stepfamily and inlaw issues

[Anonymous]

You need to teach your kids to value other things. The grandparents of course are going to do things for their grand children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach them to accept that they are not owed anything and that they already got nice presents.

I'm sorry, but this. Don't raise brats- let them know you understand the feeling but that they are not owed anything by anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth should your husband’s parents take your children on vacation with their late term and early 20’s grandchildren? That makes no sense whatsoever. Your pre-teens are relative strangers. They get to have time with their own grandchildren. It’s extraordinarily kind of them to have bought generous gifts for their new step-grandchildren and it sounds like they are open to a relationship, but it is not at all fair for them to have to compromise their own relationship with their grandchildren.

+1

[Anonymous]

I’ll throw another perspective in here. My XH’s parents always gave my son money for Xmas and his birthday. It was the same amount every year of his life until his dad remarried a woman with her own son when my son was 15. That Christmas my son got a check from his grandparents for half of what he’d given him for the first 15 years of his life, as they had given the other half to my sons new step-brother. My son accepted it in stride but I could tell he was hurt by it. On the flip side my son didn’t receive anything from the new set of step-grandparents (but his step brother did). It’s a good lesson in life’s not fair but in OP’s situation she is wholeheartedly wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. They are not their grandparents. It's a different relationship, and we all know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

Calling someone a "step-grandparent" as if that is some special bond does not make it so. My widowed grandfather married a very nice lady--a family friend, actually--when I was 19. (She was widowed, as well.)

I like and respect her, we exchange little gifts and see each ther even now that my grandad is gone. Guess what? She is not and never will be a true grandparent to me. She has actual grandkids and I'm sure the pleasant relationship I have with her is nothing compared to the actual grandchild bond she has with them.

Using a term "step-" anything as if it means much just because two people decided to get married is pretty thin. Even step-dad or step-mom. Relationships build organically, or not. Throwing about titles is meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Ha. Life is what it is. My kids' own paternal grandpa refused to take girls anywhere and insisted girls ruin the cruise and everything! So, while it sucks, it is nothing out of ordinary with clueless grandparents who do what they want even to their bio grandkids!
I have no advice, other than to expect if you bring this up with them, for them to act like victims and refuse to acknowledge that while they have no obligation, they do understand that being a teen is tough and how this might look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

Calling someone a "step-grandparent" as if that is some special bond does not make it so. My widowed grandfather married a very nice lady--a family friend, actually--when I was 19. (She was widowed, as well.)

I like and respect her, we exchange little gifts and see each ther even now that my grandad is gone. Guess what? She is not and never will be a true grandparent to me. She has actual grandkids and I'm sure the pleasant relationship I have with her is nothing compared to the actual grandchild bond she has with them.

Using a term "step-" anything as if it means much just because two people decided to get married is pretty thin. Even step-dad or step-mom. Relationships build organically, or not. Throwing about titles is meaningless.

I don't get the need for you to be so abrupt and lacking manners. I just did an interview with someone who had a stepgrandma. She portrayed her in wonderful terms, even though this woman sent her mom to be raised by her bio aunt prior to WWII. I wonder if we are all becoming insanely selfish and self-centered. I don't think there is any need to love the step-grandma, but there is also no reason to be so rude about what she is or is not to you. You sound awfully depressed to feel the need to post something negative on dcum about someone that never did any wrong to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

Calling someone a "step-grandparent" as if that is some special bond does not make it so. My widowed grandfather married a very nice lady--a family friend, actually--when I was 19. (She was widowed, as well.)

I like and respect her, we exchange little gifts and see each ther even now that my grandad is gone. Guess what? She is not and never will be a true grandparent to me. She has actual grandkids and I'm sure the pleasant relationship I have with her is nothing compared to the actual grandchild bond she has with them.

Using a term "step-" anything as if it means much just because two people decided to get married is pretty thin. Even step-dad or step-mom. Relationships build organically, or not. Throwing about titles is meaningless.

