Husband Constantly Sleeping In

[Anonymous]

I the idea of going to a hotel OP. You need sleep. He can handle one kid.

[Anonymous]

You're not out of line. and I say this as someone with those exact tendencies (up late and would love to sleep in but...children).

Sit down and have a serious talk. He is being selfish and your health and sanity is at risk. Tell him that he needs to be alternating early mornings with you. If he goes back to sleep so be it, but you can't. you are working out of the home and in the home more hours.

I also agree with getting a hotel room. and staying on birth control.

How old is your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one young child. Ever since covid began, he stays up late and sleeps in. On the weekdays, he barely gets up in time to take our child to school. I work outside the home and leave early, so it’s on him to take her. On the weekends, he will sleep until he’s forced to get up... 9:30/10 isn’t out of question for him. Meanwhile I get up with our child whenever she gets up. Sometimes I’m up with her 3+ hours before he can be bothered to get up.

My job is truly exhausting right now. I’m always like bone crushingly exhausted. I asked my husband if he’d get up with our child in the morning so I could sleep in ... he said “uh sure”. Flash forward to this morning, he slept on the couch and our child woke me up at 6:15. He slept till 9. He doesn’t get why I’m pissed right now. I keep getting more and more mad.

Who’s out of line here?

My spouse is bad at getting the kids to sleep.

When spouse is away on a trip, kids sleep through the night with me and sleep in till about 8.

When spouse is here kids often wake up in middle of night, get welcomed into our bed for a while, then go back to bed, get up early, stay up late.
I don’t do long bedtimes and I don’t let the kids have bad sleep hygiene during the night.

So you’re saying I should suffer for kids’ bad sleep? Why should I deal with them in middle of night or in morning? I understand you get annoyed the kids wake you up early but...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one young child. Ever since covid began, he stays up late and sleeps in. On the weekdays, he barely gets up in time to take our child to school. I work outside the home and leave early, so it’s on him to take her. On the weekends, he will sleep until he’s forced to get up... 9:30/10 isn’t out of question for him. Meanwhile I get up with our child whenever she gets up. Sometimes I’m up with her 3+ hours before he can be bothered to get up.

My job is truly exhausting right now. I’m always like bone crushingly exhausted. I asked my husband if he’d get up with our child in the morning so I could sleep in ... he said “uh sure”. Flash forward to this morning, he slept on the couch and our child woke me up at 6:15. He slept till 9. He doesn’t get why I’m pissed right now. I keep getting more and more mad.

Who’s out of line here?

My spouse is bad at getting the kids to sleep.

When spouse is away on a trip, kids sleep through the night with me and sleep in till about 8.

When spouse is here kids often wake up in middle of night, get welcomed into our bed for a while, then go back to bed, get up early, stay up late.
I don’t do long bedtimes and I don’t let the kids have bad sleep hygiene during the night.

So you’re saying I should suffer for kids’ bad sleep? Why should I deal with them in middle of night or in morning? I understand you get annoyed the kids wake you up early but...

OP here. You’re projecting your issues on to me. No clue how your comment applies to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Kid should be told to stay in room until 7 am. If she's up, she can play independently until then.

2) Alternate days of who is in charge mornings. My DH used to be like yours and would sleep in (even later than 10) and take LONG naps during the day. He felt completely entitled to do this until I said enough was enough. Now, if he doesn't get up on his day, I physically put the kids in the bed and go close the door in our guest bedroom and go back to sleep there. That way, he doesn't have a choice. At first he would complain that he needed "five more minutes," but now he accepts the routine. On my days, there's coffee waiting for him downstairs when he gets up, on his days, there is coffee for me!

She often gets up to go to the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Why was he sleeping on the couch? Sounds like he has adopted some bad/ lazy pandemic habits.

Try this - tell DH and your DD that you are going to make a late New Year's resolution to adopt better health habits, and the family needs to participate. Step one is getting the sleep we all need. DH needs to go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up at a reasonable time every day, weekends included. Figure it out for your family's schedule. Take into account how much sleep your DD needs (you never say her age), as well as your need for sleep during a hard job time as well.

Everyone has to go along. This is sound mental health practice for the entire family; maintaining this discipline during pandemic WFH is hard, but essential to long term mental health. Get his buy-in and go from there. Next step will be reduced time online, more exercise, better eating, etc.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't work to just leave your husband alone with the kid if they're like this. My husband would fall asleep watching our kids because he was up late the night before. They wandered outside and got into pills. It's like playing chicken with your kid's safety, and ultimately I cared more. The only thing that fixed it for us was couple's therapy and him deciding to be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Kid should be told to stay in room until 7 am. If she's up, she can play independently until then.

2) Alternate days of who is in charge mornings. My DH used to be like yours and would sleep in (even later than 10) and take LONG naps during the day. He felt completely entitled to do this until I said enough was enough. Now, if he doesn't get up on his day, I physically put the kids in the bed and go close the door in our guest bedroom and go back to sleep there. That way, he doesn't have a choice. At first he would complain that he needed "five more minutes," but now he accepts the routine. On my days, there's coffee waiting for him downstairs when he gets up, on his days, there is coffee for me!

She often gets up to go to the bathroom.

That's fine, she can go to the bathroom or play in her room.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry op, I would be pissed if my dh was like this. He sleeps in an hour later than me naturally, but I don’t mind at all especially now the kids are old enough to hang out until we wake up. The fact that you don’t even get one day a week to sleep in is just plain selfish. Find a time when you two can sit down with a glass of wine and talk about it rationally. Try to use “I statements” instead of blaming him, as he will probably get defensive and shut down. Write down the hours of the day you are working or with the kid and write down the hours he’s working or with the kid. Maybe he doesn’t realize it?

[Anonymous]

I am having a hard time understanding why it is so important that your husband get up earlier when there are easy solutions to the problem you are trying to solve, which is you not getting up on weekends.

First, while I don't sleep that late, I really don't think your husband is sleep in very late. And, I don't get the weekday problem. You say he's getting your daughter up and to school on time.

As to the weekend issue, if your daughter is old enough to go to the bathroom on her own and old enough to wake you up, you can teach her to wake her dad or go play in her room. If she's hungry, you can have things available for her to eat until you're ready to make food. I used to put a bowl of cereal in the oven the night before for my early riser (we have dogs) and a cup of milk in the refrigerator. That way she could eat something if need be.

I don't know what's up with your husband and what issues you have between you. But, this really isn't something you need him to resolve for you. It would be great if he stepped in, but you already know it isn't happening. So, no point in continuing to bang your head against the wall and be frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Sleep is healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep is healthy.

Yeah, that’s why I’d like to get some.

[Anonymous]

She’s 5 for those of you asking.

[Anonymous]

Dang. And I’m guilted for staying in bed until 7:15. If he’s doing at least some household stuff after you go to bed you should cut him some slack. His clock is different and/or he’s depressed. Approach him with compassion instead of frustration and see how much farther you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dang. And I’m guilted for staying in bed until 7:15. If he’s doing at least some household stuff after you go to bed you should cut him some slack. His clock is different and/or he’s depressed. Approach him with compassion instead of frustration and see how much farther you get.

He’s not. He just surfs the internet and play video games.