Are parents of onlies doomed to be "first time parents" forever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, imagine how you feel now that you have one child, compared to how you felt when you had no children. Do you feel different? Do you feel like you know more? Would you take the advice of someone who had no children?

NP-- this is not a good analogy. The analogous situation to a parent getting parenting advice from a non-parent would be a parent of more than one kid getting advice *about how to raise multiple kids* from a parent of an only.

I mean I don't think people should be handing out unsolicited advice regardless-- but another parent may have insight into a specific parenting issue (potty training or speech therapy or whatever) regardless of how many kids they have.

I agree it’s not exactly the same, but I have 3 completely different (and each challenging in their own way) kids. I’m not taking advice from someone with one easy kid. And frankly, in most cases, one kid is “easy” because you can arrange your house and schedule around their needs.

It doesn’t sound like op is giving advice. It sounds like she’s just talking about her child and sucky people are like “just you wait”

[Anonymous]

Are all parents with multiple kids "first time parents" for their oldest, forever? Do they get slapped with that condescending badge every time they get advice with someone who has an even older kid? If you'd answer no to that, than parents of only children shouldn't carry that with them forever, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are all parents with multiple kids "first time parents" for their oldest, forever? Do they get slapped with that condescending badge every time they get advice with someone who has an even older kid? If you'd answer no to that, than parents of only children shouldn't carry that with them forever, either.

Yes, parents of older kids clearly have a bigger picture in mind. A mom of an only in middle school or high school has a lot of teach me (mom of 3 under 8). She does not have experience in juggling multiple kids, but has much more experience than me when it comes to teenagers

[Anonymous]

Eh, OP, typical first time parent!

Just kidding! Try to be less sensitive and maybe relax! I think being perfect and trying to do everything are what we did with our first born. We were much calmer about our second. We thought we were one and done too— and proclaimed it— only to have another three years later! Woukdnt have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Without OP clarifying why she gets dismissed after saying anything about parenting, it's hard to know what the situation is. Is she saying things like "22 months is the absolute best time to potty train" because it worked for her sample size of 1 and she's "confident" in her decisions? If she's getting a lot of negativity when she talks about parenting, then perhaps it's what or how she's saying it. I would be dismissive of someone who talks like that as well.

Also, getting a "you'll see" is sometimes annoying but it's rarely wrong. And is often said to someone gloating about how easy something is for them in an area many others struggle. Which leads me to believe OP is not as sincere and helpful as she thinks she's being. Stop talking about your parenting so much to your family if they often react negatively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't give people parenting advice, especially not to my sister (or my mom!). I never tell anyone what to do with their kids or advocate for any particular parenting style. I'm talking more about when I say stuff like "Oh yeah, transition to Kindergarten was tough for Larla -- I was surprised how much moving to a different school building impacted her" and then I get a litany of advice I didn't ask for and my sister saying things like "well you don't understand this because she's your first, but..." It's so condescending and, I feel, unmerited. It feels like I never get to just be a mom, I always have to be the "new mom" so that the other women in my family can feel like experts.

I'm glad (though also sad) to hear this might be something specific to my family. I keep thinking I need to find some friends who are also moms of onlies because I think it would help, but I don't know that many. People also seem to assume that the reason we only had one was because of infertility and while I'm sure that happens and is challenging, it isn't the case for us. Anyway, thanks for your insight PPs.

I'm curious what your sister actually said when you told her about your daughter's kindergarten experience?
It definitely does sound like an element is your sister and mom just being annoying. It sounds like you have a different lifestyle from them, and they just like to criticize you in general? Often parents of onlies are different in other ways besides just the fact that they only have one child.
Also, even if you had multiple children, it sounds like your sister and mom could always invalidate you based on the age of your oldest. Like, you could have 5 children, but if they're not in college yet and your sister's oldest is in college, you'll get a "just you wait...."

[Anonymous]

I have an only child, but everyone in our close circle has 2. Our friends treat me like an equal, my concerns are validated and my opinion valued.

So, it's not a parents of multiple kid problem, it's your sister being a jerk problem.

[Anonymous]

Every family has a different experience. I don't know what it's like to parent a special needs kid, or a kid who has medical problems, or twins, or to parent while a spouse is deployed. Anyone who tries to discount others' experiences as somehow less worthy can shove it up their ass.

[Anonymous]

Some people just say things because it make them feel better but they don't know that's the reason why they say it. Just don't respond. I just ignore comments. If they try to say more, I just say, wow, you look very stressed. Then, they reply, what do you thing, I have 3 kids. Ok. That's why I only have one.