are a 6(-) and believe you should only receive interest from 8(+) type men. Stay in your lane and enjoy life there.
You are batshit crazy and being "a great cook" = cooking rabbit stew on an ex-boyfriend's range.

[Anonymous]

Are you in the DC area or posting from somewhere else? Because I'm a 43 year old divorced female and have had no trouble finding quality men. Granted, there are TONS of crazies on there too (I once had a guy bring his mom with him on our first meeting/date).

I don't use professional photos on my profile, either. You need to include a range of pictures including at least one full body shot or men will assume you are obese. The full body shot does not need to be sexy. Just show your shape.

Include some key details about your deal-breakers, but not a laundry list. I indicate in mine that I have 2 kids, am not going to have more, and am not looking for marriage. That weeds out all those who are specifically looking for those things.

If you DO want to have kids, that could be your issue. A lot of men in this age group already did that and are not looking for more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any trouble attracting professional men. I have dates with two physicians this weekend. They can definitely sniff out who wants them for their money and prestige, and aren’t interested in those women. I make my own money, and I’m very feminist, so the last thing I want is a man’s money. They appreciate that.

What’s more challenging is finding men who will be equal partners and make me a priority. The problem with the professional men is that their career will always come first, no exceptions. I’m not really interested in that. I’d rather be with someone who makes less but is a good partner.

What do you think makes you attractive to professional men?

I treat them like human beings and not ATMs. I don’t like it when men objectify me and pursue me for sex, so I don’t objectify them and pursue them for money.

I have a career of my own and I’m low maintenance/laid back. I have a sense of humor. I ask them to go hiking for dates instead of a fancy dinner or drinks. I don’t try to jump through hoops in a desperate attempt to get a rich man to want me.

For sure not all guys are into me. There are plenty who want more of a trophy, and that’s not me.

Basically just be a good, kind person.

What happened with these guys to where you’re still looking online?

I'm super picky

I have a fulfilling, rewarding life. If I'm going to commit to someone, they need to add to my life, but I find most men take away from it.

I say this with all kindness, but the guys on dating apps aren't the problem. I absolutely agree that many men aren't good for you but in the end you only have to make it work with one (1). Your pickiness at an age and state of life where no one can afford to be picky proves you don't *really* want to be with a man in any serious manner, which is perfectly okay--it's your life, but you're going to have to own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in the DC area or posting from somewhere else? Because I'm a 43 year old divorced female and have had no trouble finding quality men. Granted, there are TONS of crazies on there too (I once had a guy bring his mom with him on our first meeting/date).

I don't use professional photos on my profile, either. You need to include a range of pictures including at least one full body shot or men will assume you are obese. The full body shot does not need to be sexy. Just show your shape.

Include some key details about your deal-breakers, but not a laundry list. I indicate in mine that I have 2 kids, am not going to have more, and am not looking for marriage. That weeds out all those who are specifically looking for those things.

If you DO want to have kids, that could be your issue. A lot of men in this age group already did that and are not looking for more.

LOL! Why. What was he reasoning? How did you respond? Too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any trouble attracting professional men. I have dates with two physicians this weekend. They can definitely sniff out who wants them for their money and prestige, and aren’t interested in those women. I make my own money, and I’m very feminist, so the last thing I want is a man’s money. They appreciate that.

What’s more challenging is finding men who will be equal partners and make me a priority. The problem with the professional men is that their career will always come first, no exceptions. I’m not really interested in that. I’d rather be with someone who makes less but is a good partner.

What do you think makes you attractive to professional men?

I treat them like human beings and not ATMs. I don’t like it when men objectify me and pursue me for sex, so I don’t objectify them and pursue them for money.

I have a career of my own and I’m low maintenance/laid back. I have a sense of humor. I ask them to go hiking for dates instead of a fancy dinner or drinks. I don’t try to jump through hoops in a desperate attempt to get a rich man to want me.

For sure not all guys are into me. There are plenty who want more of a trophy, and that’s not me.

Basically just be a good, kind person.

What happened with these guys to where you’re still looking online?

I'm super picky

I have a fulfilling, rewarding life. If I'm going to commit to someone, they need to add to my life, but I find most men take away from it.

I say this with all kindness, but the guys on dating apps aren't the problem. I absolutely agree that many men aren't good for you but in the end you only have to make it work with one (1). Your pickiness at an age and state of life where no one can afford to be picky proves you don't *really* want to be with a man in any serious manner, which is perfectly okay--it's your life, but you're going to have to own it.

PP here, and yup, that's pretty much it!

I have a great life with amazing relationships. I have purpose, meaning, and a career I love. I'm okay with using a sperm donor for having children, and outsourcing as needed.

I want to surround myself with people that lift me up and empower me, which is what my friends and family do. If I find a man who can do that, I'm happy to be in a relationship with them. But so far, I haven't found any that do it at the level I require. And life's way too short to waste time on people who drag you down.

In the meantime, I have fun dating. I like meeting new people and having new experiences. I'm certainly not bitter about not finding the perfect man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking at 35-42 range as a 34 year old woman.

