When to Honor DC Wishes for Custody?

[Anonymous]

I would take her concerns seriously. 10 is old enough to know if you’re uncomfortable at one parent’s home.

[Anonymous]

Sign her up for martial arts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is hitting your child not abuse? Corporal punishment is abuse.

Its not appropriate but its not illegal. Its abuse if you leave marks or bruises. While many of us disagree, many parents feel differently and still use it. If OP feels its abuse, she can make a CPS report. You may not agree, nor I but that is not abuse.

NP. It doesn’t have to be illegal to be abuse.

OP, protect your poor child.

OP and therapist are not saying its abuse.

What the hell is it then? He slaps her but doesn't leave a mark? Pulls her hair? Swats her? She's 10 years old!!! Dare he be spanking her! This is twisted.

Respect your daughter's body OP? It's telling that you mentioned, OTOH I don't want full custody

Stop making up stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

You are the reason why dads walk away. It has been determined it’s not abuse. Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

If I’m the reason a grown man walks away from a 10 year old because he can’t slap her then I’m so proud. OP talk to your daughter’s therapist and do some research on what corporal punishment does to an individual’s psyche. CPS is underfunded and understaffed and so they are looking to minimize their case load and only take cases where children are at serious risk of bodily harm or death. It doesn’t make them saying it’s not abuse okay for her father to hit her period.


I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

You are the reason why dads walk away. It has been determined it’s not abuse. Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

If I’m the reason a grown man walks away from a 10 year old because he can’t slap her then I’m so proud. OP talk to your daughter’s therapist and do some research on what corporal punishment does to an individual’s psyche. CPS is underfunded and understaffed and so they are looking to minimize their case load and only take cases where children are at serious risk of bodily harm or death. It doesn’t make them saying it’s not abuse okay for her father to hit her period.


I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

You are the reason why dads walk away. It has been determined it’s not abuse. Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.

If I am the reason a grown ass man walks away because he can’t slap a 10 year old child then I’m good with that. OP, CPS is underfunded and understaffed and prefers to take cases where kids are at imminent risk of starvation or death. CPS saying it’s not abuse does not mean your daughter should be subjected to anyone hitting her period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

If I’m the reason a grown man walks away from a 10 year old because he can’t slap her then I’m so proud. OP talk to your daughter’s therapist and do some research on what corporal punishment does to an individual’s psyche. CPS is underfunded and understaffed and so they are looking to minimize their case load and only take cases where children are at serious risk of bodily harm or death. It doesn’t make them saying it’s not abuse okay for her father to hit her period.


I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

You are the reason why dads walk away. It has been determined it’s not abuse. Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.

If I am the reason a grown ass man walks away because he can’t slap a 10 year old child then I’m good with that. OP, CPS is underfunded and understaffed and prefers to take cases where kids are at imminent risk of starvation or death. CPS saying it’s not abuse does not mean your daughter should be subjected to anyone hitting her period.

You are making up crap. It was investigated and ruled out. There is clearly more to this and it is not illegal to slap your kid. It is bad parenting, but your behavior is equally horrifying and what you are saying is really going to harm a child by having their parent taken away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

If I’m the reason a grown man walks away from a 10 year old because he can’t slap her then I’m so proud. OP talk to your daughter’s therapist and do some research on what corporal punishment does to an individual’s psyche. CPS is underfunded and understaffed and so they are looking to minimize their case load and only take cases where children are at serious risk of bodily harm or death. It doesn’t make them saying it’s not abuse okay for her father to hit her period.


I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

You are the reason why dads walk away. It has been determined it’s not abuse. Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.

If I am the reason a grown ass man walks away because he can’t slap a 10 year old child then I’m good with that. OP, CPS is underfunded and understaffed and prefers to take cases where kids are at imminent risk of starvation or death. CPS saying it’s not abuse does not mean your daughter should be subjected to anyone hitting her period.

You are making up crap. It was investigated and ruled out. There is clearly more to this and it is not illegal to slap your kid. It is bad parenting, but your behavior is equally horrifying and what you are saying is really going to harm a child by having their parent taken away.

You are the one speaking crap likely because you were hit as a kid and hit your own kids.Slapping your child may not be illegal but it’s wrong. If a grown ass man can’t control his anger toward a 10 year old he shouldn’t be around that 10 year old. OP your child is telling you this is affecting her please listen. As for the above poster trying to make corporal punishment okay because it’s not illegal, get help. What your parents did to you and or what you are doing to your kids is not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

You are the reason why dads walk away. It has been determined it’s not abuse. Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.

