Husband Constantly Sleeping In

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

Only because he works from home and I have to be at work at 7:30. I could take her but then we’d have to pay for before care. I pick her up so seems fair for him to take her. I also get her completely ready before I leave while he sleeps.

Also he literally has to drive past her school less than 5 minutes away on his way to get his daily Starbucks... I don’t think that’s really putting him out too much 🙄 FFS

Oh, you're a bean counter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same. He will commit to getting up for a morning and then “accidentally” fall asleep watching tv in the basement so I’m stuck with the morning again. If I call him on it that morning I get yelled at for “assuming bad intent” and if I ask him to come up when I go to prevent it from happening I get accused of being controlling and micromanaging.

It’s all bullshit and just his pathetic attempt to create a distraction so he can neglect his family responsibilities. No advice just sympathy. For me it’s not worth upending the kids lives to divorce him now, but I no longer envision my retirement with him

YES. The straight up laziness is such a turn off. He’s so thoughtless. He’s home all day everyday and has been for the past year. If I ask if he can do a load of laundry while I’m at work he’ll say yes and not do it. Or I’ll ask him to preheat the oven so I can get ahead of dinner before I get home, he’ll forget. Basically asking him to do tiny things to make life go smoother is met with such lack of care, I feel like I’m going to snap.

And up until a year ago was he like this? could he possibly depressed instead of lazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 5 for those of you asking.

Okay, that's old enough to be taught to stay in her room until 7 or 8 on the weekends and you both get to sleep in a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

Only because he works from home and I have to be at work at 7:30. I could take her but then we’d have to pay for before care. I pick her up so seems fair for him to take her. I also get her completely ready before I leave while he sleeps.

Also he literally has to drive past her school less than 5 minutes away on his way to get his daily Starbucks... I don’t think that’s really putting him out too much 🙄 FFS

Oh, you're a bean counter.

The only people who complain about bean counters are those who are not pulling their own weight. Why would a parent start bean-counting? It's because she knows that her partner is not pulling his weight. The free loading spouse, OTOH, is perfectly content with the unequal balance of work tipped in his favor. Why would he want to bean count, right? He'd only be forced to acknowledge the unfair distribution of labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same. He will commit to getting up for a morning and then “accidentally” fall asleep watching tv in the basement so I’m stuck with the morning again. If I call him on it that morning I get yelled at for “assuming bad intent” and if I ask him to come up when I go to prevent it from happening I get accused of being controlling and micromanaging.

It’s all bullshit and just his pathetic attempt to create a distraction so he can neglect his family responsibilities. No advice just sympathy. For me it’s not worth upending the kids lives to divorce him now, but I no longer envision my retirement with him

YES. The straight up laziness is such a turn off. He’s so thoughtless. He’s home all day everyday and has been for the past year. If I ask if he can do a load of laundry while I’m at work he’ll say yes and not do it. Or I’ll ask him to preheat the oven so I can get ahead of dinner before I get home, he’ll forget. Basically asking him to do tiny things to make life go smoother is met with such lack of care, I feel like I’m going to snap.

And up until a year ago was he like this? could he possibly depressed instead of lazy?

Yes, but not to this extent. Working from home during covid has made it infinitely worse. I thought it would be nice because we wouldn’t both be hustling out the door early, wouldn’t have our daughter gone from home so long everyday. But it’s not been any easier on me, but way easier for him. I can’t wait till they force him back to the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 5 for those of you asking.

Okay, that's old enough to be taught to stay in her room until 7 or 8 on the weekends and you both get to sleep in a bit.

That's old enough to get her own breakfast. Have a special muffin or something for Saturday breakfasts that she can get herself. You should both sleep in until 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same. He will commit to getting up for a morning and then “accidentally” fall asleep watching tv in the basement so I’m stuck with the morning again. If I call him on it that morning I get yelled at for “assuming bad intent” and if I ask him to come up when I go to prevent it from happening I get accused of being controlling and micromanaging.

It’s all bullshit and just his pathetic attempt to create a distraction so he can neglect his family responsibilities. No advice just sympathy. For me it’s not worth upending the kids lives to divorce him now, but I no longer envision my retirement with him

YES. The straight up laziness is such a turn off. He’s so thoughtless. He’s home all day everyday and has been for the past year. If I ask if he can do a load of laundry while I’m at work he’ll say yes and not do it. Or I’ll ask him to preheat the oven so I can get ahead of dinner before I get home, he’ll forget. Basically asking him to do tiny things to make life go smoother is met with such lack of care, I feel like I’m going to snap.

And up until a year ago was he like this? could he possibly depressed instead of lazy?

Yes, but not to this extent. Working from home during covid has made it infinitely worse. I thought it would be nice because we wouldn’t both be hustling out the door early, wouldn’t have our daughter gone from home so long everyday. But it’s not been any easier on me, but way easier for him. I can’t wait till they force him back to the office.

You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same. He will commit to getting up for a morning and then “accidentally” fall asleep watching tv in the basement so I’m stuck with the morning again. If I call him on it that morning I get yelled at for “assuming bad intent” and if I ask him to come up when I go to prevent it from happening I get accused of being controlling and micromanaging.

It’s all bullshit and just his pathetic attempt to create a distraction so he can neglect his family responsibilities. No advice just sympathy. For me it’s not worth upending the kids lives to divorce him now, but I no longer envision my retirement with him

YES. The straight up laziness is such a turn off. He’s so thoughtless. He’s home all day everyday and has been for the past year. If I ask if he can do a load of laundry while I’m at work he’ll say yes and not do it. Or I’ll ask him to preheat the oven so I can get ahead of dinner before I get home, he’ll forget. Basically asking him to do tiny things to make life go smoother is met with such lack of care, I feel like I’m going to snap.

