Husband Constantly Sleeping In

[Anonymous]

What time is he getting up with her during the week? Sounds like he’s not sleeping til 9:30/10 during the week, so maybe you guys both want a couple of days of sleeping in.

Ask to switch off Saturday/Sunday? Or pick a day and go in to work a bit later?

Communicate... you won’t get help if you don’t ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dang. And I’m guilted for staying in bed until 7:15. If he’s doing at least some household stuff after you go to bed you should cut him some slack. His clock is different and/or he’s depressed. Approach him with compassion instead of frustration and see how much farther you get.

No you are not guilted. No one can make you feel guilty (and it sounds like you don’t anyway). It’s obnoxious to complain about how you choose to feel about being asked to pull your weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What time is he getting up with her during the week? Sounds like he’s not sleeping til 9:30/10 during the week, so maybe you guys both want a couple of days of sleeping in.

Ask to switch off Saturday/Sunday? Or pick a day and go in to work a bit later?

Communicate... you won’t get help if you don’t ask for it.

He gets up at 7:45 during the week. I leave the house at 7.

I have asked and this is almost always what happens.

[Anonymous]

Train your kid to play or sleep in until 7 or 8. Get a hatch light. No need for anyone to have to be a martyr for no reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What time is he getting up with her during the week? Sounds like he’s not sleeping til 9:30/10 during the week, so maybe you guys both want a couple of days of sleeping in.

Ask to switch off Saturday/Sunday? Or pick a day and go in to work a bit later?

Communicate... you won’t get help if you don’t ask for it.

He gets up at 7:45 during the week. I leave the house at 7.

I have asked and this is almost always what happens.

Is that what time your daughter wakes up? I’m confused how he’s sleeping this late if she’s awake at 6:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Train your kid to play or sleep in until 7 or 8. Get a hatch light. No need for anyone to have to be a martyr for no reason

+1 But make it clear DH is in charge one weekend morning per week regardless

[Anonymous]

He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What time is he getting up with her during the week? Sounds like he’s not sleeping til 9:30/10 during the week, so maybe you guys both want a couple of days of sleeping in.

Ask to switch off Saturday/Sunday? Or pick a day and go in to work a bit later?

Communicate... you won’t get help if you don’t ask for it.

He gets up at 7:45 during the week. I leave the house at 7.

I have asked and this is almost always what happens.

Is that what time your daughter wakes up? I’m confused how he’s sleeping this late if she’s awake at 6:30.

She wakes up, I get her ready, I leave at 7am and she watches TV in our room till he wakes up at 7:45

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dang. And I’m guilted for staying in bed until 7:15. If he’s doing at least some household stuff after you go to bed you should cut him some slack. His clock is different and/or he’s depressed. Approach him with compassion instead of frustration and see how much farther you get.

He’s not. He just surfs the internet and play video games.

THIS is the part that is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the same. He will commit to getting up for a morning and then “accidentally” fall asleep watching tv in the basement so I’m stuck with the morning again. If I call him on it that morning I get yelled at for “assuming bad intent” and if I ask him to come up when I go to prevent it from happening I get accused of being controlling and micromanaging.

It’s all bullshit and just his pathetic attempt to create a distraction so he can neglect his family responsibilities. No advice just sympathy. For me it’s not worth upending the kids lives to divorce him now, but I no longer envision my retirement with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

Only because he works from home and I have to be at work at 7:30. I could take her but then we’d have to pay for before care. I pick her up so seems fair for him to take her. I also get her completely ready before I leave while he sleeps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He takes the kids to school every weekday and you’re complaining? I’m confused.

Only because he works from home and I have to be at work at 7:30. I could take her but then we’d have to pay for before care. I pick her up so seems fair for him to take her. I also get her completely ready before I leave while he sleeps.

Also he literally has to drive past her school less than 5 minutes away on his way to get his daily Starbucks... I don’t think that’s really putting him out too much 🙄 FFS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same. He will commit to getting up for a morning and then “accidentally” fall asleep watching tv in the basement so I’m stuck with the morning again. If I call him on it that morning I get yelled at for “assuming bad intent” and if I ask him to come up when I go to prevent it from happening I get accused of being controlling and micromanaging.

It’s all bullshit and just his pathetic attempt to create a distraction so he can neglect his family responsibilities. No advice just sympathy. For me it’s not worth upending the kids lives to divorce him now, but I no longer envision my retirement with him

YES. The straight up laziness is such a turn off. He’s so thoughtless. He’s home all day everyday and has been for the past year. If I ask if he can do a load of laundry while I’m at work he’ll say yes and not do it. Or I’ll ask him to preheat the oven so I can get ahead of dinner before I get home, he’ll forget. Basically asking him to do tiny things to make life go smoother is met with such lack of care, I feel like I’m going to snap.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a lazy teenager. Doing the bare minimum, shirking responsibilities, blaming others. He sounds awful to be married to.

Not for OP, but for women dating someone, my advice would be to test for things like this before getting married. And parents, please put some energy into developing self-discipline and responsibility in your kids before they become this kind of spouse.

OP, try to talk about this when it’s not the heat of the moment. Sleeping in is just not an adult thing to do, but if you and your husband think it’s important, then you should clearly take turns. Is he depressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a lazy teenager. Doing the bare minimum, shirking responsibilities, blaming others. He sounds awful to be married to.

Not for OP, but for women dating someone, my advice would be to test for things like this before getting married. And parents, please put some energy into developing self-discipline and responsibility in your kids before they become this kind of spouse.

OP, try to talk about this when it’s not the heat of the moment. Sleeping in is just not an adult thing to do, but if you and your husband think it’s important, then you should clearly take turns. Is he depressed?

I highly doubt he’s depressed. I’m naturally a fairly early riser (since I’m up so early during the week) and most of the time I don’t care if I need to get up early with DD. But when the exhaustion catches up to me, sometimes it’d be nice to go back to sleep or even just lay in bed an extra hour before parenting. And that’s what I needed today and what I asked for. And that should be ok.