Same Age Cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I’m probably being silly for this but... My sister and I each had a daughter two weeks apart (not planned). We were both so excited for them to go through all the milestones together, be close, grow up together, etc. They are both summer birthdays (our cutoff is 8/31) and both opted to start them in kindergarten this year (different schools, but both in person private because of Covid and work needs).

My DD has been thriving in kindergarten, even more than we’d hoped. Her teachers confirmed we made the right decision sending her (and her private K is very academically rigorous). Her daughter is not as “advanced” (put in quotes because I don’t take kindergarten that seriously) as mine in terms of reading and math, but I can definitely tell she’s bright. She is a bit emotionally immature, but nothing concerning. I guess she scored slightly below average on an assessment test. Now my sister wants to have her repeat kindergarten. I’m just mourning a little bit that now they won’t be going through a lot of the milestones at the same time, which would’ve been so special to them.

I’m out of line for feeling this way, correct? I know it’s not appropriate to try to talk her out of her decision... she’s not my child, but I feel pretty strongly against having a child repeat a grade (especially kindergarten when they are developing so rapidly).

Np Yes, it is way out of line. Not your kid and honestly you sound very competitive. Sorry you used my most hated word right now "thriving" to describe your daughter's "achievements" which is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

The cousins can still be close just because your dd will be one grade ahead. My dd and her cousin are one year apart and are close. You are the only one thinking it can't be done.

Short answer: Please mind your own business! It doesn't matter how strongly you feel about it because it is not your child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound petty, judgmental, and competitive. I'm so glad I have a loving, accepting sister who would never dream of comparing and judging our kids.

Not at all! I think her daughter is so bright and I’m actually just shocked they want to have her repeat. From a semi-outsider looking in, I was just surprised. Apologies if my post read differently. I personally just don’t put too much stock in a kindergarten assessment test.

I’m just a bit sad they won’t be in the same grade now (because my daughter loves how close they are in age). Some of you all are ruthless.

That hasn't changed.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it will be to their benefit to be one year apart. Their achievements, or lack thereof, will not constantly be compared.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s hilarious that you think your thoughts about holding kids back Is important enough to even mention given that it’s not your kid.

[Anonymous]

My cousin is my BFF. We are 6 months apart and in different grades. Lives in the same city only 2 years. We are 50.

Seriously, this does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Leaving aside the comparing kids thing...you just can’t force kids into a friendship. Please understand and accept if they grow apart with age.

[Anonymous]

It's amazing that you are putting your own wishes ahead of niece's needs. My daughter was a late August baby and she ended up repeating kindergarten. It was right for her.

[Anonymous]

Op, you don't need to judge. You are entitled to your opinion, and your hurt at, what will be, missed opportunities of togetherness.
However, you don't know ALL that the future will bring. Perhaps it would be more hurtful/unpleasant for the girls to be "together" in the same grade, but not like each other or for there to be rivalry. Or for you and your sister to compare.

You do not know. And since you have no power, and shouldn't, mourn this quietly --- never bringing it up --- especially to other family members --- especially your Mom or siblings or husbands (if they would talk to others)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you don't need to judge. You are entitled to your opinion, and your hurt at, what will be, missed opportunities of togetherness.
However, you don't know ALL that the future will bring. Perhaps it would be more hurtful/unpleasant for the girls to be "together" in the same grade, but not like each other or for there to be rivalry. Or for you and your sister to compare.

You do not know. And since you have no power, and shouldn't, mourn this quietly --- never bringing it up --- especially to other family members --- especially your Mom or siblings or husbands (if they would talk to others)

Thank you for a thoughtful response. I’ve not said much besides expressing a bit of surprise, mostly because she seems to be doing fine in kindergarten from what they told me and this year with covid, I don’t think anyone will really be behind. But you’re correct, I don’t know what the future will hold. And I’m sure they aren’t making this decision lightly.

[Anonymous]

I think if your daughters go to different schools, and private schools at that, there are really no milestones at risk of being un-shared. It would be one thing if they attended the same exact school and either had or didn't have the same winter concert or end of the year tradition, but at unrelated schools you won't share many school-related things like this even in the same grade.