And up until a year ago was he like this? could he possibly depressed instead of lazy?

Yes, but not to this extent. Working from home during covid has made it infinitely worse. I thought it would be nice because we wouldn’t both be hustling out the door early, wouldn’t have our daughter gone from home so long everyday. But it’s not been any easier on me, but way easier for him. I can’t wait till they force him back to the office.

You sound jealous.

Maybe so... his life right now is pretty cush. Doesn’t mean he can’t help out though.

[Anonymous]

Why not send the kid to him? Say you need to find daddy when she wakes you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 5 for those of you asking.

Okay, that's old enough to be taught to stay in her room until 7 or 8 on the weekends and you both get to sleep in a bit.

That's old enough to get her own breakfast. Have a special muffin or something for Saturday breakfasts that she can get herself. You should both sleep in until 9.

I would pour a bowl of cereal and spoon on the counter and a cup of milk in the fridge before I went to bed. My daughter knew in kindergarten pour the cup of milk in cereal and you can watch cartoons until I wake up. When she was smaller than that it was go into your room and play until at least 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

Only because he works from home and I have to be at work at 7:30. I could take her but then we’d have to pay for before care. I pick her up so seems fair for him to take her. I also get her completely ready before I leave while he sleeps.

Also he literally has to drive past her school less than 5 minutes away on his way to get his daily Starbucks... I don’t think that’s really putting him out too much 🙄 FFS

Oh, you're a bean counter.

The only people who complain about bean counters are those who are not pulling their own weight. Why would a parent start bean-counting? It's because she knows that her partner is not pulling his weight. The free loading spouse, OTOH, is perfectly content with the unequal balance of work tipped in his favor. Why would he want to bean count, right? He'd only be forced to acknowledge the unfair distribution of labor.

It's also done by narcissists who overvalue their contributions and undervalue the contributions of others. So, from their perspective, they're doing almost everything and no one else is doing much of anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

Only because he works from home and I have to be at work at 7:30. I could take her but then we’d have to pay for before care. I pick her up so seems fair for him to take her. I also get her completely ready before I leave while he sleeps.

Also he literally has to drive past her school less than 5 minutes away on his way to get his daily Starbucks... I don’t think that’s really putting him out too much 🙄 FFS

Oh, you're a bean counter.

The only people who complain about bean counters are those who are not pulling their own weight. Why would a parent start bean-counting? It's because she knows that her partner is not pulling his weight. The free loading spouse, OTOH, is perfectly content with the unequal balance of work tipped in his favor. Why would he want to bean count, right? He'd only be forced to acknowledge the unfair distribution of labor.

It's also done by narcissists who overvalue their contributions and undervalue the contributions of others. So, from their perspective, they're doing almost everything and no one else is doing much of anything.

+1000 Louder for the people in the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 5 for those of you asking.

Okay, that's old enough to be taught to stay in her room until 7 or 8 on the weekends and you both get to sleep in a bit.

Some kids are naturally early risers. A kid who wakes up at 6 isn't going to stay in their room for two hours alone. It's BS that he can't trade off weekend mornings -- he gets up with her one morning, OP gets up with her the other morning.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was an early riser at ages 3, 4, 5 and my husband would get up with her most mornings and get her and my son breakfast and let me sleep till 6:45 and bring me coffee. We trained her to stay in her room until 6 but not after, she was waking at 5 am and an hour was what she could do on her own at age 4. I had a lot of the parenting load otherwise, and DH recognized thas, so this was ,one of those things that he could do, so he did. He would also take the kids to the park on weekend afternoons so I could go to the gym nap cook whatever in peach.

I'm sorry so many of you have such low expectations of your male spouses that you think its okay that OP, who works out of the home/commutes, has to get up early every single morning, week days and weekends, while her DH sleeps in because he's up late playing video games and reneges on his agreement to let her sleep in on the weekend. Its telling that so many of you choose to criticize her parenting as well, saying *she* has to train her daughter to stay in her room. Maybe he should take charge if he's the one who wants to sleep in until 10 am and not have to get up in the morning. Unless there's something else going on, like he's picking up the daughter and taking the evenings and making all of dinner , then that's a trade of morning and evening, but that doesn't sound like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was an early riser at ages 3, 4, 5 and my husband would get up with her most mornings and get her and my son breakfast and let me sleep till 6:45 and bring me coffee. We trained her to stay in her room until 6 but not after, she was waking at 5 am and an hour was what she could do on her own at age 4. I had a lot of the parenting load otherwise, and DH recognized thas, so this was ,one of those things that he could do, so he did. He would also take the kids to the park on weekend afternoons so I could go to the gym nap cook whatever in peach.

I'm sorry so many of you have such low expectations of your male spouses that you think its okay that OP, who works out of the home/commutes, has to get up early every single morning, week days and weekends, while her DH sleeps in because he's up late playing video games and reneges on his agreement to let her sleep in on the weekend. Its telling that so many of you choose to criticize her parenting as well, saying *she* has to train her daughter to stay in her room. Maybe he should take charge if he's the one who wants to sleep in until 10 am and not have to get up in the morning. Unless there's something else going on, like he's picking up the daughter and taking the evenings and making all of dinner , then that's a trade of morning and evening, but that doesn't sound like it.

Most of us aren’t complaining about our spouses. Most of us have solved our issues regarding sleeping in and childcare. Most of us are just trying to offer OP some suggestions. It’s OP who has the spouse problem.