When to Honor DC Wishes for Custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should support child with dad vs setting up a custody battle to take his dad away. Just be honest with dad. Tell him you old her want him as dad and terminate his right and you fully financially support the child since you don’t want him involved. Playing the games you are only hurts your child.

Can we all start reporting this troll? Every single thread having to do with a mother posting about an issue, it's the same unhinged BS. This is not constructive, nor helpful. It's just the same rote crap. All the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

You are alienating dad. You’ll move for custody, then allow limited visits and find a reason to cut off those too. Just be honest with dad. No more relationship.

PP here.. same with this troll response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should support child with dad vs setting up a custody battle to take his dad away. Just be honest with dad. Tell him you old her want him as dad and terminate his right and you fully financially support the child since you don’t want him involved. Playing the games you are only hurts your child.

Can we all start reporting this troll? Every single thread having to do with a mother posting about an issue, it's the same unhinged BS. This is not constructive, nor helpful. It's just the same rote crap. All the time.

OP is insisting on full custody as Dad doesn't parent her way. So, instead of the drama and court battle, just offer to terminate his rights. She doesn't want him as Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggled with this for a year. And then, I started putting time and money into making DD more resilient and self-sufficient. She was less stressed about going to dad’s once she could feed herself, do laundry, and other basic care. She was 8. It sucks to be there at 8, but the alternative sucks worse. She also went through a phase in 7th grade where she posted house photos on social media. He got embarrassed and made some surface changes.

You encouraging your daughter to shame her Dad is really inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to take this very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

This has nothing to do with op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

Op has said it’s not abuse. Stop making up stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

Op has said it’s not abuse. Stop making up stuff.

How does OP know how hard he's hitting her unless he's also hitting OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is.

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED. I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father. I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc. The fear was just SO HUGE. So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court. Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe.

Op has said it’s not abuse. Stop making up stuff.

How does OP know how hard he's hitting her unless he's also hitting OP?

Stop making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

How is hitting your child not abuse? Corporal punishment is abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is hitting your child not abuse? Corporal punishment is abuse.

Its not appropriate but its not illegal. Its abuse if you leave marks or bruises. While many of us disagree, many parents feel differently and still use it. If OP feels its abuse, she can make a CPS report. You may not agree, nor I but that is not abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is hitting your child not abuse? Corporal punishment is abuse.

Its not appropriate but its not illegal. Its abuse if you leave marks or bruises. While many of us disagree, many parents feel differently and still use it. If OP feels its abuse, she can make a CPS report. You may not agree, nor I but that is not abuse.

NP. It doesn’t have to be illegal to be abuse.

OP, protect your poor child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is hitting your child not abuse? Corporal punishment is abuse.

Its not appropriate but its not illegal. Its abuse if you leave marks or bruises. While many of us disagree, many parents feel differently and still use it. If OP feels its abuse, she can make a CPS report. You may not agree, nor I but that is not abuse.

NP. It doesn’t have to be illegal to be abuse.

OP, protect your poor child.

OP and therapist are not saying its abuse.