I don't get the need for you to be so abrupt and lacking manners. I just did an interview with someone who had a stepgrandma. She portrayed her in wonderful terms, even though this woman sent her mom to be raised by her bio aunt prior to WWII. I wonder if we are all becoming insanely selfish and self-centered. I don't think there is any need to love the step-grandma, but there is also no reason to be so rude about what she is or is not to you. You sound awfully depressed to feel the need to post something negative on dcum about someone that never did any wrong to you.

Acknowledging reality is not "rude." Trying to force your own perspective or hoped-for outcomes on others is rude.

I like my step-grandmother very much, and go out of my way to connect with her and do nice things for her. That said, she is not and will never be a true grandparent to me.

You clearly have a dog in this fight. I'm sorry that the simple truth that relationships develop organically or not at all is such a difficult pill for you to swallow. It may help you to drop your expectations of what you, unilaterally, think a relationship should be, and go with the flow of what a two-way relationship reality is.

Love does not make demands based on one person's expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth should your husband’s parents take your children on vacation with their late term and early 20’s grandchildren? That makes no sense whatsoever. Your pre-teens are relative strangers. They get to have time with their own grandchildren. It’s extraordinarily kind of them to have bought generous gifts for their new step-grandchildren and it sounds like they are open to a relationship, but it is not at all fair for them to have to compromise their own relationship with their grandchildren.

+1

+2 "when did your problem become my problem". Its not the grandparents issue, life isn't fair, your kids are old enough to know this.

[Anonymous]

This isn't even the right forum, OP. Blended Family issues go under Parenting--Special Concerns. Because people who were literal strangers to you and your kids until a few years ago are not your kids' grandparents. They have four grandparents. These nice, generous older adults ain't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

Calling someone a "step-grandparent" as if that is some special bond does not make it so. My widowed grandfather married a very nice lady--a family friend, actually--when I was 19. (She was widowed, as well.)

I like and respect her, we exchange little gifts and see each ther even now that my grandad is gone. Guess what? She is not and never will be a true grandparent to me. She has actual grandkids and I'm sure the pleasant relationship I have with her is nothing compared to the actual grandchild bond she has with them.

Using a term "step-" anything as if it means much just because two people decided to get married is pretty thin. Even step-dad or step-mom. Relationships build organically, or not. Throwing about titles is meaningless.

I don't get the need for you to be so abrupt and lacking manners. I just did an interview with someone who had a stepgrandma. She portrayed her in wonderful terms, even though this woman sent her mom to be raised by her bio aunt prior to WWII. I wonder if we are all becoming insanely selfish and self-centered. I don't think there is any need to love the step-grandma, but there is also no reason to be so rude about what she is or is not to you. You sound awfully depressed to feel the need to post something negative on dcum about someone that never did any wrong to you.

Acknowledging reality is not "rude." Trying to force your own perspective or hoped-for outcomes on others is rude.

I like my step-grandmother very much, and go out of my way to connect with her and do nice things for her. That said, she is not and will never be a true grandparent to me.

You clearly have a dog in this fight. I'm sorry that the simple truth that relationships develop organically or not at all is such a difficult pill for you to swallow. It may help you to drop your expectations of what you, unilaterally, think a relationship should be, and go with the flow of what a two-way relationship reality is.

Love does not make demands based on one person's expectations.

You don't get it, you self absorbed prick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

Calling someone a "step-grandparent" as if that is some special bond does not make it so. My widowed grandfather married a very nice lady--a family friend, actually--when I was 19. (She was widowed, as well.)

I like and respect her, we exchange little gifts and see each ther even now that my grandad is gone. Guess what? She is not and never will be a true grandparent to me. She has actual grandkids and I'm sure the pleasant relationship I have with her is nothing compared to the actual grandchild bond she has with them.

