Snack policy with tweens?

[Anonymous]

OP, I gave you a nice response before. And I do feel for you ... had one kid with the constipation issue. Your kids are still on the younger end, so you have time to keep moving them toward more independence. It's some of the people with slightly older kids who refuse to do anything for themselves that have me shaking my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys are 11 and 13. They must ask before eating anything. I usually say yes but they don’t just go and grab an apple or cookie. Typically they say I’m hungry what can I Gabe or what do we have and I’ll say do you want strawberries and they say yes. Then I get them the food.

Why can’t they eat what they want? When they want? Are they overweight?

They pretty much can eat what they want when they want they just need to ask .they don’t get food on their own, never have. No they aren’t over weight they are very skinny.

Why? Why do they need to ask?

Because I give them the food, they don’t get it on their own . They don’t like doing chores and want to be catered to.

I really don’t understand. I understand serving teens the major meals but you have to get them snacks and cater to them? Do you think they are going to grow up thinking their wives (or husbands) have to cater to them too?

[Anonymous]

OP, you teach your kids by loosening the controls bit by bit. So, a couple times, they will gorge themselves and eat too much sugar. You are playing for their lives as healthy adults not getting it perfect each day in teen/tweendom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:mine are 9, 12, and 14. I can't remember the last time I served anyone a snack. They help themselves to whatever they want. Seriously cannot believe how crazy some of you are. Fixing strawberries for a 13 year old? That's BIZARRE.

If I don’t feed them they would starve. I feed them breakfast lunch and dinner. Plus snack. Yes we have a schedule . I’m not a short order cook but I do try and make them happy. One kid wants pancakes the other wants waffles we compromise and I make one that day, the other the next.

Time to teach them some independence. If teenagers would starve in a house full of food and don’t know how to lift a finger to feed themselves, you are doing them a disservice by not preparing them for adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well dcum never ceases to fulfill my expectation that its 95% a$$holes.

FWIW we don’t prepare all their snacks but we are in the habit of them asking except for fresh fruit and veggies which they can freely have anytime. Other snacks foods, I say no if it’s 5 Pm and we’re eating dinner at 5:30, and I tell them what I think are good snacks for the day. They chop up the apple, serve the peanut butter, grab the yogurt. I’m working and don’t monitor, I just discuss it with them.

For those whose kids have free reign, good for you maybe we’ll try that. But some kids are better at portion control than others, I’ve seen that with plenty of friends kids who are mousy eaters. Mine will fill up so much on snacks that they won’t eat dinner foods — things Which they like When they’re hungry and include nutrition like veggies and proteins. I do also thing almost all kids eat way too much sugar, adults too for that matter, and I dont think it makes me mentally ill to teach older kids to consider that and balance out sugary items for the day. Do you all not teach your kids portioning, considering food groups, etc? Additionally and I know this is unique to us, my kids are prone to severe constipation. We’ve had allergy testing like crazy and there seems to be no cause. But I do admit it’s put me very on guard because I don’t care to keep taking them for X-rays of their intestines and multi year miralax regiments. To those whose kids can fill up o. Cereal and Mac and cheese and potatoes and sandwiches and not get severely co stoppages, lucky you. But for us it’s been quite a stress and unsolvable puzzle.

I say this kindly, you are the cause of your kids "constipation."
You are definitely mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you teach your kids by loosening the controls bit by bit. So, a couple times, they will gorge themselves and eat too much sugar. You are playing for their lives as healthy adults not getting it perfect each day in teen/tweendom.

Yes, this!!! More support and intervention when they are little, and less and less as time goes on. Allow them to make some mistakes before they’re on their own. Goes for more than snack choices too.

