Reply to When to Honor DC Wishes for Custody?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, I'm curious if it's worth pursuing with the other parent or that will make dad feel alienated, it's why I asked. DC is in therapy, concerns about spending time with dad are legitimate but not concerning, meaning dad physically disciplines, I don't, prone to anger, etc. so child feels unsafe but it's not enough to be abuse. Otoh, I don't want full custody, oto, is my child better off with me and getting access to dad?

For some of the posters above, I haven't said anything bad about dad, we've had 50/50 custody since DC was 3, and DC. I wasn't always the favorite, it was dad till about 4 years ago, since then it's been constant drama transitioning, which is why we started therapy. The therapist agrees that it doesn't help that we both have different parenting styles but that also it's quite unlikely things will change. Dad is not open to stop physical discipline for one and does it just so it's at the border of concern but not abuse. It's not just the hitting that DC doens't like but I've given enough info as is. [/quote]

I grew up worrying that my father would kill me. He had a temper and spanked me often. When he'd yell, he ROARED.  I was a senior in high school before I realized that NOT everyone is afraid of their father.  I nearly peed my pants any time an older male yelled at me - it always made me tear up. College professors, bosses, customers, etc.  The fear was just SO HUGE.  So, I would not just dismiss your Ex's physicalness with your daughter. It is shaping who she will become, and it is shaping how she views relationships with men.[/quote]

I agree with the above. Corporal punishment is ineffective and can cause long term psychological damage. [b]I would not force her to go. Stand up for your daughter OP and let her abusive dad take you back to court.[/b] Frankly her therapist should be working with your ex to utilize other forms of discipline. Given the situation, most judges would recommend your dd and her dad go to family therapy and not force a child to go somewhere where she feels unsafe. [/quote]

This is a really bad idea and is likely to get you sanctioned by the court.  If you think the situation is so bad that it warrants a change in custody you need to file and have the order modified.  I really doubt it's going to happen since your ex is acting within the bounds of the law whether you agree with it or not.[/quote]

I disagree. It is not like you get taken back to court and have no defense. If he takes you back to court OP, you can simply say that while you encourage your daughter you refuse to force her. Which is completely fine. Your daughter's therapist can also write a letter of support if this is impacting your daughter psychologically which it very well maybe. There is a mountain of studies indicating how damaging corporal punishment can be even if he doesn't leave bruises and you and your daughter's therapist can educate the judge about this. In addition, your daughter will have her own lawyer who will be her advocate and will listen to her concerns and represent them to the judge. So again I would not force her to go with her dad, she will grow up resenting you for it. If she wants to go then fine but do not force her. Either you go back to court to modify the current custody arrangement given a change in circumstance  or let him take you back if she continues to refuse to go. [/quote]

You are the reason why dads walk away.  It has been determined it’s not abuse.  Kids should not be forced to choose between parents.  [/quote]

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