Using a term "step-" anything as if it means much just because two people decided to get married is pretty thin. Even step-dad or step-mom. Relationships build organically, or not. Throwing about titles is meaningless.

I don't get the need for you to be so abrupt and lacking manners. I just did an interview with someone who had a stepgrandma. She portrayed her in wonderful terms, even though this woman sent her mom to be raised by her bio aunt prior to WWII. I wonder if we are all becoming insanely selfish and self-centered. I don't think there is any need to love the step-grandma, but there is also no reason to be so rude about what she is or is not to you. You sound awfully depressed to feel the need to post something negative on dcum about someone that never did any wrong to you.

Acknowledging reality is not "rude." Trying to force your own perspective or hoped-for outcomes on others is rude.

I like my step-grandmother very much, and go out of my way to connect with her and do nice things for her. That said, she is not and will never be a true grandparent to me.

You clearly have a dog in this fight. I'm sorry that the simple truth that relationships develop organically or not at all is such a difficult pill for you to swallow. It may help you to drop your expectations of what you, unilaterally, think a relationship should be, and go with the flow of what a two-way relationship reality is.

Love does not make demands based on one person's expectations.

You don't get it, you self absorbed prick.

I do, actually. You're, like, the MIL who demands that her new daughter-in-law call her "mom" and act like a flesh-and-blood daughter Because Family, even though you actually just met like, three years ago,mans haven't even spent that much time together. Instead of giving space to allow a real connection to organically form, you label people as "cold" just because they take their time getting to know other people, developing trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that if it's a stepgrandparent who wrote about excluding the steps, all hell would break loose on DCUM. But in this case, it's the second wife who should know better than to expect her kids to be given the same treatment. OP, are your kids even expecting the same inheritance from your in-laws?

Yep. DCUM really changes tunes depending on who the OP is. If the step grandparents had asked about this, they would have been reamed for not including the non-bio grandkids.

Calling someone a "step-grandparent" as if that is some special bond does not make it so. My widowed grandfather married a very nice lady--a family friend, actually--when I was 19. (She was widowed, as well.)

I like and respect her, we exchange little gifts and see each ther even now that my grandad is gone. Guess what? She is not and never will be a true grandparent to me. She has actual grandkids and I'm sure the pleasant relationship I have with her is nothing compared to the actual grandchild bond she has with them.

Using a term "step-" anything as if it means much just because two people decided to get married is pretty thin. Even step-dad or step-mom. Relationships build organically, or not. Throwing about titles is meaningless.

I don't get the need for you to be so abrupt and lacking manners. I just did an interview with someone who had a stepgrandma. She portrayed her in wonderful terms, even though this woman sent her mom to be raised by her bio aunt prior to WWII. I wonder if we are all becoming insanely selfish and self-centered. I don't think there is any need to love the step-grandma, but there is also no reason to be so rude about what she is or is not to you. You sound awfully depressed to feel the need to post something negative on dcum about someone that never did any wrong to you.

Acknowledging reality is not "rude." Trying to force your own perspective or hoped-for outcomes on others is rude.

I like my step-grandmother very much, and go out of my way to connect with her and do nice things for her. That said, she is not and will never be a true grandparent to me.

You clearly have a dog in this fight. I'm sorry that the simple truth that relationships develop organically or not at all is such a difficult pill for you to swallow. It may help you to drop your expectations of what you, unilaterally, think a relationship should be, and go with the flow of what a two-way relationship reality is.

Love does not make demands based on one person's expectations.

You don't get it, you self absorbed prick.

I do, actually. You're, like, the MIL who demands that her new daughter-in-law call her "mom" and act like a flesh-and-blood daughter Because Family, even though you actually just met like, three years ago,mans haven't even spent that much time together. Instead of giving space to allow a real connection to organically form, you label people as "cold" just because they take their time getting to know other people, developing trust.

Nope. You are clearly some BPD victim in your own mind. You know nothing about me. But, keep at it. Keep writing essays about nothing.