They will, as close-in-age cousins, share things like back to school shopping at the same time, winter break at the same-ish time, learning to drive at the same time, and birthdays during the same month. That's more than enough to share. Too much for some.

Being a grade apart is probably better for girls who may be in competition at some point. And being on the older end of your grade is better socially and academically for most kids in the end. I wouldn't be surprised if your niece begins to outperform your daughter, or perform with more ease, later in her school years due to being more mature age-wise.

For what it's worth, I would definitely drop the "more academically rigorous" talk in Kindergarten. That is a road you do not want to be on at this age. I would also resist the urge to compare the girls in any way, shape, or form that feels remotely off limits: academics, social skills, looks, etc... That is a lose-lose situation and everyone is better off if you divert your attention away from assessing these things, and make an effort not focus on obvious discrepancies that arise. The girls themselves are especially better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I’m probably being silly for this but... My sister and I each had a daughter two weeks apart (not planned). We were both so excited for them to go through all the milestones together, be close, grow up together, etc. They are both summer birthdays (our cutoff is 8/31) and both opted to start them in kindergarten this year (different schools, but both in person private because of Covid and work needs).

My DD has been thriving in kindergarten, even more than we’d hoped. Her teachers confirmed we made the right decision sending her (and her private K is very academically rigorous). Her daughter is not as “advanced” (put in quotes because I don’t take kindergarten that seriously) as mine in terms of reading and math, but I can definitely tell she’s bright. She is a bit emotionally immature, but nothing concerning. I guess she scored slightly below average on an assessment test. Now my sister wants to have her repeat kindergarten. I’m just mourning a little bit that now they won’t be going through a lot of the milestones at the same time, which would’ve been so special to them.

I’m out of line for feeling this way, correct? I know it’s not appropriate to try to talk her out of her decision... she’s not my child, but I feel pretty strongly against having a child repeat a grade (especially kindergarten when they are developing so rapidly).

Children have different strengths and challenges and they all develop differently. My guess is that your niece will show some strengths that your daughter doesn't have and she'll hit other milestones before your child. It all balances out. Just support them.

Thank you for a reasonable response. I agree, they definitely show different strengths. I definitely will support them! All I’ve said thus far is “I wouldn’t put too much stock in an assessment, she seems so smart and sociable. It’ll be a bit sad for them to not be in the same grade now.” And left it at that.

It really is not a big deal. My BFF cousin and I were in different grades but same age. My kid is very close to her cousin who is 2 years older. It actually is better long term because as kids get older competition for college, first job can be intense. It does not just stay friendly and sweet like kindergarten. Take the long view OP

[Anonymous]

My sister and I had our first babies six days apart. I had high hopes that the kids would be good friends but it has not worked out that way because we are raising our kids differently. I’m sad about it but there’s nothing I can do. Maybe later when they are older. The grade matters less than if you raise them doing things together.

[Anonymous]

I think it is odd that you guys chose to send your kids to school early. I think it’s reasonable if your sister to decide to send her kid on time instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I’m probably being silly for this but... My sister and I each had a daughter two weeks apart (not planned). We were both so excited for them to go through all the milestones together, be close, grow up together, etc. They are both summer birthdays (our cutoff is 8/31) and both opted to start them in kindergarten this year (different schools, but both in person private because of Covid and work needs).

My DD has been thriving in kindergarten, even more than we’d hoped. Her teachers confirmed we made the right decision sending her (and her private K is very academically rigorous). Her daughter is not as “advanced” (put in quotes because I don’t take kindergarten that seriously) as mine in terms of reading and math, but I can definitely tell she’s bright. She is a bit emotionally immature, but nothing concerning. I guess she scored slightly below average on an assessment test. Now my sister wants to have her repeat kindergarten. I’m just mourning a little bit that now they won’t be going through a lot of the milestones at the same time, which would’ve been so special to them.

I’m out of line for feeling this way, correct? I know it’s not appropriate to try to talk her out of her decision... she’s not my child, but I feel pretty strongly against having a child repeat a grade (especially kindergarten when they are developing so rapidly).

Academically rigorous kindergarten?!? For the love of god.

[Anonymous]

OP you are making it about you, not what is best for this little girl and her development. Do you make everything about you? I think it's time you had some therapy for this.