[Anonymous]

I would start bowing out of the snack time. DD "mom are we having snack?" You: If you are hungry, go ahead..plenty of fruit in the fridge or bars in the cabinet. I am sure you can find something". Your control becomes what you buy. If the choc chip bars are gone on Monday..then they find something else to eat. You can still limit by what you buy.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are wrong. You are the a**hole on this thread, not people that do not monitor their kids' snack intake.
You are the arhole to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Way too controlling, OP. I've actually told one of my kids to stop asking me for permission to eat. They understand how to have a balanced diet, there is always nutritious food in our house, the end.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP. You asked a question, you got answers. I know your circumstances are different with the GI issue but you could have led with that in the title if you didn’t want people who aren’t in your particular situation to respond. It’s a unique issue so you might need to speak with a nutritionist.

And I do teach my kids about healthy food, and I don’t let them eat an hour before dinner (I give them a warning). As far as portions go, I teach them to listen to their bodies and I discourage them from eating out of boredom. But they have different activity levels each day and so their caloric needs are different each way. Plus I don’t know when they’re about to hit a growth spurt or not. I don’t know how much food they need, only they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Way too controlling, OP. I've actually told one of my kids to stop asking me for permission to eat. They understand how to have a balanced diet, there is always nutritious food in our house, the end.

I still feel the need to ask permission to eat. I can’t just eat without feeling like I’m bad. I wish food didn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm impressed by these tweens/teens who apparently can self-regulate. Mine would blow through the snacks, meant for a week-10 days, in a day or two.*

We do have mostly healthy stuff, but I also buy snacky, not healthy stuff meant for a once/day treat. A bag of chips with lunch, for example. I could just say, ok, well, if you eat it then it's gone, but I've got two kids, and one would eat mostly everything junky very quickly and the other would complain.

*Honestly, their dad does the same thing, and it irritates me to no end. I have to tell him explicitly - these are for the kids' lunches, DON'T EAT THEM! Because of course, he doesn't replace or tell me when the snack bag is low, so I'm running around trying to find a replacement because I have one bag of chips and both kids want them --> bickering.

OP, I tell my kids they can have fruit whenever they want, they can make a sandwich whenever they want so long as they are done eating by 4 pm (hate cooking when people just ate two sandwiches). But other than that, snacks require permission.

The simple way to solve kids blowing through snacks (especially non healthy ones) meant for longer is not to frequently replace them or buy smaller sizes. If they are blowing through chips today, then guess what won’t be available tomorrow and the rest of the week? Remind them about needing balance in everything including meals, model healthy eating habits, and set reasonable limits/expectations(like one soda per day, or no snack within an hour of dinner), and teach respect. It’s not going to be perfect everyday or week but overall it will be.

[Anonymous]

We generally make tween DD ask before eating a snack. Otherwise it'd be lots of carbs, too much food too close to dinnertime, and not hungry at lunch or dinner. DD was also putting on pounds since covid lockdown, between too many carbs and not enough exercise. We're all now exercising and watching what we eat, and we're all much healthier. Unless it's too close to dinner, we say yes to the snack and figure out together what that snack will be. "Can I have another muffin?" "No, that would be 3 muffins in one day. How about a banana?" "OK."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:mine are 9, 12, and 14. I can't remember the last time I served anyone a snack. They help themselves to whatever they want. Seriously cannot believe how crazy some of you are. Fixing strawberries for a 13 year old? That's BIZARRE.

If I don’t feed them they would starve. I feed them breakfast lunch and dinner. Plus snack. Yes we have a schedule . I’m not a short order cook but I do try and make them happy. One kid wants pancakes the other wants waffles we compromise and I make one that day, the other the next.

Ummm, no they wouldn’t starve, they would grow up and learn to make their own snacks. The only meal I’m guaranteed to serve everyday is dinner. There is still expectation though that my kids eat breakfast and lunch everyday, I’m just not guaranteed to be the maker or server.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if issues like this lead to the many "how do I find pants with a 24 inch waist and 34 inseam" threads. My sister controlled her son's food intake and he was never allowed to eat more as he got older. He was 6'2 and 120 pounds (also had constipation issues). You can't feed a growing kid as if they are a 40 year woman who is on a permanently calorie restricted diet.

My DD worked at a Sweetgreen and saw a mom go ballistic when her kid asked for strawberries on a salad because he was going to have fruit later.