In your social circle how much cheating is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My social circle? None. Work colleagues? A ton. They talk and you saw them at lunch with AP or going for drinks with each other at the end of the day. They’re not too discreet either because usually it was with someone at the same agency. Since Covid not sure how they carry on with their shenanigans though.

Yes, same situation. But that makes me think cheating is far more rampant. I mean, of course when we are out with couples they aren't going to be straying in front of each other, but then I see the same type of people on work conferences and trips and they are definitely cheating.

Point is, I have no earthly clue, and for men especially, if they are attractive and have opportunities, they have probably all strayed at some point. Monogamy seems like a charade but better than the alternative.

Our bureau used to have an annual offsite that required travel to a different state. Married folks were shameless about open flirting and pairing off at the end of the mandatory forced fun every evening. I used to joke to our admin person we could save a ton in travel costs just by rooming together the people who we knew were going to be “sleeping” in someone else’s room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.

In my family, more than I’d admit. I think my cousin is now in an open marriage after her DH cheated and had two kids outside of wedlock and then she cheated when she found out. Maybe 1/4 of my cousins.

In my friend group, not many. Much more, physical abuse and financial control. Most affairs I know of ended with divorce. The abused wives are the ones staying. Maybe three female friends were the OW at some point. One is a serial OW, but otherwise a really lovely person.

A serial OW is otherwise a really lovely person? This blows my mind.

NP. Life is not black and white. You can be a good person and still sleep with married people. I've never cheated, but I recognize that life is complicated and messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.

In my family, more than I’d admit. I think my cousin is now in an open marriage after her DH cheated and had two kids outside of wedlock and then she cheated when she found out. Maybe 1/4 of my cousins.

In my friend group, not many. Much more, physical abuse and financial control. Most affairs I know of ended with divorce. The abused wives are the ones staying. Maybe three female friends were the OW at some point. One is a serial OW, but otherwise a really lovely person.

A serial OW is otherwise a really lovely person? This blows my mind.

NP. Life is not black and white. You can be a good person and still sleep with married people. I've never cheated, but I recognize that life is complicated and messy.

No. You cannot be a good person if you serially cheat with married people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My social circle? None. Work colleagues? A ton. They talk and you saw them at lunch with AP or going for drinks with each other at the end of the day. They’re not too discreet either because usually it was with someone at the same agency. Since Covid not sure how they carry on with their shenanigans though.

Yes, same situation. But that makes me think cheating is far more rampant. I mean, of course when we are out with couples they aren't going to be straying in front of each other, but then I see the same type of people on work conferences and trips and they are definitely cheating.

Point is, I have no earthly clue, and for men especially, if they are attractive and have opportunities, they have probably all strayed at some point. Monogamy seems like a charade but better than the alternative.

Our bureau used to have an annual offsite that required travel to a different state. Married folks were shameless about open flirting and pairing off at the end of the mandatory forced fun every evening. I used to joke to our admin person we could save a ton in travel costs just by rooming together the people who we knew were going to be “sleeping” in someone else’s room.

Funny you say that, I met a friend at a work trip and one of my married colleagues said my friend could use her room because she was spending her nights at her work conference APs room and she hadn't used it once, just checked in so her DH wouldn't be suspicious

[Anonymous]

A lot. The ones being cheated on are mostly oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is the OW (we don't know the guy). I have told her I don't think it's ok.

Good. I would also tell her you don't want to hear anymore about it. Make your stance. Don't be a shoulder to cry on or bounce stuff off of regarding this disgusting behavior. If she continues talking about it, I would stop seeing her.

She doesn't talk about it unless I ask. She knows how I feel. If it were anyone else in my life, I probably would have stopped seeing her. But this is someone I've known since before puberty (we're in our 40s). She is like family and this is incredibly out of character. I honestly don't even understand what she's getting out of it... it seems miserable to be in love with someone and know you're at the very bottom of their list of priorities.

[Anonymous]

No. You cannot be a good person if you serially cheat with married people.

+1. You are not a good person if you knowingly are willing to blow up someone else's life and family. Good people don't take actions that would hurt other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No. You cannot be a good person if you serially cheat with married people.

+1. You are not a good person if you knowingly are willing to blow up someone else's life and family. Good people don't take actions that would hurt other people.

I’ve never cheated or been the OW, but not every AP wants to blow up someone else’s life and family. Some are getting all they want. No strings sex with someone they like without the uncertainty or safety risks of Tinder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No. You cannot be a good person if you serially cheat with married people.

+1. You are not a good person if you knowingly are willing to blow up someone else's life and family. Good people don't take actions that would hurt other people.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

I don’t associate with cheaters. Our values are too disparate. Life is short and I prefer to be with people with good moral character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t associate with cheaters. Our values are too disparate. Life is short and I prefer to be with people with good moral character.

Are ALL your values about who you sleep with? Again, I’m not a cheater, but people are more complex than that. There are plenty of sexually faithful people (or virgins) who are murderers.

[Anonymous]

No cheating that we know of. Been married for 30 years. We are staid and boring people. The main motivation of our social group is food.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t see it in our social circle and we are on the older side. It may be that over time we have just gravitated to people like us. Neither of us would be interested in having to deal with the drama that cheating unfolds in a social circle. We do know plenty of people who have divorced but they were not part of our close circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You cannot be a good person if you serially cheat with married people.

+1. You are not a good person if you knowingly are willing to blow up someone else's life and family. Good people don't take actions that would hurt other people.

I’ve never cheated or been the OW, but not every AP wants to blow up someone else’s life and family. Some are getting all they want. No strings sex with someone they like without the uncertainty or safety risks of Tinder.

NP. Exactly
-former AP

[Anonymous]

I’ve never cheated or been the OW, but not every AP wants to blow up someone else’s life and family. Some are getting all they want. No strings sex with someone they like without the uncertainty or safety risks of Tinder.

Most APs probably DON'T want to blow up their own family or their AP's family, but they are willing to risk it for their own selfish purposes. They know that. That's why they are not good people (and that goes for cheater women and men).