Right, so you are saying if your kid makes you mad it’s okay to hit them?. If your boss or your spouse make you mad would you hit them?. If you wouldn’t hit another adult who makes you mad why would it be okay to hit a child?.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

The way to go about this is to seek a modification, not to flat out ignore the order. Also, this has been going on for some time so OP is going to have a hard time making a case that this was an emergency that justified defying the court order. OP, you need to discuss the specifics of your situation with your lawyer and not listen to the people here. IANYL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

The way to go about this is to seek a modification, not to flat out ignore the order. Also, this has been going on for some time so OP is going to have a hard time making a case that this was an emergency that justified defying the court order. OP, you need to discuss the specifics of your situation with your lawyer and not listen to the people here. IANYL.

I don’t disagree with this but what has changed is that your child is increasingly resistant and you are not willing to lift and take a 10 year old and take her out of your home against her will. The OP is not ignoring the order, her daughter is more resistant to going because of the treatment she receives at her dad’s house. You can go to court yourself and seek modification but if he goes himself it’s not like you and your daughter won’t get to present why there has been a change in circumstance. Any judge will want to hear why the current court order is not being enforced. Your daughter also will have appointed a law guardian whose job it is to represent her interests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

The way to go about this is to seek a modification, not to flat out ignore the order. Also, this has been going on for some time so OP is going to have a hard time making a case that this was an emergency that justified defying the court order. OP, you need to discuss the specifics of your situation with your lawyer and not listen to the people here. IANYL.

I don’t disagree with this but what has changed is that your child is increasingly resistant and you are not willing to lift and take a 10 year old and take her out of your home against her will. The OP is not ignoring the order, her daughter is more resistant to going because of the treatment she receives at her dad’s house. You can go to court yourself and seek modification but if he goes himself it’s not like you and your daughter won’t get to present why there has been a change in circumstance. Any judge will want to hear why the current court order is not being enforced. Your daughter also will have appointed a law guardian whose job it is to represent her interests

I can tell you any competent lawyer is going to rip that argument apart. What about when your kid doesn't want to do chores? What about when they don't want to go to school? I think it's extremely irresponsible for you to recommend this strategy to OP rather than recommend she speak to her lawyer before disobeying a court order especially given the limited information presented her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.[/quote

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court. If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified. I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go.

The way to go about this is to seek a modification, not to flat out ignore the order. Also, this has been going on for some time so OP is going to have a hard time making a case that this was an emergency that justified defying the court order. OP, you need to discuss the specifics of your situation with your lawyer and not listen to the people here. IANYL.

I don’t disagree with this but what has changed is that your child is increasingly resistant and you are not willing to lift and take a 10 year old and take her out of your home against her will. The OP is not ignoring the order, her daughter is more resistant to going because of the treatment she receives at her dad’s house. You can go to court yourself and seek modification but if he goes himself it’s not like you and your daughter won’t get to present why there has been a change in circumstance. Any judge will want to hear why the current court order is not being enforced. Your daughter also will have appointed a law guardian whose job it is to represent her interests

I can tell you any competent lawyer is going to rip that argument apart. What about when your kid doesn't want to do chores? What about when they don't want to go to school? I think it's extremely irresponsible for you to recommend this strategy to OP rather than recommend she speak to her lawyer before disobeying a court order especially given the limited information presented her.

Of course the OP should consult her lawyer. He daughter should also consult her law guardian. Life is fluid, it is one thing to lift a five year old out of the house and another thing to lift an unwilling 10 year old, courts get it. As for not doing chores or not going to school, you work with the child. You try to figure out why school or chores are being resisted and you collaboratively problem solve. The idea that you strong arm kids into doing things they don't want to do is not the way to build a strong parent child relationship. Children want to please their parents especially if they like their parents. If a kid is resistant the thing to do is to find out why and problem solve. For instance this child doesn't want to go to dad because he slaps her. The answer is not to bodily try to lift a 10 year old out of the door to go with her dad. The answer is for her and her dad to collaboratively problem solve about making her feel safe being there and about how to build a positive parent child relationship. I guarantee you if they go back to court that is what is going to be recommended, not that the mother try to lift a 10 year old who does not want to go out the door. Good luck OP, put your child first. Talk to your lawyer and have your child talk to her law guardian.