SO disappointing. I don't even have a cat!

Where are the normal, well-to-do, professional ones?

Honestly, you make me want to join one just so I would look more appealing relative to the competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any trouble attracting professional men. I have dates with two physicians this weekend. They can definitely sniff out who wants them for their money and prestige, and aren’t interested in those women. I make my own money, and I’m very feminist, so the last thing I want is a man’s money. They appreciate that.

What’s more challenging is finding men who will be equal partners and make me a priority. The problem with the professional men is that their career will always come first, no exceptions. I’m not really interested in that. I’d rather be with someone who makes less but is a good partner.

What do you think makes you attractive to professional men?

I treat them like human beings and not ATMs. I don’t like it when men objectify me and pursue me for sex, so I don’t objectify them and pursue them for money.

I have a career of my own and I’m low maintenance/laid back. I have a sense of humor. I ask them to go hiking for dates instead of a fancy dinner or drinks. I don’t try to jump through hoops in a desperate attempt to get a rich man to want me.

For sure not all guys are into me. There are plenty who want more of a trophy, and that’s not me.

Basically just be a good, kind person.

What happened with these guys to where you’re still looking online?

I'm super picky

I have a fulfilling, rewarding life. If I'm going to commit to someone, they need to add to my life, but I find most men take away from it.

I say this with all kindness, but the guys on dating apps aren't the problem. I absolutely agree that many men aren't good for you but in the end you only have to make it work with one (1). Your pickiness at an age and state of life where no one can afford to be picky proves you don't *really* want to be with a man in any serious manner, which is perfectly okay--it's your life, but you're going to have to own it.

PP here, and yup, that's pretty much it!

I have a great life with amazing relationships. I have purpose, meaning, and a career I love. I'm okay with using a sperm donor for having children, and outsourcing as needed.

I want to surround myself with people that lift me up and empower me, which is what my friends and family do. If I find a man who can do that, I'm happy to be in a relationship with them. But so far, I haven't found any that do it at the level I require. And life's way too short to waste time on people who drag you down.

In the meantime, I have fun dating. I like meeting new people and having new experiences. I'm certainly not bitter about not finding the perfect man.

You sound incredibly high maintenance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not encountering them on the apps you're not their type. I had no problem finding and dating nice/normal professional men, now engaged to one who I met on Tinder.

What do you offer?

Op here. This came across as unnecessarily snarky? How do you know I am not their type?

Not PP, but how do you know men on dating apps are losers?

The ones I match with are overweight or have blue collar professions.

Two of them started talking chatting within 5 minutes.

Poor grammar.

Confessions of prior infidelity.

etc.

Again, what do you bring to the table?

I am fir and attractive. I get told I look 26 all the time. I am feminine and a great cook. I have a high libido. I am well read, well traveled and enjoy the simple things in life.

Do you have good pictures? Do your standards in terms of attractiveness/income exclude almost all men? If the issue is that you're not even seeing men you find acceptable (as opposed to, you go out with them and then it doesn't work), it's probably one of those things.

This. Buy 3 new outfits. Cute ones. Hire a professional photographer. Get your hair and makeup done professionally.

I had a friend with similar complaints to you OP. So I signed up for a dating app, checked the “male” box, and screen shotted the first 10 women the app fed me. She was shocked. They were all dressed to the nines with youtuber makeup. Her plain Jane candids were ruining her prospects.

OP here. This may be my problem. I am not very photogenic I suppose nor do I put up "sexy pictures."

My current pictures are selfies of myself smiling with hair and makeup done. One picture of me from a far in a swimming suit and shorts. One picture of me dressed up at a wedding. A few selfies in the car.

Selfies in the car?? That is so low class I would swipe left on that alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any trouble attracting professional men. I have dates with two physicians this weekend. They can definitely sniff out who wants them for their money and prestige, and aren’t interested in those women. I make my own money, and I’m very feminist, so the last thing I want is a man’s money. They appreciate that.

What’s more challenging is finding men who will be equal partners and make me a priority. The problem with the professional men is that their career will always come first, no exceptions. I’m not really interested in that. I’d rather be with someone who makes less but is a good partner.

What do you think makes you attractive to professional men?

I treat them like human beings and not ATMs. I don’t like it when men objectify me and pursue me for sex, so I don’t objectify them and pursue them for money.

I have a career of my own and I’m low maintenance/laid back. I have a sense of humor. I ask them to go hiking for dates instead of a fancy dinner or drinks. I don’t try to jump through hoops in a desperate attempt to get a rich man to want me.

For sure not all guys are into me. There are plenty who want more of a trophy, and that’s not me.

Basically just be a good, kind person.

What happened with these guys to where you’re still looking online?

I'm super picky

I have a fulfilling, rewarding life. If I'm going to commit to someone, they need to add to my life, but I find most men take away from it.

I’m sorry. Woman like you who are super picky (and are you really divorced at 34?), come in with expectations that can never be met by a mortal man.

You should just go on dates with whomever is not an outright creep. A trades person could read the news and like literature, and many enjoy the outdoors. It’s not like a software engineer is likely to be well read or like hiking?!